some gave all

Sgt Dominic Sacco

"Dom" or "Nick", "Nicky" if you knew him as long as I did. He was just like one of my own little brothers. Irritating, threatening and the butt of many jokes. He is my very best friend for life's younger brother. He spent so many years trying to figure out what he should do in his life, finally he had found a solution for a little bit. He joined the Army and we all chuckled a bit when we found out what capacity he was serving in, he was in tanks, blowing stuff up. His 8 year old self would have been soo proud! He served his country proudly. He really enjoyed what he did. His memorial pages are full of stories from fellow soldiers whose lives he touched.

As a younger boy he did all those things boys do, played baseball and basket ball. Played video games, rode bikes, and would on occasion, play nice with us, until he got mad. And he loved the Mets. He had a passing phase in which he thought Michael Jackson was sooo cool. But we won't talk about that out of respect.

All of a sudden, one day, he was a man. Helping my sister and I move, giving advice on men, all those things brothers do. I have 2 sisters and think of his sister as my 3rd, i have 2 younger brothers and think of him as the 3rd. That is how great they are.

He was unable to attend his sisters wedding because he was out of the country on a tour. His dad joked that he would be safe because he was in tanks. Ironiclly, he was shot by a sniper while closing the hatch, on Nov 20, 2005. Nick left behind a wife, a step daughter and a son who was not yet 6 months old, his mom and dad, his sister, and an extended group of family and friends who were fortunate enough to have had him in our lives. He was 6 days shy of his 33rd birthday.

I mourned for Nick, it seemed unreal. I mourned for his mom, I can't imagine her pain. I mourned for his son, who will only have stories of his dad in his life. Tears are forming now, but I smile when I think of how to close this tribute. I smile when I think, at least he died doing what he wanted...and I smile because you can't think of Nick without smiling.


www.some-gave-all.com

good days

yeah...what a past couple days. scroll back to friday, my sisters and myself were debating when our nephew would finally arrive. my youngest sister was convinced that it would be over the weekend, because she was going to be away. other sister figured it would probably be monday. i figured because any day during the weekend would just be perfect timing for me, that it would most likely happen any time but the weekend.

fast forward to Sunday. i was startled awake at 4:30 in the morning, sure I had heard the phone ring , i grabbed for it to check the caller id...nothing. so i was convinced my instincts had awakened me and eagerly waited for the phone to ring. unfortunately, my instincts were dead wrong...again. so i spent all day sunday finally catching up with paper work and went to bed (ok after watching Cheerleader Nation, but really that is just disturbing)

Monday morning up bright and early and at 7:30 the phone rings, i saunter nonchalantly over and look...i figured it was hub with something he had forgotten to tell me as he was leaving. WRONG!!!!! yeah it's my brother and they have been at the hospital since about 4 am. YEA...YEA YEA, finally. so i start to walk in circles trying to figure out what to do. do i cancel the afternoons dentist? do i try to find the oldest who stayed over a friends the night before? do i wait and see what happens? do i just wait and go this weekend? do i just say *&** it and load whoever i can find in the car and leave? all this while taking it upon myself to call the rest of the family for my brother. because, hey i am the oldest...thats my job.

anyway i remebered the oldest had football physicals on Tues morning, so i knew he wouldn't be coming. got a shower cancelled the dentist, had the younger 2 pack a change of clothes and got in the car. by 8:30 i am on the road, gassing up and grabbing the kids some breakfast. (not too shabby if i might say) trying desperately to reach my brother before i get too far, just in case it turns out to be a false alarm...as i am finishing at Sheetz, i reach him...no going back they're breaking her water. on my trek i go. completely abandonning my oldest...but hey i was almost on my own at his age...he'll survive.

now it's a 6 hour drive up there, and i am rushing. never having had an exceptionally long labor personally, i figured i might miss it, but hopefully not by much. let's just say she gets the labor from her side of the family. dropped the kids at my dads , picked up my mom and made it to the hospital by 4 pm. and proceeded to wait ...

and wait...


and wait...

and wait just a little longer...

FINALLY around 9:45 her mom came out and said we had a baby. then my brother came out and it was all i could do not to bawl. he says "it's so cool to look at him and see him face to face" awwwwww. so here he is....

yes he is the most perfect baby born since my youngest...and he has a full head of blonde hair. he is just too adorable. i cannot wait to get back up there and hold him and smother him with kisses.

now Tues was our wedding anniversary...and the younger 2 boys have football at 6 pm. so we stop to see the baby and mom one more time and head home. the whole way down hub keeps calling to see where i am, and ask do i want to go to dinner. i honestly would rather have been dipped in sugar and put in a pit of ants than to get back in the car after i get home and go to dinner, but i am a good wife so i say sure. only there's a catch....here's what i came home to

awww...so i am super glad i didn't yell " i am going to be in the car for 6 hours at least and you want me to get back in the car and go to dinner??!!??" at him when he called to see if i wanted to go out. a room full of roses, candles and DINNER!! he can still surprise me.

and my boys went to practice and heres what else i got....

it has been a nice couple of days....

sometimes i just forget

i am self professed (or admitted i guess) obesessed with Hawaii, who couldn't be, when you've seen the parts i have. sometimes around noon, if i am able, i look to the web cams out there to watch the sunrise. this morning i was in the office (yes working when i can't sleep on a Sun morning) and glanced out the window....it's kinda pretty here too sometimes.
i hate the wires in the pic, but i can't cut em down...

shameless bribe to my nephew

your mom and dad are more than ready, your aunts, uncles and cousins are very ready. and look what awaits you, upon arrival......
now PLEASE come try it on...

cocktail before lunch?

perhaps a better title would be....i need to go buy some cat food? little does the cat know, the bird will kick her ass!!! don't you love the pink walls? what was i thinking

time for a swim

why did i not buy a pool this year? what was i thinking? the kids have begged for years to get a pool.. and hub and i had kind of tossed the idea around a bit. the thing is usually summer here is very manageable. high 70's, cool nights. and actually it rains quite a bit. so we use the town pool on hot days and deal with it. next year i am getting a pool. i don't care if i only use it 6 days a year, i am not even taking the chance on this kind of hell again.

used to be a day when the mecury would rise and i would need no further excuse, hey the kids were hot. off to the pool. pack a bag, head to the pool, and claim my spot near the baby pool. where i would sit and chat and enjoy my afternoon. then something changed, my youngest got too old for the baby pool. so i would still go and sit and chat with everyone sitting at the baby pool while keeping an eye through the fence on the youngest. then last summer it happened. i was no longer needed at the pool. my neice would go and watch the youngest and all was well, but i could still go if she was busy.

this year even she doesn't need to be there, much less me. i hate it. i drop the kids off at noon and every day say i will come down for an hour before it's time to leave. but it never happens, something is waiting to be done, or phone calls to make. mom never seems to get there. i'm really bummed.

the year i was pregnant for the youngest i had tan lines that lasted until January. the only way i'm even coming close to that again is to put it in my yard. i will be a waterlogged momma next year.

time

I received the kids school schedules for the upcoming year last week. i know it is near, and while i may have complained (loudly) about being ready for school start, here is the truth. i'm not. not really. yes i'm ready to have some structure back to the day, and i'm ready to regain control (yeah like i ever really had any) over my home. but i am not ready for this school year.

my oldest will be a junior. a junior...A JUNIOR in high school. now i know once football camp starts...BAM!!! next thing i know it's Christmas...and double BAM...it's May. my time with him is growing short and i'm not anywhwere near ready. not that i'm wishing time away...hardly. i was just talking to a mom who has a son leaving for college this week, and she said how busy this past year had been. she had really wanted to savor and enjoy his senior year and it was impossible..there wasn't enough time.

now anyone who knows me in real life will tell you, i live in like some kind of time vacuum. i say things like "wasn't that a month ago?" about things that happened in march. time just flies. and i can't control it. my son is becoming a man in front of my eyes, they all are. how can this be? where have 17 years gone?!!? it is unthinkable. and honestly...i'd trade and go through it all over again, just to have that little boy, with his green hat and his love affair with Barney, back . even for just one day.

guess what?

1) it's raining, forcing myself and FOUR children to exist happily in the house and

2) i have a s**t load of work to get done, so being the procrastinator that i am, here i sit

you know i remember today how great fridays were back in the day. i have been babysitting my neighbors son this week while his normal sitter is on vaca. and even though he is a good kid, and really all i had to do was break up a couple more fights and make a little extra breakfast and lunch, it's no different for me, i am glad today is the last day. i guess i am really used to the way i do things. just the little things, like getting started a litle earlier in the morning so i could be home from the gym in time, or waiting to run a few errands until after he left. you know the ones i don't want to bring kids on? little stupid stuff, man i reallly am spoiled. but i guess i put my time in...i wonder how i ever got anything done when the kids were younger.

i have given up on my house, it's official. i quit until school. and you know what i am going to do the first day of school? sit and look at the squalor and wonder why i thought that would be a good idea. my friend was telling me she hired a cleaning lady and how much she loves it. and i realized i would be too embarassed to have someone in to clean my house. it's all about the crap. if i could just take and completely get everything done i would feel so much better. but stepping away from the computer would be the first step....

and here i sit. :)

my youngest said to me this morning..."mom?" yes i answered..."when did i start calling you mom, and stop calling you mommy?" my heart almost broke, i realized it had happened, at some point this summer he stopped demanding good night kisses and stopped calling me mommy. my baby is growing up.

ok so my plan is, today is shot...tommorrow...WORK. i have to get this stuff done, baby watch is on high these days. SIL is due on the 5th, and i will need lots of time to go visit. i really wish i lived closer. ok well i am going to break up my last fight ..send prayers and happy thoughts as we wait for baby.

can you feel it?

there is a buzz in the air. a spring in my step. a song in my heart:

Hail to the Rdeskins
Hail Victory
Braves on the warpath
Fight for ol DC

wooweeee football season is getting so close. i can feel my blood pumping and my heart racing. i can already feel my foot heavy on the accelerator, as i race home from one of the boys very poorly timed Sunday games to catch the 'Skins. actually to catch any good game (ie: Giants lose). last night NFL network had reviews of all the teams last season, and i "just happened" to catch em. i cannot wait. i am so stoked for it to begin again ...it hurts.

besides with a good chunk of the bloggers i read at BlogHer...i got nothing else to think about.

warm cheese

it has been a very interesting week, to say the least. over the weekend my fridge died. just the the fridge. the freezer part works fine. looking back on it i guess it had been going for a while. i kept noticing things weren't as cold as they should be, but i was thinking it was just the scorching heat. then i turned the freezer temp down a bit, thinking maybe i was asking too much for max cold from each. then on Sat i was making a wrap and the cheese was definitely NOT cold, nor was anything else. so i had the boys move everything down to the fridge we have in the garage and complained to hub.

now i am thankful that i had the fridge in the garage, don't get me wrong. but after running up and down stairs for a day, every time i needed something, was a little tiresome. 36 hours into the no fridge disaster of '06, my dear darling hub" remebers" he has a mini fridge in his car trailer. translation: he didn't want me to know he had spent even more money on this ridiculous car hobby of his so that he wouldn't have to walk his sorry butt to concession for a cold beverage, but it beats hearing me bitch about running up and down stairs all day.

in came the mini fridge. which was a blessing, big enough for drinks, and butter and fruit. then came the fridge guy, who told me for $250 he could have my fridge working like new. $250??!! two fiddy. for $350 i could go buy the same piece of crap i already own, brandy new.

so what did i decide? the only reasonable answer....i bought the one i want... the one with two top doors that open out and freezer on bottom. (posting a pic or link today is not possible i see) hopefully there will be no construction, err demolition i guess i should say, in order to fit it into my tiny fridge spot in my tiny kitchen. but if it's too big, at least it will match the tv.

summer part 2

ok, now i know i just posted last week or so how nice i find summer to be. and i know in may i said i was ready for summer to begin. there are alot of things about summer and the kids being out of school i really enjoy. my sister and hub both reminded me of similar conversations i had separately with each of them back in may. something along the lines of me saying, "man i am ready for summer, i actually am looking forward to the kids being out of school". after i stated this they each said something like "uhhuh, and should i remind you of this in july when you are saying you can't wait for school to start".

there are alot of things about motherhood that we are forced to forget quickly, it is kind of like a survival mechanism. you know how babies can't remeber being born because it is so traumatic. same idea, we forget the heartburn and morning sickness. we quickly shut out the excruciating pain of labor. we recall newborn days as bliss, when in reality we were exhausted, sore and would most likely, if given the option, sell our soul to the devil for just 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. we forget these things, so that life can proceed. and then there is summer vacation.

i am beginning to feel like i live in a dorm. no matter how much time and energy i put into my house before i go to bed, by 7 am it looks like we hosted a 48 hour kegger. how can so much damage be done in the few hours between my bed time and when they finally go to sleep? the mess is beginning to overpower and i am starting to weaken. by the time the oldest starts 3 a days (YES!!!!! gone all day!) my house will look like those apartments in the student ghetto on may 15th.

this morning i woke up to a half gallon ice cream container, not quite empty, 3 spoons and 189845765234 ants on my kitchen counter, 10 coke cans empty laying scattered around the living room, empty chip and pretzel bags, and it seems someone ordered pizza. ok, i didn't know we could get pizza delivered after 11pm, i guess when your frined is driving that night you can. oh and he'll run to mc d's with you, so there was some mc d garbage scattered. also we have the 354 dvd's left out and an equal number of video games, and the x box and playstation. did you know you could hook both up and play with picture in picture? you can. and then there is the laundry, my sons will never be called modest. they will drop their pants anywhere. and socks?!!?? the oldest yells he has no socks, then i look under the couch...no amount of pleading/screaming can get them to clean up, i surrender.

then there is the thrill of constant companionship, there is someone around me every blessed second. these people are up half the night trashing my house and ready to go by 8 am. yes the same people that can't make it when school is in session on 12 hours of sleep a night, need less than 3 it seems, in the summer. there they are, can you make breakfast? yeah as soon as i scrape the pizza crust from the ceiling. i pulled the cushions from the couch this morning to fluff them a bit. big mistake, someone flipped them in the last couple of days, seems there must have been something brown spilled. and i found that pack of big league chew middle guy claimed youngest stole.

remind me of this next may...and send me a list of all summer sleep away camps...PLEASE!!!!

another milestone

it seems my life has been coming back to the same thing over and over again lately. grocery shopping and food. i made some life altering changes last week, it was hard and it took a long time in coming, but i am quitting WalMart. No, i don't work there, i am quitting it as my main source of shopping. our time together was sweet, and i will continue to visit, but i have no idea why i was so faithful to this point.

then i read a post from Jenny at www.Threekidcircus.com (i tried to link to the post but alas my stupidity is on high today). part of her post deals with the aggrivation of shopping with children. (but it goes way deeper and it is a great post) i read the post laughing, as usual, and then i read the comments. and some were saying how they felt bad for snapping at their kids while shopping...but you know what? shopping with your kids does suck, it really does. and i can say that freely, because i have not had to do it for like 3 years now. and i LOVE it, i love to see some woman struggling with a toddler throwing a tantrum, or a baby who is screaming because even though he ate right before they left he is hungry AGAIN. how can i be so cruel? these were the same women who looked at me like i was the worst mother in the world 10 years ago. they looked down their perfectly put together faces and tsked at my cruelty and unwashed hair. HAH! now i am the one casually strolling the aisles, showered and dressed in fresh clothes, running in for just a couple things...why? because i can.

so anyway, this is why i decided to quit walmart. when my kids were small it was really the only sensible option. the other stores around here are very small, and don't carry a huge selection but i don't need one stop everything can get done shopping anymore. i can visit several stores, should i choose. there is noone to fight with to get into a car seat, no one begging for candy at every check out, no thrashing to be released from the cart, and no one who needs to own every piece of crap they see, and will not rest until it is in the cart (provided hub stays home). i went to the smaller store and it was quiet and peaceful. ahhhh. now i see how the other half lives. and i'm crashing the party.

lunch

because we had, what else, a baseball game time of 4:30 today, i decided to make dinner for lunch . that way i wouldn't feel like the kids were only eating crap all day. so i cooked a big hot lunch, fried chicken, mac and cheese and fresh green beans (yum). seems like kind of a good idea, right? not if you are one of my kids.

ok actually middle guy loved it, but it was his favorite foods. oldest couldn't possibly be expected to eat that much food in the middle of the afternoon. this from someone i watched eat 12 chili cheese dogs one day between lunch and dinner. then there was my youngest. first of all his face when i told him what we were having was just too much. i need video on that kid 24/7, his facial expressions are enough to keep us all entertained forever. you would have thought i announced we were having garbage, with a side of cat instead of the usual pb &j.

then it started...."i only like my chicken off the bone"...i know i'll cut it up for you

"ok but don't get any of that brown stuff (the skin) on it, you know i hate that"

"can i just have a pear?"

"is it the macaroni and cheese i like? you know the straight ones"

"you know i only like the straight ones"

"GREEN BEANS??!!! i hate green beans"

"what if have a pear with my chicken"

"what if the macaroni was the straight ones and green, then could you tell if i ate my green beans?"

as the meal is winding down, and of course the youngest is the only one with food on his plate...

"i need to go to the bathroom" no "but it's BAD" i am sure you can finish first

"ok but do i have to eat my green beans?" yes eat a couple

"ok but i am choosing 2 as a couple"

"can i take the bean part out and eat it?"

"ok i am just gonna eat 2 at once, cause then i'll have to taste it less"

Amen....lunch is done...protein and vitamins dished up...mom 1 kids 0. but who calls in the middle of the base ball game? mr. "i can't be expected to eat so much", "mom? can you stop and get me something to eat on the way home?"

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

bats in the belfry

ewww there was a bat in the house last night. thank God i wasn't home when it actually entered, but i got to witness the departure. yuck, i am hardly a girly girl, i chase any number of critters out of my house each summer. it happens, i live in the country and i have cats. they love to bring still alive gifts home, and some not still alive.

but bats and snakes, uh uh..no way. when i was young i had a bat fly right into my face, then get stuck in my hair...imagine why i don't care to even see the things. apparantly my oldest and hub also have a "thing" about bats because the scene i entered upon will never be considered manly.

now noone is exactly sure how said bat entered, i would wager on it entering through the front door. based on the fact that NO ONE EVER SHUTS A DOOR around here. ever. it drives me "batty" (hehe). so i was visiting my friends new house, get into the car to go and find 7 missed calls on my cell phone.. all from oldest cell phone. i call him, whats wrong?

"there's a bat in the house"

"where"

"on the fireplace"

"did you tell your dad?"

"no"

"why not?"

"he's downstairs and i don't want to walk by the bat...can you call him?"

"OH MY GOD. walk down the stairs and get your dad. i'll be home in 15 minutes"
(of course he could have just called the house on his cell phone..but that would have made sense)

upon my return i find the oldest standing in front of the fireplace with his paintball gun, and my hub standing next to him with a big beach towel. and every door and window wide open. the original plan was to attempt to shoo it out, but from what i gathered neither of them wanted to be the shooer. when they realized the bat wasn't going to find his way back out, they decided to do something more agressive. i guess the thought was the paintball would stun the bat and the towel would cover it when it fell dazed to the ground. i guess it worked, i was hiding in my car . i heard the pintball gun shoot and yelled in the window. but alll i heard was them fighting over who was picking it up and putting it outside. first we thought it was dead, but it flew away after a few minutes. so if you see an orange bat...you know where he came from.

summer

it's evening, after a long hot July day. dinner is done, dishes are finished and the house is hot. i am sitting on the deck, in the shade reading. there is nowhere else to be, no homework or practice, no bed time. the kids are playing, anything. football, baseball, fixing bikes and dirtbikes. running back and forth between our house and the neighbors, and jumping in the neighbors pool when they get hot. it's too hot to be inside. and somehow for these couple of hours they manage to get along.

another hour and the house will cool down. the kids are going fishing, i watch them walk away...3 sets of legs hanging out of shorts or swimming trunks they have had on all day. long tan backs, 3 heads with dark hair that is a little lighter than it was a month ago. i watch them head to the pond, the youngest taking a couple of running steps every once in a while to keep up. they are my boys, and i am in awe that this is the case. i start to wonder for a minute if this might be the last summer for times like this. will the oldest be too busy next year? probably. i push the thought away, and enjoy tonight.

i read my book and listen to them talking, yelling and playing. the sky gets a little darker and the air is considerably cooler. soon the light will be gone and i won't be able to read. the kids return and head inside. i watch the lightning bugs start and watch for the first stars. and listen to my boys.

when i first became a mom, i thought i would remember everything. but the big things sometimes overshadow the little. and they are forgotten. i hope none of us ever forgets how wonderful nights like this are. this is summer to me. this is what my thoughts return to in feb, when it seems like it will never be warm again. and i hope my boys will have nights like this with their sons.

hot

it's HOT, and I don't need to tell anyone that, because it seems most of the country is also HOT. so where did I spend my weekend? if you guessed (1) lounging under the trees in my yard, quietly reading a book, while sipping cold beverages, or(2) relaxing by the pool while the kids played, you would be so far off it wouldn't even be funny. one word...2 syllables

B A S E B A L L

uh huh. there are at least a dozen things i could think of that i would rather have done this weekend, but in all honesty, what were the chances the bowels of hell would really open up and rescue me? i wasn't getting that lucky. the poor kids, it was only like 105 on the field. good thing they are young.

but hey take a look here then imagine yourself with a frosty blender drink, lounging in and by the pool, listening to the water...mmmm paradise!!! now i just need to find a donor. anyone know a billionare with a thing for married, pudgy, middle aged women?

email, horoscopes and a pot of gold

what a busy lil chicky i have been the last couple of days. i am beginning to wonder if you can have sympathy nesting urges. as my SIL to be is growing nearer to her due date, my desire to clean every freakin square inch of my house is astounding. she said she has been cleaning alot herself, so i think she's sending me some vibes. so long as i don't have sympathy contractions, we'll be ok. but if i wake up with pain and they call to say she's in labor..i'm cutting the ties.

anyway, back to the point of me rambling off like that. yesterday i recruited the kids to help clean out the big chest freezer in the garage. and after the required number of oh my god that is HOW old, and eewww thats what ice cream can look like, i reached the bottom. and lo and behold, i hit the mother load. i thought i was completely out and found a whole 5 pound bag of Kona coffee. mmmmmmmmmmmm. it is truly like my heroin. now i know i could buy the stuff, but i only love my friends coffee, and he doesn't sell retail. and really, when i try another farm's coffee, it just doesn't hit the spot, and is not worth the 25 bucks a pound they charge for it. so i am singing the sweet sweet song of a satisfied coffee drinker today. can you hear it?

i think my horoscope is lying to me, every day it says the same damn thing...your emotions will be high today, keep them in check for when the time is better. but the time is never better. EVER. shouldn't it at some point say :
Me,
today is the day to let that bastard have it. tell everyone how you feel, and bring illustrations. then go shopping and buy every cute bag and pair of shoes you can find...spending should be reckless today.

good thing i found that coffee.

and finally i think i am quitting my email...what mailing list is out there that links me to wanting to meet "big women of color" or "hot latinos in my area'? and then there are my favorites the ones that torment me by teasing "HAWAII = Paradise"....or "Hawaii beckons". ok duh i am aware of what hawaii does to me, and am disgusted enough that i am sitting in hickville, PA. where there is NO crystal blue green water to look at around every corner, or incredible mountains to watch the sun come up behind. i do not need reminders 15 times a DAY from you Mr Email. (i assume it's a man, beause it annoys me so much).

good thing i have this

just a random mommy thing

of course as i sit here jotting this down my happiness fades listening to the older 2 fighting over something that in all honesty, i could give a hoot anymore.

anyway just a bit ago i was heading out of wal mart (i know you are all jealoussss) and because we actually only had 2 meals today, youngest says he is hungry. so i pull into BK to get him some chicken and fries. he is a little too big for kids meals and he didn't need soda at 9 pm, so i ordered him chicken tenders and a large fry. when i get the bag he says, "can i have one fry?", so i said here take the whole thing. he looks at it and says "you got me a large fry?" yes i answered...."Yes!!!! Now I'm a man!!!" he exclaims.

he is the only one i honestly do not want to get so much as one day older.

i weighed myself this morning...

so if you were smart you would right now head for the hills, run..don't walk to a light hearted-upbeat-chock full of useful information blog. cause today this aint it.

what the HELL? i mean cmon. i know i was on vacation, but i walked EVERY stinkin day. we were on the 12th floor...i took the stairs at least once a day. i ate fresh sea food and salads (ok and some pizza and fried dough), i expected i would have gained maybe a pound or 2, i am not in complete denial..but FIVE???!!! who do i need to sacrifice in order to shed some weight? (crossing fingers it's the oldest)

i am into this go to the gym routine for 5 weeks now, i am sloshing around like a fish tank from all the water i drink. and now i am 3 pounds over my start weight. i am bitter. the desire to just stop injesting food is sooo great right now, i can feel it calling. but i promised myself i would not do that again. doing that is what made me the heffer i am today. but at some point my metabolism has got to become an active member of society again...right? hmmph

and if that were not enough.....i get home and the younger 2 are awake. youngest was allowed to sleep on the couch last night (part of that whole dictator thing). so what does he do? he pees. of course he did, what else did i have to do today, but pull my couch apart and wash it. see this is why i am not nice to other people. i have to take my anger out on someone. because all i wanted to do was yell.."what the hell is wrong with you? WHY did you pee on the couch. you are wearing a Good nite until you are 25 and thats the end of it"

of course being completely crazy, now the image of him wearing a good nite at 25 is cracking me up. God help my children to see the wonders of outdoors today, they need to stay outta my way.

which come first....

from TMZ:

Suri Cruise's Silent Birth Leads to Quiet LifeJust where exactly is Suri Cruise? No one knows for sure, though TMZ has proof at least that someone filed a birth certificate for someone by that name. However, a cult specialist tells MSNBC's Jeanette Walls that Suri's strange absence from public view may have something to do with what Scientologists called "removing engrams" though a process called "auditing." Rick Ross of Cultnews.com says that engrams are "negative experiences coupled with noise," and that shielding the baby from the paparazzi would reduce the onset of such engrams.Ross adds that Cruise, according to reports from his promotional tour for "Mission: Impossible III," is getting increasingly wrapped up in the Scientology dogma, and that he would have locks checked and take longer routes to places while on tour to prevent, presumably, the creation of engrams.


which makes me wonder...do you have to be crazy to want to be famous...or does fame make you crazy?

??????

has anyone ever died because they had to bring in grocery bags? and what is the record number of times a 16 yr old can sigh and say "Gawwdd, you are so gay" in one afternoon?

little ruler

i may have created a tyrant, i'm not sure, maybe just a dictator. but i've made a HUGE mistake. as punishment for the whole" leave the youngest alone in the condo" debacle that closed out vacation, i issued forth the following rule:

"because i am so sick and tired of all of you (the older 3) always complaining about and acting like -----(youngest) is such a pain, he will decide if you have been nice enough to him to be let off punishment in a week"

oops...who knew the penchant the kid would have for control? i am shocked such conniving can be had by a not yet 8 yr old.

7 to 12: get my bath ready

12 to 7: get your own bath, what you too busy

7 to 12: i am busy playing Simpsons Hit and Run, do you want me to tell mom you are not nice to me?


7 to 16: get me some cereal

16 to 7: get your own cereal

7 to 16 : mom will not like this, i don't think you are being very nice

16 to me: (look of death)

me to 16: should have just brought him to the bball court with you

16 to me: i hate this house (again with the drama)

and so the saga continues, while i am forced to wonder how far i should let this play out, i am kind of enjoying watching the 2 of them struggle. i reminded him that he should still be nice to his brothers, but he reminded me that they were not very nice to him. not surprisingly neice has been avoiding our house like we have bad hair or something. and suddenly has renewed interest in her own home like nothing i have ever seen before. i think i'll end it when he makes them curtsy before him, that would be pushing it.

bungy

my middle guy and neice on this thing on vaca...the girlie scream, i am told was not my son. :)

get back to work

being self employed is wonderful, it allows me the opportunity to be home for my kids, and to take vacation whenever i want. ok so as long as it isn't in mar, april or may..and sometimes sept. however upon return home there is always way more work than i feel like doing.
like the mail i received


and the work that was left undone







the fax machine empty and awaiting my return to spew forth even more good news






and my dear friend the phone, i know you can't see it but that little red light is blinking fervently to notify me that my machine is full...oh happy day

and if all these good times are not enough, there is the mom side of returning...my car

chock full of sandy wet clothes and towels!!!!!

if you see my blogging this week...tell me to get back to work!

ok it wasn't sooo bad

i am prone to exaggeration at times, i admit it. so my earlier post on vacation was a little harsh. we did have a lovely time for the most part, barring a few bumps in the road. i forgot my camera and borrowed my sisters, who wisely bailed out on Monday morning, i might add. but left her cam for me to use, so i didn't take alot of pics, but i took some.
yes the youngest is driving the boat...and look at his little face...how cute, neice said not to put her on the internet, so i left her out. of course this was the day she was pissy, so i'm sure she will be begging for them soon to add to her my space. so thats my crew, all four of my guys...i am a proud mama.

yeah i'm home!!!!!

i want to know what freakin cosmic fairy dust i was snorting when i had the brainstorm that spending a week in a condo no larger than my living room, with all 3 kids, my neice and my hub was a prime example of family bonding. not only do i want to know what it was, i want to know where i can get some more, i think i would rather like to live in the world of delusion...full time.

arggg...in all fairness we had a good time, but our original plan was to spend a few nights (NOT 7) at the beach with the kids..kind of for old times sake. which to alot of you seems insane to say, but in all honesty, this may be one of the last summers our oldest will be around and willing to just up and leave for a week. sooo we figured we would go do something close that we had done alot when he was younger. in looking for hotels i (in my infinite wisdom) decided a condo would be cheaper and easier. and it was. but you have to book them for a week. thats where they get ya.

you know how usually when the last day of vacation rolls around you feel like you just got there, and don't want to go? that so did not happen. it felt like we had been there an eternity. i was ready to leave on weds, i really was. these people are going to drive me insane. the oldest and hub have such a similar personality it's freaky. and the traits that hub complains about in the kids (ie: no attention span at all) they get from him. so oldest and hub had a clash, hub and i had an argument, kids (except the youngest) whined every 45 seconds they were bored. neice asked incessantly "when are we gonna go shopping?" the one day all the boys were happy, neice had bitch mode on and was instantly too good for everything.

and the piece de resistance...last night we are getting ready to leave. and hub and i wanted to go out for a dinner alone, so we got everything packed, went to the beach one last time, got everyone ready to go and told the kids to be ready to go when we got back, gave them $$$ for some dinner and left. ok they are 16, 1 month from 16, 12 and 8. there are numerous places for them to walk to w/in 4 blocks to eat. should not have been a problem right? you would think.

we tried a couple places and of course, on a Fri the waits were insane, so we decided to just go back and head home. we get to the condo and there sits the 8 year old in the living room watching tv. NO ONE ELSE IS THERE!!!!!!!! they all went out together, the oldest to play bb at the condo courts, and neice and 12 yr old to walk up the road to get some food. they all got into the elevator together and left the youngest there alone....what the hell is wrong with these kids???!!!!! i was never so speechless AND mad at the same time. it was hard...i just wanted to wring their necks.

and with that we left the beach..older, wiser and ready to kill 3 of the 4 kids we took there. ok so i'm whining..big deal, you try it once.... i dare you.

V A C A T I O N

ok blogging world, i am off....bring the mail in and check on the cats if you're around. see you soon

my way or else

i am a control freak...there, i've said it out loud. but i don't feel better about it. i can't believe this is who i am. i posted earlier about my issues with teaching the oldest to drive. it was suggested to me that possibly i didn't like giving up the control of the vehicle. poo i said, who wants to take over my life? come get it...please.

i think it's true. i always thought i wasn't, i roll with more things in a day then alot of people would have to deal with in a month. but that is confusing capable with controlling. (lightbulb over my head)

yesterday afternnon hub and i were discussing his cousins upcoming wedding. it's at a bad time. first weekend in Sept. , equals kids in school, first weekend of the boys football seasons, and not an easy time to leave. so he says to me, we should go alone together. it's in OBX, hotel is paid for, and we could be real live grown ups TOGETHER...dinners, a nice party, all dressed up. a long weekend alone. sounds relaxing, right?

WRONG...i start to freak out worrying about the kids. his mom is just unreliable. but in reality it would be 3 days, one of which they would be in school, and one of which all she would need to do is sit at the football field. i know she could do it. then i get all weird about missing their games. because i haven't been to a kagillion peewee and hs football games, and won't be at every other one the rest of the season.

then later in the evening, we went to watch hub race the car. it's a 1/4 mile track, and on weds anyone can race. dirtbikes, motorcycles, slicks and street cars. so i'm driving the car out and he's in my car with the kids..."plotting". we get there and he say's he wants to let the oldest run my car on the track. (WTF HOLY SH*** ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDDING ME). i was like no way ...uh uh, sorry. and hub looks at me and says why not? then i realize, what right do i have to tell him he can't do something with our son. something he loves and wants to share with his kids. i am a control freak.

if it doesn't get done my way i don't like it. esp when it comes to the kids. herein lies alot of our problem. i complain about doing everything for everyone, but i think that's the way i like it. so as i watched my first born dirve my car down a race track at (a very respectable) 85 miles an hour (in 16 seconds!) i began to think i need to let go ...but just a little.

i for one, am ready

what goes around, comes around

proving once again..Karma is a female, and will getcha if you don't look out.....
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (June 26) - Rush Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription.
Customs officials found a prescription bottle labeled as Viagra in his luggage that didn't have Limbaugh's name on it, but that of two doctors, said Paul Miller, spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.
A doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was "labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes," Roy Black, Limbaugh's attorney, said in a statement.

........

Panic and mayhem broke out in several small towns across western Pennsylvania this afternoon as a large glowing orb appeared in the sky for a few moments. Some minor injuries were reported, a few blistering burns as the rays from the strange "circle of fire" hit some exposed skin. Most injuries were sustained as people rushed for cover to avoid the reach of the glow. Luckily the phenomenon lasted no more than 3 - 5 minutes. A few of the older residents insist this object was the "Sun", that mythical object of fairy tales and old wives stories. One gentlemen, who refused to be identified, spoke of a time when this "Sun" would be in the sky for days, even weeks on end. One can only imagine the horror.

purge

OH MY GOD.....it is still raining!!!!! i can think of 1 or 2 days in the past week and a half that there has been no rain. ENOUGH.

ok i got that outta my system. i know quite a few of you who i want jumpin on this 30 day diet with me. don't make me name names. do it and leave your results in comments on Mondays. cmon if i lived close we could do it live, same idea.

i am super proud of myself, i finally buckled down this weekend and got 2 big trouble spots in my house cleaned. i did my kitchen counters, and on top of my fridge. (eewwwww) then i did the cabinet with 23487650987 pieces of plastic storage containers. 20 of which had lids that actually fit. literally, there was an entire garbage bag of old pieces or lids with no bottom. then on top of the fridge, i am almost ashamed to admit, was the free cooler bag i got from my bank, when i opened my checking account.....almost 7 years ago. and some dust, and crap i threw up there when i moved because i had no where else to put it. GONE

i also cleaned my office. now i do on top of my desk and my files etc often. i have to in order to get things done. but my office is just that, it's mine. no one else uses it, no one comes into it, no one sees it...you can imagine the state it was in. it is my catch all room. i have 3 shelving units in here, turns out..i really only need 1 1/2. this is just a sampling of what was found

700 miles of assorted wire, chargers, s cables, a/v cables, and the like

pictures that i got developed a year ago from the digital, forgot about and just recently got developed again

ALL the blue pens that i am constantly looking for. i prefer blue ink and every time i reach for one i say"where do all my blue pens go?" found em

half of Hilo Hattie...the store with aloha. i have been to Hawaii enough to not need any more crap, but i can't help it. anyone need some pineapple syrup?

7 million address sheet labels with only 3 or 4 labels actually left on the sheet

no less than 4 packs of pre school flash cards.

every container of blistex/carmex i have misplaced in the last 3 years.

receipts that needed to be filed last year...nice

bags, bags and more bags...someone stop me. i do not need another tote.

and finally, i have to wonder if those old 3.5 disks reproduce, cause there was a mountain of them that would rival mc kinley.

all included there were 3 bags of trash from the office...man that's gross. there is still a closet in the office to take care of, the spare storage bathroom (it's a bathroom, it's a storage room). the laundry room, and my nemesis...the playroom (cue scary music). baby steps....baby steps.

r you up to it

Big Slice of Life, Small Slice of Cheesecake ....has put forth a challenge, 30 days 10 pounds. exercise for an hour and eat better. i'm joining in, i will head to the gym 5 days and take a nice long walk the other 2. i have been making an effort for the whole family to eat better this past year, so i will continue with that. watch my bread intake (my weakness), and cut out sugars. i will update any prgress on Mondays. good luck!

umbrella wanted...

ok this whole rain thing is REALLY getting OLD. the sweet n low in my kitchen is clumping! in my house, not left outside. ifeel like i'm at a baseball game on a rainy day and can't get any freakin sweet n low in my coffee. figures too, i was really kinda bummin lately (like you couldn't tell), and decided yesterday to get outta my funk. so i decided ENOUGH, this is up to me. yeah then today i get up to 110% humidity in my house and literally pouring buckets of rain. it looks like the scenes from Forrest Gump. the kids are cranky and i am damn tired of looking on the bright side....i keep saying if it rains this week (and last week), what are the chances it will rain next week when we are at the beach?

i am starting to have nightmares of our Lake George vacation a few years ago.....anyone remember that one? for those of you who didn't have the joy of being there (and growing gills to survive) my brothers and sisters and i got a "cabin" and it poured for 4 of the 5 days. we were outside, in the rain, playing volleyball because we had lost our minds. and i use the word cabin loosely...trust me.

i get it for free

on our way to an outdoor graduation party today my oldest says...."well at least it isn't raining here" as he finishes the word here, raindrops start to fall on the windsheild. without missing a beat he says "well at least it isn't raining cash" bahahahaha..people pay to be entertained like this.

you mean this is it?

i have been reading alot of other peoples blogs since i started doing this. and i have noticed a common theme through alot of them. whether they are mommies of small children who are just figuring this whole thing out, seasoned pros (HA) like myself, who have been doing this awhile, or men and women just putting everyday thoughts and questions "out there" with the hope that someone, anyone, will say "i know what you mean". we do it to try and figure things out.

while i was away with my g/f's last weekend we started chatting about life in general. it started as a bitch session on our husbands, and delved a little deeper. it has to do more with life. John Lennon had a quote that went something like "life is what happens when you're making other plans" ( excuse the misquote if it's there). and i think i have finally come to understand exactly what that means.

if someone had told me 20 years ago where i would be in my life now, i would have given them my best "you are such an idiot" scoff , and said something real witty like "yeah whatever". this was not my plan. first of all, as the oldest of 5, i was NEVER having kids. i saw what it did, it sucked up all your money, it drained you of all your energy, and it stole who you really were. ummm ok, so i had no clue how much love you would feel for your child(ren) and i learned you didn't mind sacrificing those things, it was a small price to pay.

i also knew i wanted to get married, but to whom i married? no freakin way. i was marrying my soul mate and settling for nothing less. someone who would read a book after me and discuss it at length. someone who would give me new reasons to love him everyday, and make me feel appreciated with every word that came from his clean shaven face. someone who would accept with grace the fact that he is maturing and not cling to his 20's like they were the very blood that gives him life. again, i had no clue i would fall for the man who challenged everything i believed because he fell in love with my son before he fell in love with me.

contentment is a word used alot, and it's good. it's ok to be content. passion and excitement are great feelings, but they burn out and fade and life happens. thats what my friends and i were saying. we all felt guilty not being overly happy with our lives, but we love our kids and have learned the skillfull art of "mastering the husband", and we are content.

i think that's why so many of us feel the way we do. we didn't want to be content, we wanted to set the world on fire. i am 36, this is who i am. i will never be a high powered woman with the world at her beck and call. i will probably never live in LA, i will never be a size 2. i will never be so many of the things my young self pictured me being. i need to accept these things and move forward. but it is so hard to let go of those dreams.

i believe this is what a mid life crisis is. when you realize the dreams you had when you were young will always be dreams, and your life..yes the one you live every monotonous day..is really and truly what you got. and i don't mean to sound unhappy, because i'm not. i am just not 100% accepting it yet. but until i completely let go i will be content.

i wonder

Dear God,
I know you are very busy but hopefully you might have the time to answer a couple questions for me. First let me tell you how much i thoroughly enjoy being a mom to my 3 boys. But why did you give me the ability to give birth to 3 such "healthy" babies, and not make my bladder strong enough to handle the ordeal? Also I was wondering, how is it my sons can hit a ball with a little stick, perform any number of acrobatic receptions on a football field, and hit a moving target (usually a sibling) with a paintball gun, but they can not manage to relieve themselves without making puddles on the floor or seat? Finally, so as not to take any more of your time, why do boys think their room is clean if all they have done is throw everything on their bed?
Your answers would be greatly appreciated as these questions have plagued me for years. Thank you.

Skins (part 1)

well football season is around the corner. a little more than 2 months from the start of regular season. i am a football junkie. i'm not ashamed to admit it. NFL network is on in my house 24/7 during the season. so i am introducing you to the first of what will probably be a gazzillion entries in which i will gloat, scream, complain, cry and whatever else comes, along about my beloved Washington Redskins.

i have been a Skins fan since about 1979 or so, therefore Joe Gibbs is my modern day hero. he took us to 3 superbowls, he was the "glory days" coach. then he left football and went into NASCAR. finally 3 years ago, when the teams owner finally pulled his head out of his ass, he asked Joe Gibbs to return. I will never forget that day, my brother called me sounding sooo excited i thought he was getting married or had won the lottery. it was January or Feb and the season had just ended (miserably for us i will add), and from that moment on i couldn't wait for the new season to start. when he signed Mark Brunell as new qb i had my doubts, but he proved me wrong and i said i would not doubt him again.

sorry Joe, i gotta doubt you one more time. what the hell were you thinkin? why...why ...why did you let LaVar go? i watched NFL Total Access last night and they had an interview with LaVar....in his Giants blue. ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH it was so painful. (i guess i should interject here, as much as i love the Redskins...is how deeply i hate the Giants) it is part of the reason i have been avoiding football news on tv...i did not want to see that image.

LaVar was the heart of the team for a lot of bad years. when seasons were over, he would still step up and make a big play to keep spirits up. watching him gush in Tampa last year after winning his first playoff game, brought tears to my eyes. and he got a bad deal, he never meshed with the defensive head coach and you could tell. he was so unhappy he PAID them money to be released form his contract.

during the interview they asked him what he thought it would be like to play in Washington again, he said he knew the fans would cheer for the redskins, but he would be nervous to see how he would be received. he'll be a giant, but we will always love him.

she's baaaaack

i have returned, and everyone survived. the shower was wonderful i do not think this baby will need anything until at least his first birthday. and i am happy to report that the little guy should arrive healthy and happy and HUGE....the dr told them it looks like he is 6 pounds already...with 6 weeks to go. mom to be will be fine, i am sure..i too suffer from huge baby syndrome having shoved out 2, 9 pounders myself. i am real glad i avoided nb sizes. my youngest was NEVER a NB size, so i was wise to this.

and my trip to AC was great. as an added bonus...THERE ARE OUTLETS now. who knew? so not only did i have the beach, and a little nightlife...you can add shopping too. it was a trip trifecta. i returned home on tues night to 2 dozen beautiful roses, 3 very bloated children (frozen food syndrome) and a husband who now knows what i go through in a day.

i called him on Monday to remind him of middle guys baseball game, and got the rundown, he was in wal mart (ha), his mom was giving him grief (double ha) and the oldest "forgot" to ask if his g/f could come over and now hub didn't know what to do with them (big HA)....then i talked to him about 10 pm and he was tired. mr "why can't you ever stay up with me, i don't understand why you are so tired all the time", was himself retiring at 10 pm. you couldn't wipe the smirk off my face with an sos pad.

so i didn't have the TLC while you were out crew waiting anxiously for my inspection of my new digs, which would have been sheer ecstasy. but the crew survived and most of all...they learned they really can't live without me. i knew it all along.

scroll down

i added a new post but because i copied it a couple days ago it's not listed as today....does anyone know how to change the date of a saved draft?

vaca pt 2

hmph...ran around ALL morning, thinking i would have a couple hours to do laundry, clean up, look for the cat who seems to be boycotting us since our return. no f***n way man. instead i will be out again, my darling considerate hub failed to mention to me this morning or yesterday evening there were things he was needing done before i leave. then tommorrow, when i have not one second of time to spare, he will be whining i have no time for him. (i love my life ...i love my life...i love my life)

so a brief list of vacation tidbits before i forget them

it seems as though 95% of Virginians must have personalized license plates, these are some incredibly creative folks. i believe "fsh nked" was our favorite

i very much enjoyed being in a place where people not only understood my "got gibbs" t shirt, but they also liked it

i remember road rage, and was shocked at how quickly it can return

all "all you can eat" seafood buffets are not created equally, the one should have said, all you can eat, leave without a disease and your meal is free. we didn't stay

maximum time i should ever attempt to spend in the car with all 3 kids is now down to 2.5 hours.

7 year old boys do not believe you when you threaten to throw them out the sunroof..they laugh. and list other scenarios for which i may also threaten that. then they sulk and try to make you feel pity for their situation.

it was a great trip, the youngest even took my sister aside so he could buy me a specail gift. how sweet is he? and i realized the ocean is my drug of choice. ideally the ocean in Hawaii, but hey the Atlantic will suffice. the only way i could drag myself away was reassuring myself i will be back in a couple weeks.

fianally nothing brings out the little kid in my oldest like the water, he reminded me of his little boy self. of course then he would get out of the water and open his big yap and ruin my moment....but i'm used to that.

the grim reaper

I got up early this morning, knowing i had alot to accomplish today and tommorrow. the first of which was heading to the gym, seeing as i will be away agin fri-tues night. i did not want to let too many days go by or i fear i would fall out of it again, and the ink hasn't dried on their membership check yet. so i am feeling so smug..."look at me, i am sooo dedicated. up at 6 out to the gym, go me".

i don't know if it was my lack of caffeine yet, or an unusually busy day for the forest creatures, or just God taking me down a notch. but i hit a bunny. i feel like caca. to make matters worse a few short seconds later, still in shock over the bunny a chipmunk ran out and it too met it's maker.

cmon, how much worse can it get? in all my years of driving back ass country roads, i had only ever hit 1 critter. ONE!!! how does it happen today i do it twice? in the course of 30 seconds yet. i drive a durango and all i could picture was one of those cartoon trucks grinning maniaclly barelling through the forest with bunnies and deer and chipmunks and all the critters running for their lives.

beware forest creatures, the truck of death needs to venture out again. it is desperate for an oil change. i learned that even though your vehicle is 10,000 miles past it's reccommended oil change you can still add another 700 miles to that. i am not doing it again though. (reccommendations are for suckers anyway) and i must stock the house with food that kids and hub can handle, the oldest is staying home this weekend, and they will all be fending for themselves when i'm in AC. and i am pretty sure the pizza guy doesn't do breakfast.

home again, home again

we came home today, in spite of the PERFECT beach conditions this morning, i tried to talk the kids into staying one more day. but damn my lessons on the importance of committment, the middle guy did not want to let his team down. and they lost anyway. but we did have a wonderful time, the weather wasn't so great a couple of the days, but hanging out with my sister was a blast. we are good for each other, she always makes me realize i am way less nuts than she is, and my kids ALWAYS make her less focused on the fact she is not yet married, or has children.

i learned something this past weekend, my siter must be amazing at her job, she was given a gigantor promotion while i was there. i love her to death, but we are talking about a woman who obsessed over how much chicken to bring to a family get together for 2 weeks. she ended up bringing enough to feed everyone at Cedar Point that weekend. she still thinks cheezits are a food group, and laughs at farts. i just cannot imagine her making life or death decisions (literally) for hundreds of people, but she has and can, and is getting paid the bucks to do so. so YAY!

we did have a great time, we went to the Va Beach Aquarium the one day, it was very nice. hit it up if you're in the area. went to batting cages and driving ranges. played some mini golf, and ATE lots and lots and lots, and then a little more. OK i really didn't think you could eat until you felt nasueus...you can. and we learned that even though my youngest is almost 8, he will still spill a full soda at least twice during any vacation.

now this weekend i am headed home to "shower" my almost sister in law with many baby gifts, and visit my baby sister and 2 brothers and sister in law and (sigh) my parents.

i had so much i wanted to write but now it is escaping me..i'm tired.i'll be back.

i know the big one needs a haircut...jeez.

alot like Mayberry

Mayberry Mom: Compare and contrast

i love that post. it is so very true, and it is a reason why i keep saying how nice it is here, even when everyone else is making fun. go on and read it and then i have a few things to add to her list, although i am no where near techno savvy enough to figure out how in the hell to do a chart but my list adds.

it seems as though her children are younger, and as they get older she will see how much more there is. i have eyes everywhere. if one of my kids picks their nose, someone sees them. you can have a parent teacher conference at the baseball field, you can comfortably leave your child somewhere and know there are 15 other mothers watching him for you. you know your dentist isn't ripping you off, because you let him cut his Christmas tree out of your yard last year.

small town living has it's drawbacks, but the advantages (in my opinion) far outweigh. last fall, my oldest son's football team won the district championship. this enabled them to play for our region in state's (believe me hs football is a religion around her, it is a big thing), the whole town was decorated with balloons and signs for a week before the game, and after they won the volunteer firemen met their bus at the edge of town and escorted them through with lights and sirens. things like that would never happen in the city, it would have been on page 4 of the sports section. i told him to remember the way that felt, because those are the things that make this place special.

actually when you think about it, a small town is nothing more than a real big neighborhood, only the way a neighborhood was when i was growing up. today i don't even see a shadow of that neighborhood when i visit. maybe that's why i like it here.

now i get it

i have never been one to keep a journal or diary or anything like that. but now i see why people do. i went to just curse my husband out last night and it turned into "true confessions". but in writing what i was, i was talking myself out of my mood, and it felt good. so hopefully that will be the last time i air completely filthy laundry on the internet, but we'll see.

anyway, proving once again, karma is a biotch. my darling hub is in agony today. he had to go to the oral surgeon this morning and have 5 (yes FIVE) teeth pulled. and in his drug induced fog after having said teeth removed, he was falling all over himself, telling me how much he doesn't deserve me (true), and what a great person i am (also true). but alas the dope will wear off and it'll be back to old school.

i complain ALOT about him, i know. and if we didn't have the kids i probably would have left skid marks escaping by now. but i do love him, how can i not? i look at our kids and see him in each one of them. some days it pisses me off, but others it makes me remember. and while he may irritate the hell out of me sometimes, it is usually for doing something that is just him. he is very spontaneous, and it was one of the reasons i fell for him. i just wish he would learn to read my moods a little.

well i need to clone myself, or invent time travel to make everything work this afternoon and tomorrow. then it is off to the beach, where my sister and i will consume many calories, do the silent laugh ALOT, and have a couple too many beverages...while laying on the beach. yeah!!!!!! i know i'll feel better after that.

if you can't think of anything nice to say

....the only lesson i decided to hold onto (except the clean underwear one), was if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. so i won't say anything about my kids, my husband, the idiot who handles my account, my MIL, or anyone. cause "that's it....I hate everyone!" ....that is a quote stolen form my youngest, who was then 4 , after a very long day at Disney. i feel it applies today....

goodbye to the family(ies)

for the last 2 weeks that is all HBO has been reminding me to " say goodbye to the family for the last time this year". watch the explosive season finale before the FINAL 8 episodes. you know what... GOODBYE.

i swear, how can a show that started out so great turn into such a ho hum? i just don't get it. even this season started off awesome. Tony got shot, for those of you who don't watch. but that was it. everything else stunk up the joint. how do the writers for HBO shows even justify it? they had to come up with what, 12 stinkin shows a season, and they can't keep it interesting? i don't even think there were 12 episodes this year. blah on you Soprano's. i will watch the FINAL 8 episodes, only because i have to see how it all ends, but i will do it with a chip on my shoulder i tell ya. of course it will probably be 10 months before it's on again so i'll have all kind of time to stew over this.

on the flip side though, the finale they didn't hype, Big Love, was great. i won't say anything in case someone who watches didn't see yet, but it had me in tears. for real, and i haven't cried since Mulder left the X Files. so now here i sit wondering what the hell am i supposed to do now? i had 2 shows i watched, now i have nothing until football season (95 days i think).

it isn't like i can't fill that void with, oh maybe cleaning the boy's bathroom, or something useful. but it's nice to have something to look forward to. i liked saying "hey it's sunday, i'll actually have something to watch tonite", now i have 3 looong months with a gaping hole in the part of my brain longing for entertainment.

of course football season creates a beast the likes of which none of you have seen yet, so "get your popcorn" (loser TO)...and give me a good book to read or something.

vacation memories

Vacations are looming ahead (woohoo!!!!!), starting this upcoming weekend i am heading to Va beach to visit my sister for a few, then to Albany for my soon to be born nephew's baby shower, then i am going solo with my g/f's to AC for a couple days. the first week in July the hubs and chillins and i are going to the beach for a week.

most people right about this time will be dreaming ahead to the sun and sand, or visiting the relatives, lazy days etc. not this family, oh no. we are thinking ahead to the FOOD. it's almost embarrassing to write, but it's true. pizza that actually tastes like pizza, a cheesesteak that isn't a steakum with american cheese put on top, boardwalk fries with MALT vinegar , BAGELS sweet bagels,crispy on the outside, warm and chewy inside,and no one says to you "do you want it toasted?" because that would be a crime. calling for sushi to be delivered, and a roast beef sandwich where the roast beef is almost still rare. these are things that should never be taken for granted.

because i grew up east coast and my hubs traveled a couple years in the military before we moved in together we both have a palate for good food. ok who doesn't? but we have tasted it, lived it and enjoyed it. added to the fact before the kids schedules got hectic we would sit around on a friday and say man i feel like some pizza...so we would head up to NYC for the weekend. mmm cheesesteak? down to Philly. we traveled alot. we were spoiled. we are now paying the price.

the food where i live SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. it really sucks. i ordered a pizza last night and was reminded why i gave up my favorite sausage and peppers. you are either going to get green peppers or mild to hot pepper rings. i specifically asked "do you have SWEET pepper strips?" um yeah was the answer. ummm NO they were not sweet pepper strips you pizza man loser. even in a city as large as Pittsburgh, i have yet to find something truly enjoyable. everyone looks to cabbage like it were a god around here. WTF is wrong with all of you?

you can't even find the good ingredients in the stores to attempt to create it at home. i know it's time to get outta here and consume mass quantities. last night i had a dream about those little hawaiian bananas i lived on last summer. it is sad. the calories i will consume while on vacation will also be sad, but at least i'll be smiling.

life lessons

i consider myself to be a fairly brave, even tempered, rational person. i think most people who know me would agree. i don't back down from a challenge, and i stay calm in the face of chaos. all those traits go right out the window when my oldest is driving.

he actually doesn't even drive that badly. especially considering he has a lunatic in the passenger seat. i do all those things...you know...hitting an imaginary brake, tilting my body hoping i will make the car veer a little more in the proper direction, raise my voice to an almost alarming level every damn time a car in front of him applies the brake. i don't even recognize myself. i hate it.

when we go to drive somewhere i can hear it in the back of my head a full 30 seconds before he even says it..."can i drive?" or the more manly "i'm driving". i look for excuses "the sun is too bright", "not with your brothers in the car", "cloudy, might rain"..my list is endless. when i do relent and let him drive i honestly feel queasy. you know that feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster and climbing the BIG hill? i have that feeling from the minute he asks until we park.

here's the kicker...i really want him to get his license. i do. i know some people are thinking i don't want him to grow up. sooo not true. him driving equals a lot less running for me. he even has a car ready and waiting that we are giving him. i'm kinda irked that he can't get his license until sept 11, which will be a full month into football season. and means i will be getting the "come get me" phone call at all times of the night and day.

to steal a line from Roseanne...."Now i know why some animals eat their young"

sniff...sniff

what's that smell? that smell my friends and neighbors is the sweet smell of some FRESHLY CUT GRASS!!!!!

the gods are against me

i am not sure exactly what is living in my front yard, but it must be fabulous. perhaps an ancient pygmie tribe, or some wild almost extinct creature, maybe an herb that will cure cancer. i honestly don't know, but i wish the damn thing would get in touch with National Geographic, be discovered, and get outta my yard. i really want to cut the grass.

i can think of no other reason why the fates are against me ever strolling through my front yard without fear of snakes, and severe blood loss. it is insane. i told you all the story of the missing lawn mower. so i went and got another, and actually the people who sold my old one, sold me another used one very close to my own (a little better actually) for an incredibly reasonable price. so now of course i feel REAL bad about that stink eye/evil wish i sent their way. but anyway, i got it home and it RAINED buckets for the next 48 hours, then the day it was nice, i had no time or free kids to work on it. we are up to Sat morning now, i wake up at 7, the sun is shining, i have nowhere to be...i am cuttin the grass....sike. literally 2 laps around the yard and, because the grass is so high i cannot see, i hit a rock. snaps the mower belt. spend all day saturday attempting to get a belt. it seems that while it is a nice mower, belts for it are damn near impossible to find in stock. finally i surrendered. it was Sat 5pm of Memorial day weekend. I gave up until Tuesday.

Tuesday i went to my auto parts store in town and asked him to order me one, he did, and I got it yesterday at noon. it is very difficult to put on so I had to wait for my neighbor to get home at 4 to put it on (as hub is not home). then i had to take the oldest to football and middle guy had a baseball game. the clouds come rolling in, thunder and lightning on the horizon..you know the usual. but alas...the storm holds off and i am getting super excited "i am finally going to cut the grass!!!!"

i got the back grass 1/2 cut (thank you Jesus) and the spring that they had to remove to put the new belt on was not replaced properly, so all operations are halted again.

you know there are a few household chores i really enjoy. cutting the grass is one of them. maybe i'm weird or something, but it makes me feel good to look out over a freshly cut yard. i left a cell phone in the yard this morning with my atm card i am hoping the pygmies get the hint.