ok maria...move on already

i know, i know...today is sept 12, and it's time to move on. believe me i have other things i was debating writing about. like it's a good thing the giants and cowboys also lost this weekend, or how proud i am of my oldest right now. but in rereading my sept 11 post, i realized there is more i need to say.

i am angry

yes, i went to bed that horrible night and thanked God that myself, and everyone i loved were safe and sound. i was thankful for the fact that i had lived to the ripe old age of 31, before i knew that kind of fear or terror. there are children in the world who have this in their lives every day. i was proud to be an American, and i wouldn't let a terrorist take that away. EVER...but my eyes were opened

even someone as jaded and hard hearted as myself, had become all warm and cozy. maybe that scared me more than anything. while i am not going to be a member of some "society", where all things government are evil. i am no longer all smiles and sunshine.

in the months that followed, as more and more information came out, and it was inarguably proven that 9/11 should never had been allowed to happen, my discontent grew. and i feel that way to this day. while i am very lucky to be an american with all the priveleges we are afforded, i am also very wary. and very angry.

my sept 11 story began on memeorial day of 2001 and most likely came to a close the following june. we were all hearing about advanced security, things like this would never be allowed to happen again. our government was doing everything to save us from the evils of the world. but were they?

in june of 02 i took the kids to Disney world. departing from orlando intl airport i stood in line with 3 sunburned children. dressed in disney apparel, laden with mounds of disney crap. even had a disney suitcase that i had been forced to purchase to lug some of it home. i watched warily as several single men checked in for my flight, some with nothing more than a small checked bag, or carry on breif case. it was something we all did in the first year or so after. i also looked over to the side where the "security" was supposedly watching for individuals they felt needed extra screening. who was chosen for the screening? you got it....me.

this was not the random "you're ticket was selected" screening, this was an actual security officer trying to determine who looked most at risk. this was a joke. the more i thought about it the angrier i got. they were not trying to find terrorists, they were just trying to make it look like they were.

i will never forget the victims of sept 11, i will never forget the fear. and i will never let go of that discontent.

(and i promise to move forward :) )