ok maria...move on already

i know, i know...today is sept 12, and it's time to move on. believe me i have other things i was debating writing about. like it's a good thing the giants and cowboys also lost this weekend, or how proud i am of my oldest right now. but in rereading my sept 11 post, i realized there is more i need to say.

i am angry

yes, i went to bed that horrible night and thanked God that myself, and everyone i loved were safe and sound. i was thankful for the fact that i had lived to the ripe old age of 31, before i knew that kind of fear or terror. there are children in the world who have this in their lives every day. i was proud to be an American, and i wouldn't let a terrorist take that away. EVER...but my eyes were opened

even someone as jaded and hard hearted as myself, had become all warm and cozy. maybe that scared me more than anything. while i am not going to be a member of some "society", where all things government are evil. i am no longer all smiles and sunshine.

in the months that followed, as more and more information came out, and it was inarguably proven that 9/11 should never had been allowed to happen, my discontent grew. and i feel that way to this day. while i am very lucky to be an american with all the priveleges we are afforded, i am also very wary. and very angry.

my sept 11 story began on memeorial day of 2001 and most likely came to a close the following june. we were all hearing about advanced security, things like this would never be allowed to happen again. our government was doing everything to save us from the evils of the world. but were they?

in june of 02 i took the kids to Disney world. departing from orlando intl airport i stood in line with 3 sunburned children. dressed in disney apparel, laden with mounds of disney crap. even had a disney suitcase that i had been forced to purchase to lug some of it home. i watched warily as several single men checked in for my flight, some with nothing more than a small checked bag, or carry on breif case. it was something we all did in the first year or so after. i also looked over to the side where the "security" was supposedly watching for individuals they felt needed extra screening. who was chosen for the screening? you got it....me.

this was not the random "you're ticket was selected" screening, this was an actual security officer trying to determine who looked most at risk. this was a joke. the more i thought about it the angrier i got. they were not trying to find terrorists, they were just trying to make it look like they were.

i will never forget the victims of sept 11, i will never forget the fear. and i will never let go of that discontent.

(and i promise to move forward :) )

Sept 11th, 2001

my Sept 11 story actually starts in May of 2001. we had taken the kids to NYC for Memorial day weekend. we stayed in the hotel located in the WTC, i think it was a sheraton, but i can't remember for sure now. we took the kids to the observation deck one day, but it was overcast and you couldn't see much. we also went to the Statue of Liberty, and i had wanted to take a pic of the kids with the skyline i loved so much in the background. but it was a dreary day and you couldn't even see an inkling of Manhattan. next time i said to myself, i'll get the picture next time.

Sept 11, itself was a beautiful day here. the older2 kids were at school and we had taken the youngest out to a field to tag some trees. (we wholesale trees) i got a text on my phone from a friend informing me a plane had hit the WTC. assuming it was a small commuter plane or something, i said almost jokingly to my hub, "Can you believe a plane could hit the WTC?" we wondered how you could make such an error. a few minutes later our phones rang almost simaltaneously, his mom, my dad. his mom was telling him another plane had hit, my dad asking me did i know where my sister was (at the time her job had her travelling ALOT, and she always connected through Logan). they both told us it was bad. the second plane had hit on live tv. it was looking like it was intentional.

not being ones to panic, even we were getting nervous. and i couldn't get through any longer on my cell to try to make sure my sister was not in the air. so many of us heard those words that day...."Circuits are busy" we quickly finished up, gave instructions to the guys and got into the car. just as we were pulling away we heard that the Pentagon had also been hit. it was then that we knew, this was bad. a few minutes later, i remember i was turning the corner at 210 and 422, we were informed that one of the towers had fallen. i felt sick inside that the city i loved so much had been changed forever.

it was a 45 minute drive back home, and at one point we heard a breif blurb that actually mattered more to us than anything else. a plane had been reported to have crashed in sw PA. that is when panic took over. Where? When? How? trying frantically to get throught to anyone whose phone #s we knew. we live 25 miles from Shanksville. that was the hardest part, making it that last 20-25 minutes until we got home and saw for ourselves it had not been our town, or our children's school.

got the kids from school, and as reports were coming in that the plane had been from Logan i worried about my sister. she usually flew to Seattle and she usually flew Northwest, i didn't think she was going to be away that week, but i wasn't satisfied until i finally heard from my step mom around noon that my sister had gotten through to them and she was safe.

later in the afternoon there was a noise that broke the eerie silence that surrounded us. it was a sound i will never forget. unmistakably the sound of approaching military helicopters. i made an excuse for the kids to come sit next to me and waited. i can honestly say i was never, nor have i ever been so freightened in my life. i didn't know where they were coming from, i could only hear them. finally i saw them and realized what they were. they were flying so low i thought they might land on the roof. that for me, was what i will always remember about that day. and i hope to never feel so terrified again.

in the days that followed we watched CNN until we couldn't see. we couldn't sleep or even think straight. but gradually life resumed and we carried on. i was sitting on my deck one night after air travel resumed and saw a plane in the sky. when i saw that plane i realized my life had been changed forever. i would never see that sight the same way again.

I for one will "Never Forget"

hooky

being self employed AND a stay at home mom has alot of advantages. when i need to be mom, i don't have to call in to work, and my schedule is usually what i make it to be. while my job title runs something like bookkeeperofficemanagerpayrollclerkerrandrunner etc (you get the idea), if i were to do it efficiently (i tried that once...yuck), it would take me approximately 10 hours every week. not exactly oppressive.

ever since the youngest started school all day i started to feel like i should be doing more. i feel guilty if i'm sitting doing nothing in the middle of the day. so i try to keep busy. doing things for school, around the house whatever. so today i woke up and began thinking of all the things i "needed" to get done today. i even decided to forego the gym, i figured i would rather accomplish more around the house in that 90 minutes.

just as i'm about to get started on tearing apart the room i just moved my office out of, my hub calls. just to say hi , oh and they're going fishing today. WHOA, am i a moron? why am i worried about getting payroll done, starightening the new office, catching up on some bookkeeping, and ripping out carpet. while he is going fishing??!!?? WHY?? i ask you...why?

so i did what a smart girl would do....

got a shower got dressed, even put on makeup. got in the good car (not my suv, the sports car), put the top down and went shopping. not just shopping, oh no...i went shopping for NOTHING. i didn't need anything, i was just looking maybe for some shoes. went to bed bath and beyond and bought stuff for the new bathrooms, went to Michaels and got some crafty things, went to lunch with a friend who lives by the mall. and we had (gasp) wine ...WITH LUNCH. then we went shoe shopping together.

and do you know what? it was awesome. and i got home and payroll was still there and filing can be done later, and i hadn't even missed any calls. take that.

and tonite at the oldest's football game...we're tailgating. something hub never wants to do, because he is so anti social. you'll recognize me...i'm wearing my new shoes.

PROOF

i have felt like the only adult in my house for years now. yesterday i got the proof i needed. while waiting in Charlotte for his connecting flight to Hilton head who misses his plane?.....Because he lost track of time playing poker online!!!!!! point, set match

enter at your own risk

today is the day my hub left for his cousin's wedding. oh yeah you might remember, it's in Hilton Head, on the beach. parties with friends from years ago. and i was going to go, but things just didn't work out. too much was going on at school for the kids, and my sister could only come a couple days. plus she does have alot on her plate at work right now. and i had noone but my MIL to cover for the time she wouldn't be here. the last time i attempted to leave my MIL in charge was the last. so make a long sob story short, hubs just left for the beach and here i sit.

garrrr i am bummed. i wanted to go more than he does. he has no choice though, he's in the wedding. soooo the point of all this? oh yeah the POINT....

beware.... i promised myself i would use this time to get a lot of my little half finished projects, DONE. so if i don't make an appearance over the next couple of days hopefully it means i am busy busy busy, painting, cleaning and moving furniture. going to open house at 3 schools, and football on fri night and sat evening. catching an awesome ohio state game on Sat ( at least part of it, i hope), and vegging in front of my TV on Sunday watching the foolsball.

in reality i'll probably just be feeling sorry for myself.....

am i so transparent?

on Monday oldest and I were discussing curfew. i said 10 was absolutely the latest i would allow. usually it's 9:30 on school nights, but he had napped earlier in the day because it was a holiday. i feel i'm being generous, he argues.

the child is an arguer, he always has been. if anyone was born to instill change, it's him. i am just hoping he puts his powers to good. in all honesty, this kid could go either way. he is the definition of alpha male, and any attempt to instill that thing called modesty have been dismissed.

so in the discussion of curfew, i said to him "You WILL be in this house by 10" his reply to me is "Or what? You're going to ground me? My life is school and football anyway, what are you gonna take away?"

am i more incensed because he is arguing, or because i know he's right? so thinking quickly on my feet i reply " well we'll just see when i let you get your liscense". he is eligible on the 11th to get his drivers license. his answer to this?

"you want me to be able to drive, more than i do anyway. you'll let me".

foiled again, can this kid read my mind? but i am not giving up all hope yet...he was home by 9:55.

the end of an era

remember the night you stumbled into the bathroom half asleep, didn't turn on the light, trying to be as quiet as humanly possible to avoid waking anyone up? and what happens? you slip on a bath toy that was discarded from the tub earlier and overlooked. making you yelp first in shock, i mean what is this slimy thing on the floor? halfway down you realize it's baby mickey's wash rag. and you remember how much fun you had earlier in the evening fetching it 7890 times, much to your little ones glee. and hey, the fun still ain't over, as you crack your elbow on the sink, and bump your head on the towel rack...almost pee your pants, i mean you were going in for a reason. and teach most of your neighborhood a string of curse words one may never had previously imagined could work together.

how about the header you took out of the shower that day, because you had been too lazy to bend over and pick up the boat that was laying in there. it showed you who was boss, grab a towel, go to dry your hair BAM...now that's a pretty sight.

what did you do those times? if you were me you dreamed of 2 things, 1) the day you had your own bathroom..because noone would be allowed to bring toys in moms tub (hah! as if) and 2) the day there were no bath toys cluttering the bathroom.

well my friends my time has come. while doing the bathroom over, i took the shelf that housed the bath toys and placed it on the deck. the shelf is not going back into the bathroom, so i told youngest yesterday to pick out the ones he still used and we would keep them in a smaller bucket. he looked at me and he looked at the toys, he said "you know , i don't think i need them anymore. i usually take showers now and i never use them."

you could hear my heart break.....

i dreamed of this day for so long. when i was scrubbing "magic" bath finger paint off the walls, or picking up all 235 species Noah had on the ark. the day when the plumber had to pull an entire army guy, one leg, arm torso and head at a time from that curly part of the pipe. and as i sat with hair dryer to legos that i told them wouldn't float, or poured half the tub one cup at a time into the playland that would never stay suctioned to the side of the bath anyway. the days when i stood up from the tub aching because my back does not like to stay in that position for quite so long. and of course on the times i walked into the bathroom to see 15 years of bath toy accumulation scattered everywhere.

now thats it here, i have to admit i will miss it. those carefree evenings scrubbing dirty faces and that great smell their hair had when i took them out. even when they were a little older hearing them play and splash, hearing boat noises or guys fighting in the river. i'm sad to see it go.

now if i could just get them to learn to keep the water in the shower.....

weekend in pictures

whole lotta early morning, driving, RAIN and football. why can't high schools get domes? i am off to attempt to raise my core temp in a HOT bath....for the record..oldest won, middle guy lost, youngest won.

it's back..and double the fun

arggg...second day of school, youngest hands over his back pack...inside, waiting, lurking, taunting...the spelling book.

long gone are the days when the teacher would print the words up on a sheet and hand them out, oh NOOOO that would make my life a wee bit simpiler. as was the case last year, teacher puts the words on the board and the kids copy them into the spelling notebook. not a problem for most 3rd grade children.

i said most

my child is, of course, the exception to the rule. he simply cannot pay attention long enough to jot the words down. last year we had 10, this year ....20 . because i am kind of good friends with his teacher last year, i had an in. he would give me printed lists for like 2 months in advance. not that it helped much as far as actually passing the spelling tests, but at least we actually knew what the words were.

on tuesday i opened the notebook to find 5 (yes FIVE) words written down. i asked was he sure that was all the words. why yes mother, i mean what did i think he couldn't managae to copy some words into a notebook. silly me. at football practice one of the other moms, who is familiar with my spelling struggles, says to me..."How did you like that spelling list?"

cautiously i ask, umm yeah, so how many words did your son bring home? 20, was her guarded answer...fearing i may do her bodily damage over my sons inability to write down words. so she runs home and grabs me the list so i can copy them down, not only is he missing 15 of the words, but he has 2 of the 5 he copied down wrong. wooo boy it's going to be a long year

bad Vera Bradley...bad

this is the one that i ordered. imagine my dismay when i opened the box ...super excited for my new bag. and found this .....









it was a little like the day i thought i had purchased a new printer........

school days

my, my,my how time flies when everyone leaves me alone. school started for everyone yesterday. the younger 2 had to go on Monday, oldest had an extra day...which of course, was an injustice the likes of which has never been seen before.

Monday morning dawned a bit gloomy but there was excitement in the air. the middle guy has to get the bus at 6:45, so our day starts early. this is his first year at the jr/sr high school, and he was a little excited. he poppped out of bed and was ready to go in record time. talking about getting to classes, filling his backpack with folders and notebooks, pens, pencils. reading his schedule over and over..his anticipation was interrupted only momentarily when the oldest came out of his coma just long enough to yell something about middle guys sexual orientation, and remind him that he would be spending the day on the couch.

out he goes for the bus, a few minutes early chatting away. 15 minutes later it was time to get youngest up. this was not quite such a pleasant experience. he crawled back under the blanket no less than 10 times. litterally crawled to the couch dragging his blanket behind him, rolled off the couch after i told him 3 times that he had to go get dressed. grumbling under his breath school was gay, why did he have to go to school. eating breakfast so early was gay, why couldn't he wear his flip flops? his feet were choking in his sneakers.

breakfast takes entirely too long, brushing teeth takes 5 reminders and threats of missing the bus. silly me...missing the bus is not a threat..he says to me "good then i can go back to bed". all he needs in his backpack is a football. so we argue over what is going in. out the door, i swear to God..the kid sticks one arm out the door and shudders..it's cold, i can't go. mom 1 kid 0...as i watched the bus carry my grumbling little 3rd grader, complete with choking feet and bed head, away, i could hear the pop of many a cork.

similar reactions upon return, middle guy eagerly gets out his books to cover, prepares notebooks and binders. lines up papers for me to sign. chatting away about his day. and hour later the bus approaches and i hear a voice bellow..."FREEDOM" as youngest comes down the driveway. not sure if he has homework, not sure if he has spelling words, but knows he has to wear a "stupid" tie on Thursdays to get upees. (upees are like reward money they get to use in the upee store on certain days). thats it..nothing else. he remebers nothing about his day, can't remeber who is in his class, and isn't sure what happened to his pencil bag.


oldest finally went yesterday, armed with his gym bag and a pen. he actually took a notebook and his backpack today...i won't see it again until may.

it's gonna be another long year...but at least the house is blissfully quiet...ALL DAY LONG

my baby boy

my baby boy turned 8 yesterday... here's to you buddy

wtf?

http://gallery.pcapex.com/data/500/good_housekeeping1955.jpg
my sister sent me this...i am hoping if you click on it it will enlarge, because you have got to read it. i can safely say, at least i know what i'm doing wrong now.

back to regularly scheduled programming

i am much happier today, maybe it was just a funk...who knows. but getting the work done around the house really perked me up. the state of my abode must have been more distracting to me than i realized.

the 2 bathrooms upstairs got new flooring, and the boy's bathroom got a whole face lift. all the doors upstairs (which is our main living area) are new, and they open AND close. who knew? and we had had a few shingles blow off the roof last fall, this creates rain in your house. the shingles were replaced but the room had damage. so there is a new ceiling and walls in that room. i really like it. i still need to paint , but i am not paying 3 guys a combined $40 and hour to do it. it also got me thinking about some other projects that i know i could tackle on my own. despite what my hub says, i know i can do it. although i better buy LOTS of extra parts. so i am excited and looking forward to accomplishing these things throughout the fall.

all things included parts and labor it was not as much as i originally thought it might be. so i am moving my office and switching the boys bedrooms around, so each can have their own. the best part is i can do it one room at a time, thank God. i don't have to rush to try and get everything done in a weekend. then i am thinking of putting new flooring in the l/r and what will be my new office. so we shall see, and i f blogger ever allows pics again, i will post them as i finish.

need some new accesories for the bathrooms now. i am gonna need to go to target...damn

Hail......

just let me be the first to warn all NFC East fans....LOOK OUT... TJ Duckett is EXACTLY what the Skins have been lacking. we are high powered at receiver and thanks to the football gods...we now have us an awesome backfield...wooooweeeeee

still kickin

ok...i am alive and well, i haven't sulked my way into a corner with my thumb in my mouth. actually i am having some long needed work done around the house so i've been busy running to Lowes and what not...plus my computer is on occasion buried under construction stuff. woo hoo fun....thanks for the anecdotes and encouraging words, yesterday was rather non eventful, so maybe things are looking up. although i did start Monday by spilling my coffee all over my desk...that almost broke me. but i am a warrior!!!! hahaha

and school is now only5 days away...THANK YOU JESUS! i may survive. i had wanted to post pics of my damage, but couldn't...grrr, was hard to see anyway.

i forgot a funny the other night...after the accident i pulled into wal mart, of course the woman i hit was going there too. i noticed her pulling in behind me. i called my sister to tell her what happened, told her now i was embarassed to go into the store because that woman i had just hit 5 minutes ago was there. she said "Quick, go run into her with a cart now" hahahaha

wait ...it keeps getting better

on a routine run to (shudder) wal mart, because i didn't get to the other store before they closed, and needed cat food, so the big cat wouldn't eat the little cat tonight. here's what happens....

driving along... cell phone rings ...look to see who it is....look up

oh.my.God. car in front of me is stopped......

BAM!! no dmage to the other car, mine probably $2500...hood, headlight, grill...woo hoo can't wait for tomorrow

hmph

so after my foul mood of the last few days, i promised myself i would try to shake it off this morning. here's what has happened so far

i woke up to the cat litterally nudging me in the back because she hadn't eaten in 10 minutes. at 5 am

i got up to throw...errr i mean...let the cat out, realized it had rained in the playroom last night. pretty hard too

went back to bed

woken up second time by the sweet melody of the younger 2 fighting over a video game at 8 freakin o clock in the damn morning (that may be a direct quote)

made coffee by pouring the pot of water all over the counter top

then went to set my 16oz glass of juice/water combo down, and missed...again all over the counter. i can't drink plain water in the am so i put a lil juice in, maybe i should try scotch

made cinnamon rolls for the kids and it appears something was in the oven from thursdays dinner, set off smoke alarms and ruined rolls

fought with Ringo (oldest) over him getting a haircut TODAY!

i guess i'll have to try again tommorrow

something stinks

gee what? my mood. THAT'S WHAT. i am in a super foul mood the last couple of days, and i really can't explain it. everything the kids do is bugging the crap ouutame. picked a fight with the hub, went shopping and got a ton of stuff on super clearance (75% off of Polo...HELLO?) and got it all home and decided to return all but 1 stinkin skirt, cause i was having such a pity party. "oh poor me i never go anywhere to wear this" boo hoo . now regret returning it, because i am just feeling icky.

i get like this sometimes. i wish i knew why. and usually it is at a time when i should be happy. we have no money headaches right now, kids are good, school is a week away. maybe being home last weekend with all my sibs and extended family made me realize how much i miss them all. cause i really do. i wish we could all live in the same city, hell even the same state would be nice.

maybe it's that summer is over and it went quick, and there really wasn't anything spectacular. grrr who knows. i just wish i could shake myself out of it. i hate feeling like this, because so many people would love to do the things i am able to do. i always feel so guilty for feeling blue. and that makes it worse..

i know this is dull and depressing...but right now, that is exactly how i feel. (aren't you glad you stopped by?)

so it begins

i was startled awake this morning by a sickening feeling. i bumbled around in bed for a minute before i realized what i was feeling. i was cold. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO) it was very chilly and i still had the summer quilt on my bed, thinking it was like 3 am because it was so dark, i looked to the clock. 5:28. (NOOOOOOOO) not already. in a fit of disgust i dug out a sweat shirt and headed upstairs. the news said it was 52. to me it felt like 40, taking into consideration the elevation of my home, i may have been close.

summer isn't completely gone and i am mourning it already. i rmember the first morning i realized it was light at 5:30, the day it stayed light until close to 10 (again the elevation thing). the happy feeling i had when placing the down comforter in the chest and taking out the quilt. last night the boys had to hurry to take a quick dirtbike ride before dark, and it was only 8:15.

it is such a cruel trick....

Fall, so many things i look forward to, school starts, football begins. work goes well again. but it's all a clever disguise, designed specifically to lull me into winter. fool me with a few warm days, seduce me with a quiet, clean home, spoil me with a little cash. TRICKERY....frigid mornings, and endless days of constant snow are looming on the horizon and you will not get me this year.

me and gym

gym and i have been together for 3 months now. i know this for a fact...i just received my quarterly bill. i was very excited in the beginning. i mean gym got my heart racing, my blood flowing. gym made me sweat and use muscles i had forgotten i had. and gym could go a good hour...easy. it was a relationship i was more than ready for.

i am now starting to think gym is going to turn out like every other "guy" in my life. a whole lotta takin, and not so much giving. and gym has his hand out, oh he'll get paid. you better believe it. i am using gym like a junkie uses whatever it is they are "junkin" for. 3 or 4 times a week, and i long for it if it goes a couple days. but it's not so exciting now. i don't seem to be getting what i feel i should out of this union. have no fear i am one of those women who figures if i hang around long enough i'll fix it. i am no quitter.

i am just starting to think i will be assy for the rest of my life though. (yes that says assy it is not one of my many typos)

needless to say i am still seeing little progress in the weight loss quest, which is probably why i haven't said so much about it recently. but i do see improvements, in the beginning i was on oxygen after 15 minutes on the elliptical (sp?). now a days i can do 45 like nobody's bidness, with the resistance turned up...AND elevating the ramp. i am able to do more reps of all the machines i use, and my back feels better. i no longer pant walking up my driveway. and i am also noticing a decrease in my pms symptoms, which over the last couple years had gotten to the point of being unbearable.

i had been weighing myself every week, and first i gained some, then lost a little, gained a pound or 2 back...and so on. so i quit weighing myself, it discouraged me and i am enjoying the exercise, why turn it into a disappointment.

so today i thought about weighing myself, however talked myself out of it. becasue of aformentioned pms (i said it was better not gone). i knew what would happen, because i am retaining enough water to cause serious desalination in the Atlantic, i would probably be disappointed in the number. then because of my sensitivity today, i would throw the scale across the locker room in a fit of rage. then cry because i would be frustrated that the scale didn't go as far as i wanted. on the way home i would have purchased m&ms (plain), a 10 pound can of cashews, and cherry coke. eaten all of it before i got home, then felt bad for eating like a maniac. and then rationally tell myself i was only retaining 33 pounds of fluid.

i'll weigh myself next week.

spooky

i am the first person to admit that i am a little, wee bit susceptible to suggestions regarding the spiritual world. i am not weird, i don't run around talking to shadows, or seeing ghosts around every tree. but i beleive in happenings, that maybe none of us can explain. blame it on the X Files, or bad genes, or the water when i was growing up, but i do. my hub thinks i'm bonkers, but he always listens and smiles. you know that smile.

my youngest sons birth happened a mere 9 days before my grandmother died. i'll tell you the whole story one day. my gram was very special to me, and i know i had the youngest to help ease the pain of her death.

thankfully i was able to get home and see her when baby was just a few days old. she knew i was there, and she was able to meet my new baby. although she was barely conscious, i lay him down on her chest and let them meet. and i thank God every day i was given that opportunity. less than 48 hours later she passed away.

a year or so later, i was home again, and my sister and i drove by my grams old house. youngest was in his car seat, and as we drove up to look he got real excited. confirming my feeling that my gram gave a little bit part of herself to him when they met. everyone else told me i was crazy, he was just mirroring my sisters and my actions. we were looking hard, so he seemed excited. (haters)

so this past weekend, while i was home, we were looking at some old photos my mom had found. lots of them in houses and yards, on beaches and in parks. one picture my youngest asks "whose house was this?" one of the 100 or so he had looked at. i took the picture and almost fell over, "Why?" i asked him, he replied he was just wondering if he had ever been there. the picture was taken in my grams yard, looking to the yard from the house, if you were going to the garage. a view my gram probably took in 4 times a day, every day, over the 20 some odd years she lived in that house.

i told him it was my grams house, and he said oh the one who died when i was a baby? and i said yes. he said nothing more...but now i know for sure.

some gave all

Sgt Dominic Sacco

"Dom" or "Nick", "Nicky" if you knew him as long as I did. He was just like one of my own little brothers. Irritating, threatening and the butt of many jokes. He is my very best friend for life's younger brother. He spent so many years trying to figure out what he should do in his life, finally he had found a solution for a little bit. He joined the Army and we all chuckled a bit when we found out what capacity he was serving in, he was in tanks, blowing stuff up. His 8 year old self would have been soo proud! He served his country proudly. He really enjoyed what he did. His memorial pages are full of stories from fellow soldiers whose lives he touched.

As a younger boy he did all those things boys do, played baseball and basket ball. Played video games, rode bikes, and would on occasion, play nice with us, until he got mad. And he loved the Mets. He had a passing phase in which he thought Michael Jackson was sooo cool. But we won't talk about that out of respect.

All of a sudden, one day, he was a man. Helping my sister and I move, giving advice on men, all those things brothers do. I have 2 sisters and think of his sister as my 3rd, i have 2 younger brothers and think of him as the 3rd. That is how great they are.

He was unable to attend his sisters wedding because he was out of the country on a tour. His dad joked that he would be safe because he was in tanks. Ironiclly, he was shot by a sniper while closing the hatch, on Nov 20, 2005. Nick left behind a wife, a step daughter and a son who was not yet 6 months old, his mom and dad, his sister, and an extended group of family and friends who were fortunate enough to have had him in our lives. He was 6 days shy of his 33rd birthday.

I mourned for Nick, it seemed unreal. I mourned for his mom, I can't imagine her pain. I mourned for his son, who will only have stories of his dad in his life. Tears are forming now, but I smile when I think of how to close this tribute. I smile when I think, at least he died doing what he wanted...and I smile because you can't think of Nick without smiling.


www.some-gave-all.com

good days

yeah...what a past couple days. scroll back to friday, my sisters and myself were debating when our nephew would finally arrive. my youngest sister was convinced that it would be over the weekend, because she was going to be away. other sister figured it would probably be monday. i figured because any day during the weekend would just be perfect timing for me, that it would most likely happen any time but the weekend.

fast forward to Sunday. i was startled awake at 4:30 in the morning, sure I had heard the phone ring , i grabbed for it to check the caller id...nothing. so i was convinced my instincts had awakened me and eagerly waited for the phone to ring. unfortunately, my instincts were dead wrong...again. so i spent all day sunday finally catching up with paper work and went to bed (ok after watching Cheerleader Nation, but really that is just disturbing)

Monday morning up bright and early and at 7:30 the phone rings, i saunter nonchalantly over and look...i figured it was hub with something he had forgotten to tell me as he was leaving. WRONG!!!!! yeah it's my brother and they have been at the hospital since about 4 am. YEA...YEA YEA, finally. so i start to walk in circles trying to figure out what to do. do i cancel the afternoons dentist? do i try to find the oldest who stayed over a friends the night before? do i wait and see what happens? do i just wait and go this weekend? do i just say *&** it and load whoever i can find in the car and leave? all this while taking it upon myself to call the rest of the family for my brother. because, hey i am the oldest...thats my job.

anyway i remebered the oldest had football physicals on Tues morning, so i knew he wouldn't be coming. got a shower cancelled the dentist, had the younger 2 pack a change of clothes and got in the car. by 8:30 i am on the road, gassing up and grabbing the kids some breakfast. (not too shabby if i might say) trying desperately to reach my brother before i get too far, just in case it turns out to be a false alarm...as i am finishing at Sheetz, i reach him...no going back they're breaking her water. on my trek i go. completely abandonning my oldest...but hey i was almost on my own at his age...he'll survive.

now it's a 6 hour drive up there, and i am rushing. never having had an exceptionally long labor personally, i figured i might miss it, but hopefully not by much. let's just say she gets the labor from her side of the family. dropped the kids at my dads , picked up my mom and made it to the hospital by 4 pm. and proceeded to wait ...

and wait...


and wait...

and wait just a little longer...

FINALLY around 9:45 her mom came out and said we had a baby. then my brother came out and it was all i could do not to bawl. he says "it's so cool to look at him and see him face to face" awwwwww. so here he is....

yes he is the most perfect baby born since my youngest...and he has a full head of blonde hair. he is just too adorable. i cannot wait to get back up there and hold him and smother him with kisses.

now Tues was our wedding anniversary...and the younger 2 boys have football at 6 pm. so we stop to see the baby and mom one more time and head home. the whole way down hub keeps calling to see where i am, and ask do i want to go to dinner. i honestly would rather have been dipped in sugar and put in a pit of ants than to get back in the car after i get home and go to dinner, but i am a good wife so i say sure. only there's a catch....here's what i came home to

awww...so i am super glad i didn't yell " i am going to be in the car for 6 hours at least and you want me to get back in the car and go to dinner??!!??" at him when he called to see if i wanted to go out. a room full of roses, candles and DINNER!! he can still surprise me.

and my boys went to practice and heres what else i got....

it has been a nice couple of days....

sometimes i just forget

i am self professed (or admitted i guess) obesessed with Hawaii, who couldn't be, when you've seen the parts i have. sometimes around noon, if i am able, i look to the web cams out there to watch the sunrise. this morning i was in the office (yes working when i can't sleep on a Sun morning) and glanced out the window....it's kinda pretty here too sometimes.
i hate the wires in the pic, but i can't cut em down...

shameless bribe to my nephew

your mom and dad are more than ready, your aunts, uncles and cousins are very ready. and look what awaits you, upon arrival......
now PLEASE come try it on...

cocktail before lunch?

perhaps a better title would be....i need to go buy some cat food? little does the cat know, the bird will kick her ass!!! don't you love the pink walls? what was i thinking

time for a swim

why did i not buy a pool this year? what was i thinking? the kids have begged for years to get a pool.. and hub and i had kind of tossed the idea around a bit. the thing is usually summer here is very manageable. high 70's, cool nights. and actually it rains quite a bit. so we use the town pool on hot days and deal with it. next year i am getting a pool. i don't care if i only use it 6 days a year, i am not even taking the chance on this kind of hell again.

used to be a day when the mecury would rise and i would need no further excuse, hey the kids were hot. off to the pool. pack a bag, head to the pool, and claim my spot near the baby pool. where i would sit and chat and enjoy my afternoon. then something changed, my youngest got too old for the baby pool. so i would still go and sit and chat with everyone sitting at the baby pool while keeping an eye through the fence on the youngest. then last summer it happened. i was no longer needed at the pool. my neice would go and watch the youngest and all was well, but i could still go if she was busy.

this year even she doesn't need to be there, much less me. i hate it. i drop the kids off at noon and every day say i will come down for an hour before it's time to leave. but it never happens, something is waiting to be done, or phone calls to make. mom never seems to get there. i'm really bummed.

the year i was pregnant for the youngest i had tan lines that lasted until January. the only way i'm even coming close to that again is to put it in my yard. i will be a waterlogged momma next year.

time

I received the kids school schedules for the upcoming year last week. i know it is near, and while i may have complained (loudly) about being ready for school start, here is the truth. i'm not. not really. yes i'm ready to have some structure back to the day, and i'm ready to regain control (yeah like i ever really had any) over my home. but i am not ready for this school year.

my oldest will be a junior. a junior...A JUNIOR in high school. now i know once football camp starts...BAM!!! next thing i know it's Christmas...and double BAM...it's May. my time with him is growing short and i'm not anywhwere near ready. not that i'm wishing time away...hardly. i was just talking to a mom who has a son leaving for college this week, and she said how busy this past year had been. she had really wanted to savor and enjoy his senior year and it was impossible..there wasn't enough time.

now anyone who knows me in real life will tell you, i live in like some kind of time vacuum. i say things like "wasn't that a month ago?" about things that happened in march. time just flies. and i can't control it. my son is becoming a man in front of my eyes, they all are. how can this be? where have 17 years gone?!!? it is unthinkable. and honestly...i'd trade and go through it all over again, just to have that little boy, with his green hat and his love affair with Barney, back . even for just one day.

guess what?

1) it's raining, forcing myself and FOUR children to exist happily in the house and

2) i have a s**t load of work to get done, so being the procrastinator that i am, here i sit

you know i remember today how great fridays were back in the day. i have been babysitting my neighbors son this week while his normal sitter is on vaca. and even though he is a good kid, and really all i had to do was break up a couple more fights and make a little extra breakfast and lunch, it's no different for me, i am glad today is the last day. i guess i am really used to the way i do things. just the little things, like getting started a litle earlier in the morning so i could be home from the gym in time, or waiting to run a few errands until after he left. you know the ones i don't want to bring kids on? little stupid stuff, man i reallly am spoiled. but i guess i put my time in...i wonder how i ever got anything done when the kids were younger.

i have given up on my house, it's official. i quit until school. and you know what i am going to do the first day of school? sit and look at the squalor and wonder why i thought that would be a good idea. my friend was telling me she hired a cleaning lady and how much she loves it. and i realized i would be too embarassed to have someone in to clean my house. it's all about the crap. if i could just take and completely get everything done i would feel so much better. but stepping away from the computer would be the first step....

and here i sit. :)

my youngest said to me this morning..."mom?" yes i answered..."when did i start calling you mom, and stop calling you mommy?" my heart almost broke, i realized it had happened, at some point this summer he stopped demanding good night kisses and stopped calling me mommy. my baby is growing up.

ok so my plan is, today is shot...tommorrow...WORK. i have to get this stuff done, baby watch is on high these days. SIL is due on the 5th, and i will need lots of time to go visit. i really wish i lived closer. ok well i am going to break up my last fight ..send prayers and happy thoughts as we wait for baby.

can you feel it?

there is a buzz in the air. a spring in my step. a song in my heart:

Hail to the Rdeskins
Hail Victory
Braves on the warpath
Fight for ol DC

wooweeee football season is getting so close. i can feel my blood pumping and my heart racing. i can already feel my foot heavy on the accelerator, as i race home from one of the boys very poorly timed Sunday games to catch the 'Skins. actually to catch any good game (ie: Giants lose). last night NFL network had reviews of all the teams last season, and i "just happened" to catch em. i cannot wait. i am so stoked for it to begin again ...it hurts.

besides with a good chunk of the bloggers i read at BlogHer...i got nothing else to think about.

warm cheese

it has been a very interesting week, to say the least. over the weekend my fridge died. just the the fridge. the freezer part works fine. looking back on it i guess it had been going for a while. i kept noticing things weren't as cold as they should be, but i was thinking it was just the scorching heat. then i turned the freezer temp down a bit, thinking maybe i was asking too much for max cold from each. then on Sat i was making a wrap and the cheese was definitely NOT cold, nor was anything else. so i had the boys move everything down to the fridge we have in the garage and complained to hub.

now i am thankful that i had the fridge in the garage, don't get me wrong. but after running up and down stairs for a day, every time i needed something, was a little tiresome. 36 hours into the no fridge disaster of '06, my dear darling hub" remebers" he has a mini fridge in his car trailer. translation: he didn't want me to know he had spent even more money on this ridiculous car hobby of his so that he wouldn't have to walk his sorry butt to concession for a cold beverage, but it beats hearing me bitch about running up and down stairs all day.

in came the mini fridge. which was a blessing, big enough for drinks, and butter and fruit. then came the fridge guy, who told me for $250 he could have my fridge working like new. $250??!! two fiddy. for $350 i could go buy the same piece of crap i already own, brandy new.

so what did i decide? the only reasonable answer....i bought the one i want... the one with two top doors that open out and freezer on bottom. (posting a pic or link today is not possible i see) hopefully there will be no construction, err demolition i guess i should say, in order to fit it into my tiny fridge spot in my tiny kitchen. but if it's too big, at least it will match the tv.

summer part 2

ok, now i know i just posted last week or so how nice i find summer to be. and i know in may i said i was ready for summer to begin. there are alot of things about summer and the kids being out of school i really enjoy. my sister and hub both reminded me of similar conversations i had separately with each of them back in may. something along the lines of me saying, "man i am ready for summer, i actually am looking forward to the kids being out of school". after i stated this they each said something like "uhhuh, and should i remind you of this in july when you are saying you can't wait for school to start".

there are alot of things about motherhood that we are forced to forget quickly, it is kind of like a survival mechanism. you know how babies can't remeber being born because it is so traumatic. same idea, we forget the heartburn and morning sickness. we quickly shut out the excruciating pain of labor. we recall newborn days as bliss, when in reality we were exhausted, sore and would most likely, if given the option, sell our soul to the devil for just 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. we forget these things, so that life can proceed. and then there is summer vacation.

i am beginning to feel like i live in a dorm. no matter how much time and energy i put into my house before i go to bed, by 7 am it looks like we hosted a 48 hour kegger. how can so much damage be done in the few hours between my bed time and when they finally go to sleep? the mess is beginning to overpower and i am starting to weaken. by the time the oldest starts 3 a days (YES!!!!! gone all day!) my house will look like those apartments in the student ghetto on may 15th.

this morning i woke up to a half gallon ice cream container, not quite empty, 3 spoons and 189845765234 ants on my kitchen counter, 10 coke cans empty laying scattered around the living room, empty chip and pretzel bags, and it seems someone ordered pizza. ok, i didn't know we could get pizza delivered after 11pm, i guess when your frined is driving that night you can. oh and he'll run to mc d's with you, so there was some mc d garbage scattered. also we have the 354 dvd's left out and an equal number of video games, and the x box and playstation. did you know you could hook both up and play with picture in picture? you can. and then there is the laundry, my sons will never be called modest. they will drop their pants anywhere. and socks?!!?? the oldest yells he has no socks, then i look under the couch...no amount of pleading/screaming can get them to clean up, i surrender.

then there is the thrill of constant companionship, there is someone around me every blessed second. these people are up half the night trashing my house and ready to go by 8 am. yes the same people that can't make it when school is in session on 12 hours of sleep a night, need less than 3 it seems, in the summer. there they are, can you make breakfast? yeah as soon as i scrape the pizza crust from the ceiling. i pulled the cushions from the couch this morning to fluff them a bit. big mistake, someone flipped them in the last couple of days, seems there must have been something brown spilled. and i found that pack of big league chew middle guy claimed youngest stole.

remind me of this next may...and send me a list of all summer sleep away camps...PLEASE!!!!

another milestone

it seems my life has been coming back to the same thing over and over again lately. grocery shopping and food. i made some life altering changes last week, it was hard and it took a long time in coming, but i am quitting WalMart. No, i don't work there, i am quitting it as my main source of shopping. our time together was sweet, and i will continue to visit, but i have no idea why i was so faithful to this point.

then i read a post from Jenny at www.Threekidcircus.com (i tried to link to the post but alas my stupidity is on high today). part of her post deals with the aggrivation of shopping with children. (but it goes way deeper and it is a great post) i read the post laughing, as usual, and then i read the comments. and some were saying how they felt bad for snapping at their kids while shopping...but you know what? shopping with your kids does suck, it really does. and i can say that freely, because i have not had to do it for like 3 years now. and i LOVE it, i love to see some woman struggling with a toddler throwing a tantrum, or a baby who is screaming because even though he ate right before they left he is hungry AGAIN. how can i be so cruel? these were the same women who looked at me like i was the worst mother in the world 10 years ago. they looked down their perfectly put together faces and tsked at my cruelty and unwashed hair. HAH! now i am the one casually strolling the aisles, showered and dressed in fresh clothes, running in for just a couple things...why? because i can.

so anyway, this is why i decided to quit walmart. when my kids were small it was really the only sensible option. the other stores around here are very small, and don't carry a huge selection but i don't need one stop everything can get done shopping anymore. i can visit several stores, should i choose. there is noone to fight with to get into a car seat, no one begging for candy at every check out, no thrashing to be released from the cart, and no one who needs to own every piece of crap they see, and will not rest until it is in the cart (provided hub stays home). i went to the smaller store and it was quiet and peaceful. ahhhh. now i see how the other half lives. and i'm crashing the party.

lunch

because we had, what else, a baseball game time of 4:30 today, i decided to make dinner for lunch . that way i wouldn't feel like the kids were only eating crap all day. so i cooked a big hot lunch, fried chicken, mac and cheese and fresh green beans (yum). seems like kind of a good idea, right? not if you are one of my kids.

ok actually middle guy loved it, but it was his favorite foods. oldest couldn't possibly be expected to eat that much food in the middle of the afternoon. this from someone i watched eat 12 chili cheese dogs one day between lunch and dinner. then there was my youngest. first of all his face when i told him what we were having was just too much. i need video on that kid 24/7, his facial expressions are enough to keep us all entertained forever. you would have thought i announced we were having garbage, with a side of cat instead of the usual pb &j.

then it started...."i only like my chicken off the bone"...i know i'll cut it up for you

"ok but don't get any of that brown stuff (the skin) on it, you know i hate that"

"can i just have a pear?"

"is it the macaroni and cheese i like? you know the straight ones"

"you know i only like the straight ones"

"GREEN BEANS??!!! i hate green beans"

"what if have a pear with my chicken"

"what if the macaroni was the straight ones and green, then could you tell if i ate my green beans?"

as the meal is winding down, and of course the youngest is the only one with food on his plate...

"i need to go to the bathroom" no "but it's BAD" i am sure you can finish first

"ok but do i have to eat my green beans?" yes eat a couple

"ok but i am choosing 2 as a couple"

"can i take the bean part out and eat it?"

"ok i am just gonna eat 2 at once, cause then i'll have to taste it less"

Amen....lunch is done...protein and vitamins dished up...mom 1 kids 0. but who calls in the middle of the base ball game? mr. "i can't be expected to eat so much", "mom? can you stop and get me something to eat on the way home?"

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

bats in the belfry

ewww there was a bat in the house last night. thank God i wasn't home when it actually entered, but i got to witness the departure. yuck, i am hardly a girly girl, i chase any number of critters out of my house each summer. it happens, i live in the country and i have cats. they love to bring still alive gifts home, and some not still alive.

but bats and snakes, uh uh..no way. when i was young i had a bat fly right into my face, then get stuck in my hair...imagine why i don't care to even see the things. apparantly my oldest and hub also have a "thing" about bats because the scene i entered upon will never be considered manly.

now noone is exactly sure how said bat entered, i would wager on it entering through the front door. based on the fact that NO ONE EVER SHUTS A DOOR around here. ever. it drives me "batty" (hehe). so i was visiting my friends new house, get into the car to go and find 7 missed calls on my cell phone.. all from oldest cell phone. i call him, whats wrong?

"there's a bat in the house"

"where"

"on the fireplace"

"did you tell your dad?"

"no"

"why not?"

"he's downstairs and i don't want to walk by the bat...can you call him?"

"OH MY GOD. walk down the stairs and get your dad. i'll be home in 15 minutes"
(of course he could have just called the house on his cell phone..but that would have made sense)

upon my return i find the oldest standing in front of the fireplace with his paintball gun, and my hub standing next to him with a big beach towel. and every door and window wide open. the original plan was to attempt to shoo it out, but from what i gathered neither of them wanted to be the shooer. when they realized the bat wasn't going to find his way back out, they decided to do something more agressive. i guess the thought was the paintball would stun the bat and the towel would cover it when it fell dazed to the ground. i guess it worked, i was hiding in my car . i heard the pintball gun shoot and yelled in the window. but alll i heard was them fighting over who was picking it up and putting it outside. first we thought it was dead, but it flew away after a few minutes. so if you see an orange bat...you know where he came from.

summer

it's evening, after a long hot July day. dinner is done, dishes are finished and the house is hot. i am sitting on the deck, in the shade reading. there is nowhere else to be, no homework or practice, no bed time. the kids are playing, anything. football, baseball, fixing bikes and dirtbikes. running back and forth between our house and the neighbors, and jumping in the neighbors pool when they get hot. it's too hot to be inside. and somehow for these couple of hours they manage to get along.

another hour and the house will cool down. the kids are going fishing, i watch them walk away...3 sets of legs hanging out of shorts or swimming trunks they have had on all day. long tan backs, 3 heads with dark hair that is a little lighter than it was a month ago. i watch them head to the pond, the youngest taking a couple of running steps every once in a while to keep up. they are my boys, and i am in awe that this is the case. i start to wonder for a minute if this might be the last summer for times like this. will the oldest be too busy next year? probably. i push the thought away, and enjoy tonight.

i read my book and listen to them talking, yelling and playing. the sky gets a little darker and the air is considerably cooler. soon the light will be gone and i won't be able to read. the kids return and head inside. i watch the lightning bugs start and watch for the first stars. and listen to my boys.

when i first became a mom, i thought i would remember everything. but the big things sometimes overshadow the little. and they are forgotten. i hope none of us ever forgets how wonderful nights like this are. this is summer to me. this is what my thoughts return to in feb, when it seems like it will never be warm again. and i hope my boys will have nights like this with their sons.

hot

it's HOT, and I don't need to tell anyone that, because it seems most of the country is also HOT. so where did I spend my weekend? if you guessed (1) lounging under the trees in my yard, quietly reading a book, while sipping cold beverages, or(2) relaxing by the pool while the kids played, you would be so far off it wouldn't even be funny. one word...2 syllables

B A S E B A L L

uh huh. there are at least a dozen things i could think of that i would rather have done this weekend, but in all honesty, what were the chances the bowels of hell would really open up and rescue me? i wasn't getting that lucky. the poor kids, it was only like 105 on the field. good thing they are young.

but hey take a look here then imagine yourself with a frosty blender drink, lounging in and by the pool, listening to the water...mmmm paradise!!! now i just need to find a donor. anyone know a billionare with a thing for married, pudgy, middle aged women?

email, horoscopes and a pot of gold

what a busy lil chicky i have been the last couple of days. i am beginning to wonder if you can have sympathy nesting urges. as my SIL to be is growing nearer to her due date, my desire to clean every freakin square inch of my house is astounding. she said she has been cleaning alot herself, so i think she's sending me some vibes. so long as i don't have sympathy contractions, we'll be ok. but if i wake up with pain and they call to say she's in labor..i'm cutting the ties.

anyway, back to the point of me rambling off like that. yesterday i recruited the kids to help clean out the big chest freezer in the garage. and after the required number of oh my god that is HOW old, and eewww thats what ice cream can look like, i reached the bottom. and lo and behold, i hit the mother load. i thought i was completely out and found a whole 5 pound bag of Kona coffee. mmmmmmmmmmmm. it is truly like my heroin. now i know i could buy the stuff, but i only love my friends coffee, and he doesn't sell retail. and really, when i try another farm's coffee, it just doesn't hit the spot, and is not worth the 25 bucks a pound they charge for it. so i am singing the sweet sweet song of a satisfied coffee drinker today. can you hear it?

i think my horoscope is lying to me, every day it says the same damn thing...your emotions will be high today, keep them in check for when the time is better. but the time is never better. EVER. shouldn't it at some point say :
Me,
today is the day to let that bastard have it. tell everyone how you feel, and bring illustrations. then go shopping and buy every cute bag and pair of shoes you can find...spending should be reckless today.

good thing i found that coffee.

and finally i think i am quitting my email...what mailing list is out there that links me to wanting to meet "big women of color" or "hot latinos in my area'? and then there are my favorites the ones that torment me by teasing "HAWAII = Paradise"....or "Hawaii beckons". ok duh i am aware of what hawaii does to me, and am disgusted enough that i am sitting in hickville, PA. where there is NO crystal blue green water to look at around every corner, or incredible mountains to watch the sun come up behind. i do not need reminders 15 times a DAY from you Mr Email. (i assume it's a man, beause it annoys me so much).

good thing i have this

just a random mommy thing

of course as i sit here jotting this down my happiness fades listening to the older 2 fighting over something that in all honesty, i could give a hoot anymore.

anyway just a bit ago i was heading out of wal mart (i know you are all jealoussss) and because we actually only had 2 meals today, youngest says he is hungry. so i pull into BK to get him some chicken and fries. he is a little too big for kids meals and he didn't need soda at 9 pm, so i ordered him chicken tenders and a large fry. when i get the bag he says, "can i have one fry?", so i said here take the whole thing. he looks at it and says "you got me a large fry?" yes i answered...."Yes!!!! Now I'm a man!!!" he exclaims.

he is the only one i honestly do not want to get so much as one day older.

i weighed myself this morning...

so if you were smart you would right now head for the hills, run..don't walk to a light hearted-upbeat-chock full of useful information blog. cause today this aint it.

what the HELL? i mean cmon. i know i was on vacation, but i walked EVERY stinkin day. we were on the 12th floor...i took the stairs at least once a day. i ate fresh sea food and salads (ok and some pizza and fried dough), i expected i would have gained maybe a pound or 2, i am not in complete denial..but FIVE???!!! who do i need to sacrifice in order to shed some weight? (crossing fingers it's the oldest)

i am into this go to the gym routine for 5 weeks now, i am sloshing around like a fish tank from all the water i drink. and now i am 3 pounds over my start weight. i am bitter. the desire to just stop injesting food is sooo great right now, i can feel it calling. but i promised myself i would not do that again. doing that is what made me the heffer i am today. but at some point my metabolism has got to become an active member of society again...right? hmmph

and if that were not enough.....i get home and the younger 2 are awake. youngest was allowed to sleep on the couch last night (part of that whole dictator thing). so what does he do? he pees. of course he did, what else did i have to do today, but pull my couch apart and wash it. see this is why i am not nice to other people. i have to take my anger out on someone. because all i wanted to do was yell.."what the hell is wrong with you? WHY did you pee on the couch. you are wearing a Good nite until you are 25 and thats the end of it"

of course being completely crazy, now the image of him wearing a good nite at 25 is cracking me up. God help my children to see the wonders of outdoors today, they need to stay outta my way.

which come first....

from TMZ:

Suri Cruise's Silent Birth Leads to Quiet LifeJust where exactly is Suri Cruise? No one knows for sure, though TMZ has proof at least that someone filed a birth certificate for someone by that name. However, a cult specialist tells MSNBC's Jeanette Walls that Suri's strange absence from public view may have something to do with what Scientologists called "removing engrams" though a process called "auditing." Rick Ross of Cultnews.com says that engrams are "negative experiences coupled with noise," and that shielding the baby from the paparazzi would reduce the onset of such engrams.Ross adds that Cruise, according to reports from his promotional tour for "Mission: Impossible III," is getting increasingly wrapped up in the Scientology dogma, and that he would have locks checked and take longer routes to places while on tour to prevent, presumably, the creation of engrams.


which makes me wonder...do you have to be crazy to want to be famous...or does fame make you crazy?

??????

has anyone ever died because they had to bring in grocery bags? and what is the record number of times a 16 yr old can sigh and say "Gawwdd, you are so gay" in one afternoon?

little ruler

i may have created a tyrant, i'm not sure, maybe just a dictator. but i've made a HUGE mistake. as punishment for the whole" leave the youngest alone in the condo" debacle that closed out vacation, i issued forth the following rule:

"because i am so sick and tired of all of you (the older 3) always complaining about and acting like -----(youngest) is such a pain, he will decide if you have been nice enough to him to be let off punishment in a week"

oops...who knew the penchant the kid would have for control? i am shocked such conniving can be had by a not yet 8 yr old.

7 to 12: get my bath ready

12 to 7: get your own bath, what you too busy

7 to 12: i am busy playing Simpsons Hit and Run, do you want me to tell mom you are not nice to me?


7 to 16: get me some cereal

16 to 7: get your own cereal

7 to 16 : mom will not like this, i don't think you are being very nice

16 to me: (look of death)

me to 16: should have just brought him to the bball court with you

16 to me: i hate this house (again with the drama)

and so the saga continues, while i am forced to wonder how far i should let this play out, i am kind of enjoying watching the 2 of them struggle. i reminded him that he should still be nice to his brothers, but he reminded me that they were not very nice to him. not surprisingly neice has been avoiding our house like we have bad hair or something. and suddenly has renewed interest in her own home like nothing i have ever seen before. i think i'll end it when he makes them curtsy before him, that would be pushing it.

bungy

my middle guy and neice on this thing on vaca...the girlie scream, i am told was not my son. :)

get back to work

being self employed is wonderful, it allows me the opportunity to be home for my kids, and to take vacation whenever i want. ok so as long as it isn't in mar, april or may..and sometimes sept. however upon return home there is always way more work than i feel like doing.
like the mail i received


and the work that was left undone







the fax machine empty and awaiting my return to spew forth even more good news






and my dear friend the phone, i know you can't see it but that little red light is blinking fervently to notify me that my machine is full...oh happy day

and if all these good times are not enough, there is the mom side of returning...my car

chock full of sandy wet clothes and towels!!!!!

if you see my blogging this week...tell me to get back to work!

ok it wasn't sooo bad

i am prone to exaggeration at times, i admit it. so my earlier post on vacation was a little harsh. we did have a lovely time for the most part, barring a few bumps in the road. i forgot my camera and borrowed my sisters, who wisely bailed out on Monday morning, i might add. but left her cam for me to use, so i didn't take alot of pics, but i took some.
yes the youngest is driving the boat...and look at his little face...how cute, neice said not to put her on the internet, so i left her out. of course this was the day she was pissy, so i'm sure she will be begging for them soon to add to her my space. so thats my crew, all four of my guys...i am a proud mama.

yeah i'm home!!!!!

i want to know what freakin cosmic fairy dust i was snorting when i had the brainstorm that spending a week in a condo no larger than my living room, with all 3 kids, my neice and my hub was a prime example of family bonding. not only do i want to know what it was, i want to know where i can get some more, i think i would rather like to live in the world of delusion...full time.

arggg...in all fairness we had a good time, but our original plan was to spend a few nights (NOT 7) at the beach with the kids..kind of for old times sake. which to alot of you seems insane to say, but in all honesty, this may be one of the last summers our oldest will be around and willing to just up and leave for a week. sooo we figured we would go do something close that we had done alot when he was younger. in looking for hotels i (in my infinite wisdom) decided a condo would be cheaper and easier. and it was. but you have to book them for a week. thats where they get ya.

you know how usually when the last day of vacation rolls around you feel like you just got there, and don't want to go? that so did not happen. it felt like we had been there an eternity. i was ready to leave on weds, i really was. these people are going to drive me insane. the oldest and hub have such a similar personality it's freaky. and the traits that hub complains about in the kids (ie: no attention span at all) they get from him. so oldest and hub had a clash, hub and i had an argument, kids (except the youngest) whined every 45 seconds they were bored. neice asked incessantly "when are we gonna go shopping?" the one day all the boys were happy, neice had bitch mode on and was instantly too good for everything.

and the piece de resistance...last night we are getting ready to leave. and hub and i wanted to go out for a dinner alone, so we got everything packed, went to the beach one last time, got everyone ready to go and told the kids to be ready to go when we got back, gave them $$$ for some dinner and left. ok they are 16, 1 month from 16, 12 and 8. there are numerous places for them to walk to w/in 4 blocks to eat. should not have been a problem right? you would think.

we tried a couple places and of course, on a Fri the waits were insane, so we decided to just go back and head home. we get to the condo and there sits the 8 year old in the living room watching tv. NO ONE ELSE IS THERE!!!!!!!! they all went out together, the oldest to play bb at the condo courts, and neice and 12 yr old to walk up the road to get some food. they all got into the elevator together and left the youngest there alone....what the hell is wrong with these kids???!!!!! i was never so speechless AND mad at the same time. it was hard...i just wanted to wring their necks.

and with that we left the beach..older, wiser and ready to kill 3 of the 4 kids we took there. ok so i'm whining..big deal, you try it once.... i dare you.