Thursday, June 29, 2006

my way or else

i am a control freak...there, i've said it out loud. but i don't feel better about it. i can't believe this is who i am. i posted earlier about my issues with teaching the oldest to drive. it was suggested to me that possibly i didn't like giving up the control of the vehicle. poo i said, who wants to take over my life? come get it...please.

i think it's true. i always thought i wasn't, i roll with more things in a day then alot of people would have to deal with in a month. but that is confusing capable with controlling. (lightbulb over my head)

yesterday afternnon hub and i were discussing his cousins upcoming wedding. it's at a bad time. first weekend in Sept. , equals kids in school, first weekend of the boys football seasons, and not an easy time to leave. so he says to me, we should go alone together. it's in OBX, hotel is paid for, and we could be real live grown ups TOGETHER...dinners, a nice party, all dressed up. a long weekend alone. sounds relaxing, right?

WRONG...i start to freak out worrying about the kids. his mom is just unreliable. but in reality it would be 3 days, one of which they would be in school, and one of which all she would need to do is sit at the football field. i know she could do it. then i get all weird about missing their games. because i haven't been to a kagillion peewee and hs football games, and won't be at every other one the rest of the season.

then later in the evening, we went to watch hub race the car. it's a 1/4 mile track, and on weds anyone can race. dirtbikes, motorcycles, slicks and street cars. so i'm driving the car out and he's in my car with the kids..."plotting". we get there and he say's he wants to let the oldest run my car on the track. (WTF HOLY SH*** ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDDING ME). i was like no way ...uh uh, sorry. and hub looks at me and says why not? then i realize, what right do i have to tell him he can't do something with our son. something he loves and wants to share with his kids. i am a control freak.

if it doesn't get done my way i don't like it. esp when it comes to the kids. herein lies alot of our problem. i complain about doing everything for everyone, but i think that's the way i like it. so as i watched my first born dirve my car down a race track at (a very respectable) 85 miles an hour (in 16 seconds!) i began to think i need to let go ...but just a little.

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