Wednesday, June 27, 2007

to think Pink Floyd had it all figured out and I was too stupid to listen

Do you read your horoscope?

I do, almost every day, believing it though is usually an entirely different beast all together. Sure you read it, you chuckle, you go about your day never giving it a second thought. Every once in awhile though, it seems to hit the nail right on the ol head. Usually my head, but sometimes it is dead on. Unfortunately i don't heed the advice until it's too late, or will read it the next day and think damn, there's some info that would have come in handy yesterday.

So, to end this nonsense rambling, let me get to the horoscope the other day told me, things will begin to calm down now. Take advantage of the peace. I spoke out loud to my computer..."You better be right". Because we still like each other, I am thinking it will listen. The mess of last week is looking up, for that I am grateful. But in the midst of it, I selfishly thought how much it sucked that I couldn't even get 2 days to myself without the world crumbling. Then guilt took over, and slapped me around. So, if there is one thing I am ready for is some peace.

I am one of those people who pretty much sees any situation as half full. So, I like to think I do not create my own drama. So you move along through life things are going ok. Could be better, could be worse...blah blah blah. Then one day you walk smack dab into the brick wall. No matter how hard you try, that wall is there, yielding occasionally, just enough to trick you into thinking all was good again. "HAH...sucker", the wall snickers. Back again.

But if you think back, you can remember a time when the wall wasn't there. All was quiet, if you're like me, it's when my kids were young. I was young. I was staying home, living in a neighborhood I loved, enjoying every day of my life. Then one day the wall showed up, and I have been struggling to get over, around, or just blow the damn thing up, since. It's given way on occasion, but it won't completely let me through. Here's hoping my horoscope was right, and my wall lets me pass this time.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

genetics and not so much

Last weekend was my anuual girl's trip to Atlantic City, and it was fabulous....for the first 24 hours. Then I got some bad news and it became nothing more than a test of my will and determination. The first phone call to my husband went something super rational like "You NEED to come get me NOW, because I CANNOT be here with this going on!!!!!!"

However cooler heads prevailed for me, and helped me realize there wasn't much I could do wherever I was. Short of renting a leer jet to transport me, and seeing as nickel slots don't usually pay out in the hundred thousand dollar range that wasn't a viable option. So i ran my cell phone battery down like 4 times and waited out the last day of my trip.

When I received the news I had been on my way to "dinner". I say dinner, but really I was on my way to the feeding frenzy that can only occur when the words seafood, buffet, all you can eat, and crablegs are involved. And I was gonna show my friends my trademark "butter" shooter too. But I would like to retain some sort of dignity here, so I will refrain from further explanation. So obviously, I begged off dinner. My dear friends didn't want to go, but I had blubbered at them long enough and they had endured an hour of the kind of phone calls a large family in crisis can create, so I told them to go. I would go outside and get some air, then go charge my phone and wait.

About 90 minutes later I am talking to my sister in VA, and I realized as I was on the phone with her, that even though I wasn't hungry, I had eaten a rather large bag of ceddar and sour cream chips, and half of the gallon bag of mini candy bars. HMMMMM Stress much? My sister wouldn't admit to it, but she was most likely smoking her 50th cig while her 3rd french bread pizza was cooking. Today she and another family member are headed to Friendly's...because if there is one thing our family does in crisis it's eat and we do it well.

Switch to the opposite end of the spectrum, upon my return I checked my email the next day. My youngest sister who is getting married next May had already emailed me a link to her registries (before the near tragedy, of course). Because if that had been me, the one who did her entire 20 page senior essay in one weekend. You know the one they assign the beginning of the year to turn in at the end? Registries wouldn't be complete until 2 weeks before. No wonder she's nervous about me being in charge of her shower. Has anyone ever had an "after wedding" shower?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

love and such

I am IN LOVE!!!!! I am, I am, I am. I have suffered long and hard and the rewards are so worth it. I have mentioned before about my love/hate relationship with all things electronic. Sure they make life a little easier, but in the long run, they always kick me when I'm down. Take for example computers. My PC before the one i have been using up and quit on me in JANUARY 2005. JANUARY people. As a self employed bookeepeer who is a little lazy on the backing up, that is absolutely the worst possible time for my computer to quit.

Why? You ask....Becasue in January I have reports to file, w 2's to send out, and those pesky things like income tax to prepare for. Usually there are about 3 months of work that I inadvertantly haven't backed up yet, making a computer failure disastrous. Not to mention January begins what I like to refer to as our "humble time".

Or to put it bluntly, it's our poor season. There is no money coming in, and because we still believe in the magic money fairy or something, we have usually spent most of our cash on really important things like...snowmobiles, and Disney trips. Miraculously I scraped enough cash up to get a new PC and so began our honeymoon period. You know how those first 6 months it seems like your new friend can do know wrong, it reads your mind and anticipates your desires. Life is just too good.

Then one day you get a weird message from it, "No big deal" you think. (click) all gone, still friends. Only that's just the beginning. My computer becomes more and more like my husband every day, whining and complaining, slow to start, and LAZY. Then, much like I do my children, I begin to bribe it. "Please' c'mon, just do this one thing and I'll shut you down". Then I start to threaten it, finally I end up ignoring it as much as humanly possible and throw the ol stink eye it's way when I pass.

I have endured 6 long months of listening to my PC sound like a helicopter when I would attempt to do anything, run 2 programs? Oh hell no. I think it would have flown away, or simply imploded. Plus it noticed I was spending a bit too much time on the internet, so it quit that on me too. Forcing me to use a laptop that my super svelte husband (all 6'4 and 270 pounds of) stepped on and cracked the hinge, so the screen hung a little crooked, which was always fun. You haven't paid your car insurance, until you've paid it sideways!

So yesterday my new love arrived, and I can run as many programs at once as I want, I can work AND go on the internet. I can even look it straight in the eye and it's so quiet I forget it's even on. PLUS, it has this great post it note thingy in the (gush) sidebar...ooohhhh. I know I am falling again and I would like to think I have learned my lesson. In matters of the heart I guess I'm a sucker.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


As a mom of only boys there are a few things I never had an opportunity to witness over the last 17 years. I have seen my fair share of cheerleading competitions. and done some formal dress shopping, even hung around a gymnastic camp or two. I had never been to a dance recital before this past weekend.

I know friends who have girls complain incessantly about the dreaded recital, and after sitting through one I can kind of see their point. KINDA Because I realized on Saturday night I GOT GIPPED!!!!! I never wanted a girl so badly as I did sitting there watching these young women dance.

They ranged in age from 4 to 18, so there were some high points and some low. And if I had been a mom to the 4 year olds, who were onstage for all of 3.5 minutes of the THREE HOURS, I may have been a bit put off. But some of the girls were absolutely stunning (my son's g/f being one of them), and to pour salt in the wound, the theme was 80's songs.

SO I sat there listening to my songs and watching other people's daughters dance. It was heart wrenching. I had always thought I was ok with never having had a girl. I am so thankful for my boys, that they are healthy and smart, and every other wonderful thing they are. But they will not don a tutu...ever. Probably not even on a dare.

Looking back though I am super glad I decided to go the permanent birth control route a few years back, cause I would most likely be sweating right now if I hadn't. As much as I loved to dance, and as much as I would have loved to have a dughter to share my passion with, I do not want to have a child starting kindergarten as I am becoming a grandma.