look out Seattle

you're going down

stinky boys and football

ARRGGGHHHH New Year, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. New Year = a hella lotta work. I have been avoiding it since we got home from vaca, but the time has come. Nothing like the added pressure of KNOWING it has to done on time this year, if there is any hope of us receiving some financial aid and keeping me from selling a kidney before the oldest completes his secondary education.

Only that kid could pick a major that somehow makes his tuition double what the average undecided kid will pay. He is his father's son.

However, on a lighter note, this was overheard this morning after I noticed the youngest has been in the same pj's since Christmas morning, and insisted he bathe.

"Oh my God...I DO smell, quick smell me mom"

I am so proud right now I could bust.

****************************************

Oh yeah and GO SKINS.....with a win against the effn Cowboys we are playoff bound BABY!!!!! wooo

Californication

we have been Californiaized, it was fun, I am tired. Originally our plan for this years vacation was the sunny warm beaches of Mexico, unfortunately our neice does not have a passport, nor are we able to obtain one for her. There is some silly rule about PARENTS having to do that. Something about taking minors out of the country without parental consent nonsense, jeez. She will be 18 next August, and we contemplated attempting to work with her mother in an effort to get her a passport, but decided it probably would just be quicker to wait until she can just get her own, because any of my in laws are crazy that way.

So we decided to do something that would not involve a) leaving the neice home by herself while the rest of us frolicked on some foreign beach, or b) being forced to leave her in some strange country, because while she is free to go anywhere it seems the issue would be actually getting her back in. We picked the closest thing to Mexico we could find...California.

It was great, we actually left a day and a half earlier than expected because nasty weather was due on our original departure date. Of course when i tried to change our tickets I was told to try back later, no weather emergency had been declared and the cost would be almost $300 per ticket to switch them at that time. My husband calls and 5 minutes later has us leaving at 8 the next morning with no additional cost....it's times like that I remember how he conned me into spending the rest of my life with him.

So we arrived in San Francisco and ended up 8 days later in San Diego. And we saw it all in between. It was great, we even ventured into Tijuana for an afternoon. My children were awestruck, to say the least. The oldest wants to "have his birthday party there", and the 14 year old was offered a shot of Tequila at lunch. You can't put a price on memories like that.

BIG PROPS to Southwest, we flew out on Dec 23rd, and I never saw an airline run so smoothly amid so much chaos. So after my disaster last year , I was a happy camper.

While it was a great vacation, it was not relaxing, 8 days 5 different hotels, 3 cities, a couple amusement parks, more National Parks than I can remember, well worth it, but it's one of those vacations that have me dreaming of a vacation. Next year I am going to the beach and not moving for a week.

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I have many a tale of Christmas woe. Who with children doesen't?

There was the year my sister and I were kicking and cursing at a Little Tykes pick up truck at 4 am. That was also the year of "WAY TOO MANY gifts". I was storing them in a house we had rented, but had none living in, it snowed and I had to keep driving back and forth at all hours of the night. In my pre Christmas delusion I was sure "there weren't that many gifts". I was WRONG

Then there was the year when I thought I was GOOD, I had one week left. And youngest was in pre school 4 days a week. My plan was to wrap all that week to avoid my usual Christmas Eve wrap fest. Who knew everyone in the house, including moi, would be stricken by a flu that would almost kill us. Needless to say the wrapping? Again my poor sister and I sat up all night.

Then my favorite? Because of cats and children, and the fact that I grow trees, so I am always the absolute last person on earth to put up a tree. I planned on putting up the tree and wrapping the weekend prior. Then a ton of snow fell in NY and the husband and I ditched everything for a weekend of snow mobiling. And I hurt my back...BAD. My poor sister arrives and has to assume my role, becuase I am useless. There is a picture of her somewhere hacking at the top of a too tall tree with a steak knife. With sap running down her arm.

It's no wonder she never wants to come to my house anymore, and gets twitchy when A Christmas Story is on. Because I insist we watch all 24 hours of it, it was usually on during our Christmas Eves from Hell.

Adios I say to those ghosts of Christmas past. NEVER again. We are once again, taking the week before Christmas and running away. The whole lot of us. When I told someone our plans she looked at me incredulous and asked how I could possibly do that? How was I ready for Christmas an entire week before? "Easy", I replied. I'm already done.

The few gifts are bought and wrapped, the tree is up, and as long as I remember to take the turkey out of the freezer, dinner is ready to be prepared upon my return. It took the kids until this year to accept the fact that the ridiculous amounts of gifts from Christmas' past were done. But really they would rather miss an extra week of school and go somewhere exciting than get a bunch of clothes anyway.

And this week I was in the mall picking up some flip flops for the middle child, and I almost got sucked into the "just one more thing" habit from my past. But I walked away. Because really, I don't miss it one bit. This is more fun.

who's the fat chick in the little dress?

when I ordered the dress for my sister's wedding I knew from the one I tried on at the store, that a certain size would fit. It would fit just fine. However I, in my twisted crooked, warped little mind thought if the one size fit, with a bit of breathing room, why then by ordering the size down I would have, something to work toward....

Let's call it incentive.

You know to lose that 25 pounds I've gained over the last 7 years.

mmmhmm...as I sit here googling "cleansers" and diet aids, while eating a piece of cake.

I don't think my incentive is working

there is a tribute in here somewhere

I LOVE football...yes I do. Sometimes I love it a little too much. Sometimes I think I may have missed something somewhere, because if I'm at a game and someone gets hit HARD, other moms are lamenting someone is going to get hurt and I am the one high fiving the kid after the game telling hin what an AWESOME hit it was. I like to think I just appreciate the skill it takes to excell at such a demanding sport.

So it is with a heavy heart I say go in peace Sean Taylor, you had some AWESOME hits.

turkey turkey turkey

mmmm I love Turkey.

I HATE shopping at Wal Mart 3 days before Thanksgiving.

Normally it is just me and husband and the chillins on Turkey Day. Occasionally I have had one of my siblings come to visit. But rarely do I have more than 6 or 7 people to cook for. Until this year when I have 13. So every other year of my Thanksgiving cooking life I have wanted a small turkey. Go ahead find a small turkey, like less than 12 pounds, I dare you. Unless of course you are looking for a large turkey, in which case every effn turkey you pick up will weigh less than your kids did at birth. So I pick up the biggest one I could find, at a whopping 13.56 pounds and think I'll just have to either a) make a crapper load of sides and appetizers or b) continue to check around for a larger bird. On my 3rd store I finally found one. So looks like I'm all set for Christmas dinner shopping.

I am very excied for everyone to come visit, however I was not so excited when I pulled into the parking lot and practically had to get a shuttle to the store. WTF does NO ONE work at 2 pm on a Monday afternoon? So after playing cart crash derby for an hour (By the way, why do they insist on filling the aisles with shit during the busiest weeks of the year?), I got into what appeared to be a "short" line, as if. The short line was filled with people buying crap without prices....300 pounds of butter that was on sale somewhere else and they wanted the sale price for it, (why don't these poeple just go to the store where the sale is? It's like 3 miles away? and what could 2 people possibly be doing with that much margarine...)and a VERY chatty older couple buying gifts off a baby registry, but forgot to give the cashier the slip until AFTER she wrung it up.

As my ice cream is melting on my shoe. Good times.....as I'm thinking why the hell did I invite, oh no not just invite...INSIST all these people come visit. Then I remembered, becasue I am thankful I have them.

Happy Turkey Day...remember why you are thankful too.

I have a boy

actually I have 3, and a neice who's moved in, but enough about them already.

Did you ever look back on something, an event or series of events and, while you may have been confused when it happened, later on you figured out why? That is my youngest.

When we got knocked up we both looked at each other like naa uhh wasn't me. I mean really I know we were all virile and fertile and what not, but it had been one of those months. So much so, that we were on vaca alone when I was at about 4 weeks, and I was thinking I had just gotten lucky that my Aunt Flo had held off visiting until after my trip. I even went sky diving (of course now I know what that does to a 1 month old fetus...dude it makes em all scrambled).

So really his arrival was sort of a shock. But regardless along he came. And you know how you finally start to feel back in the groove when your (then) youngest starts pre school, and you're not hauling diapers and bottles and strollers EVERYWHERE you go? Tantrums finally stop and you start to think life will be normal again some day. Only WRONG...you're in for it again. Yeah that was how I felt.

Everyone told me FOR SURE this would be my girl, that's why it happened. I was due a girl and here she came...only they were wrong. Turns out he did come along for reason I didn't know at the time, but now, NOW I know. Only I start to think I know, only to realize later, there is yet more to the tale.

He was born and my grandmother was very sick, she had been going down hill for a year or so and it was nearing the end. She lived to see him at 5 days old, and I thank God everyday I decided to ignore any medical advice and drive the 2 of us to see her. She died less than 48 hours after we left. So I said "That's why he came along, to help me through my Gram dying"

Then, a year later our marriage was bad. And a big move was approaching, and I contemplated just staying put. But I looked at him and knew he would hardly know his dad if I didn't at least give it an effort, and he dserved that. So we stayed together and I am so glad for that now. So I thought, again...good thing he came along.

Then this past summer when my brother died, my youngest has his name for a middle name. So I thought, see I had him so I would have a tribute to Jake.

And yet again, this past weekend, he and I went alone to visit my siter in Va Beach. I seriously needed a break, but didn't want to leave him home with the older kids and dad, because then I would worry, with husbands schedule I knew the kids would be on their own alot. So I just took him with me. We get to the beach and I am TIRED, I left mad early and it's a long drive, but we decided to walk to the beach and "Say hi". As we are walking up the dunes the smell hits us. You know that sweet sweet smell of salt and wind and uber fresh air. As I am thinking to myself how much I LOVE that smell he yells at the top of his lungs " YES! I LOVE THIS SMELL!".

And yet again my friends, that is why I had him.

today is the day

I was feeling a little blue this morning, Thanksgiving is here and while I am super excited that my brother and sisters and their g/f's, b/f's, dogs and offspring are all heading to the great white hell to celebrate together with me. Obviously we will be minus one and that makes me so sad I could just curl up and suck my thumb.

That and the fact that as I watched the youngest wait for his bus this morning that shit they call snow started falling, AND I think I may have some PMS issues, that have returned since I am no longer physically active EVAH, it seems. Anyway I was in a pissy mood.

And my husband calls, now usually this would segue into a rant or something bad. And believe you me, that man has done enough in the last month alone to warrant me putting a price on his head. But not today, today I am so glad he is mine. If I think the weather is bad here, where is working it is worse. It is pouring rain, turning to snow and miserable. He has already spent the last week working in the rain with a cold, and this morning he souned like hell. One look at the Doppler where he is and I said to him, "Why not just call it a day and try next week?"

Because he is afraid if he waits the opportunity to make the $$$$ up there will be gone. And I loved him so much, because I know how much he hates to work in these conditions, and I know the guys are being asses because they don't want to work in it, and I know the trucks are getting stuck, and the drivers are bitching for late hours and I know it would be easy for him to say screw it and come home.

But he didn't, because giving his family the absolute best of everything is more important to him than anything else. Today I feel so lucky.

(however next week, when the rosy facade is gone, I will bitch about the fact I live in an effn fort, while we collect snow mobiles)

electronics anonymous

Umm Hi! my name is Maria and I am finally joining the new millenium.

Because I am soo incredibly frugal, I have hee hawed around over the ipod situation for at least 2 years now. As soon as I think I have myself talked into splurging on one for, you know, me (my kids are on 2nds, mind you) a better one comes out. So, I wait and again finally convince myself to do it and the price goes down, and I get leery, a better one must be on it's way. It is a vicious cycle, and sometimes I just tire myself out.

Fast forward through the changing of my mind 43567 times, and the actual adding of one to a shopping cart, to remove and/or delete it another 1243 times, that brings us to Friday. I walked in and my neice says "look on the table". So I look, and glory be...angels sing

THE GIRL BOUGHT ME AN IPOD!

How sweet is that? Why? Because I always say I want one and never buy it. My kids could seriously take a lesson. or you know my husband.

I have found the one electronic item that could bring me peace. Yeah, it's THAT good. A friend many moons ago referred to my tatse in music as, let me see if I can remember his exact phrase...."on crack". I can't help it, I grew up in the age of disco, bopped through the British invasion of the 80's, banged my head to some serious metal, saw the first Seattle grunge thing, and have always had a soft spot for anything groovy..you know some r&b, blues, rap. Needless to say I can now jump from Suicidal Tendencies to Elvis, and back to LL Cool J, with zero effort. Plus all my old cd's that skipped...HELLO? It fixes them...(swoon).

The only downfall? I can never use it in public...I can't resist singing LOUDLY.

Boo humbug

I am not a halloweenie kind of person.

I used to be, I was all about dressing up and scoring some free goodies. Playing a trick or two, (or twenty, but just one year, I swear) and generally having fun. Even after I got out of school and was working, I would dress up and embrace the day o spooky.

Then I was a full fledged grown up and would decorate the life out of my house, even though I have usually lived in the boonies where nary a trick or treater shows their face. I loved to get treat bags together for school, and couldn't wait to dress up the chillins and head out in search of a free sugar rush.

Somewhere along the line I lost it. I actually said to myself this morning "One more year". Fifth grade is the last year for Halloween parties where the kids dress up. I didn't even buy a pumpkin this year. I am a Halloween grinch.....

to football moms

One fine hot summer day in August of 1996 I did something that would become a ritual. I dressed my oldest son in his football gear, and took him to practice. It seemed like it was the hottest day of the year so far, and I failed to realize he would need a drink. Lucky for him we lived close to the field and my error was soon remedied.

I will never forget that day. I think of it every time football season starts, every time I put in pads for the inaugural practice, and boil the mouthpiece. How I struggled with the equiptment (and he was only playing flag that year), fought with the damn belt, and cursed my husband for not realizing before hand I would have no clue how to do this and taken care of it. Only 10 minutes late that day, not bad at all, of course we were minus a drink and the mouthpiece was too big. But we were there.

Without fail every August rolls around and I know it's coming. Tweleve years and it's never let me down, the first week of camp will be the hottest it's been all summer, and the stentch of the equipment when I finally get to wash it never stops shocking me. Only now, I am the mom who is always on time and always ready. I am the mom everyone asks for directions to away games, and I am the mom who warns of the danger of over boiling, and carries a spare mouthpiece in her car, because someone will always lose one 5 minutes before kick off.

I am a football mom. I cry when they lose and cheer the loudest when they win. I boo the refs when neccesary, and run along the sidelines if my kid has the ball. I brave a season that starts when I am still swimming and ends with a snowstorm. I will stand in a downpour sipping bad coffee, because if I don't, I won't be able to stand not knowing what is going on. The teams have changed, we have been Bulldogs, Vikings and Huskies, but my pride remains the same.

Last night my oldest informed me his tentatively scheduled game for next week was cancelled, and because of their stellar 3 and 5 record so far this season, the last game would indeed be Friday. As of right now he has no plans to play in college.

I looked at him and said "Just like that, huh?" and started to cry and he said "yup" and teared up a little as well. It's been a nice run.

I will still have gear to wash and pads to fit into those tiny pockets next year, but I will have one less set to deal with, one less game to watch, one less son to cheer for. But my memories of all those games will live on forever and right now I'm glad I was there.

This was in a program a few years ago, and it's a little hokey, but it sums it up.

His Football Uniform

For many long years I washed this suit and goodness what a chore!
I've seen the grass, blood and dirt, the stains and grime galore.
I've held it very gingerly, then dropped it in the wash.
While thinking, next week wash again, gee, O Lord, gosh.

The fortune on detergent, the time I've spent _ I shudder.
For many long years I've washed this suit; call me mother.
But today I washed this uniform, perhaps the final time.
After all those years of drudgery, I failed to see the grime.
I saw the boy who wore it with such pride and dignity.
And suddenly, that football suit looked beautiful to me.
I saw the dedication of my young man to the team.
His pride to wear the uniform, to play the game and dream.

I feel the tingling of the game, the tumult to the end.
The heart, the spunk, the cheer and pats of every loyal friend.
The character and goodness that this uniform helped to grow.
And precious boy who wore it is so special I can glow.
If I had one wish for certain, the one I would adore-
Would be to wash this uniform for many long years more!

Thank you Zak!

on words

My youngest son has had, for most of his 9 years, a gift for butchering the English language. The first word he ever said was "tree", he said it "free", and so it began. Trucks were frucks, motorcycles were a group of sounds I hope I am never able to make, oatmeal was oatmore. The list is long.

Even as he got older he refused to say things correctly, no matter how much correcting I did. I'll admit, he's my youngest it was cute. I would correct him, but it never took. Not only does he mispronounce everything, he refers to most things, at least once as "You know, that thing". Clearly if it isn't overly important to him it gets shuffled to the back.

We have had many an early morning arguement over the mint muffin and ENGLISH muffin debate. A mint muffin (you need to say mint with emphasis) is a sausage egg and cheese sand, like a mc muffin. Which is what the rest of us call it. An ENGLISH (again said more loud than emphatic) muffin is just that.

Last night the 2 of us stopped for dinner on the way to a football game. He was telling me about the dinner he and his brothers and husband went to a few months ago. It was funny because they told the waitress it was middle son's b day and got a free dessert. (survival skills my friends) He proceeded to inform me that the guys, "you know the guys who work there".

"Waiters" I interrupted

"Yeah them, anyway the guys who work there brought out the bong and everything"

So I froze, pretneded not to hear, and prayed no one around me did either.

"The what?" I said

You know the thing they hit (I swear I almost choked when he said that) with the big stick.

He proceeded to demonstrate how to hit a "bong"

Only he meant a GONG.

Homecoming '07

I offer proof, that even though I am aging, my genes are still quite impressive. My oldest at his last HS homecoming, and his equally stunning g/f, and not to be ignored, the good car.

Hey Now

TWO posts in a week...wooo, setting the world on fire.

Stayed home yesterday, on the premise that I had some of my work to do. I am tired of running all week and working all weekend while the dear sig other travels around the country feeding his man crush on Romo . Laundry was piled, paperwork was long ignored, receipts were spilling out of their bin, and payroll was still unfinished from LAST week. Plus I thought it would be nice to feed my family something that didn't come from a window or had been previously frozen. What did I do?

umm nada, but I did clean and cook dinner and do laundry, and read 200 pages of Ghost Story...but I hate paperwork. I am such a non starter. So here we are today and I am once again putting off some work.

So I saw a commercial yesterday for the re release of the "previously released for a short time only, once it's gone it's gone for good" Jungle Book . It got me to thinking of the movies my kids attached themselves to, and how many times I had seen each one. Beauty and the Beast, 101 Dalmations, The Lion King, and I thought if I had to listen to Woody and Buzz one more time, I might actually try to fly myself.

Maybe this is why I don't watch TV now. I find travelling around the blog o sphere lately I am in the minority of non TV watchers. My boys and husband watch Prison Break. Which, in my humble opinion, is the stupidest thing going...how many times is this guy getting locked up? Come on, do people really like this crap? Ewww, so I feel a little like the geek in HS, because I do NOT watch any network prime time shows, do not look forward to the fall lineup, and could care less who has been kicked off, voted out or eliminated.

Just call me Nerd, I'm alone in my room reading a book.

ohhh click on publish post.....

anyway....questions questions questions. That's all I have lately are questions. And questions with no answers, not exactly a riveting read. That added to the fact that the only spare time I have had is from 5:45 to 6:00 am, or 10:30 pm until I fall into a deep coma like sleep, usually 2 minutes later. SO while I don't claim to be a literary genius, or anything, it still hasn't left much time to sit down and think of something to write.

You know, like questions.

I am tormented by the questions. When my brother died everyone said it had to happen for a reason. Maybe a reason we'll never know. But I cannot stop thinking that part of it was so that the rest of us would really and truly understand how short and precious life is. A kick in the ass so to say. But what does it really say?

Be happy.....does that mean change the things in my life that make me unhappy. Or, accept my life isn't perfect and be happy with what I have? Do I go crazy to lose weight, because my body does not make me happy? or do I accept who I am and stop worrying about me shape and just eat the food I love? Do I work harder to acheive things quicker? or relax and take life as it comes, knowing as long as my kids are healthy everything else will be good? Do I spend more or save more? Green beans or broccoli? Take more vacations? Take less?

Clearly I need some answers....or medication.

i'll be expecting a swarm of locusts anytime now

You know when you go through the tragedy of losing a loved one, it SUCKS. Right? right. SO you would think maybe the universe would take my fragile state of emotions into consideration. Maybe I could be sheltered from some of life' s problems for a couple months. Give me time to maybe, you know, get my sanity back. I honestly don't think that would be asking alot. I don't want to win the lottery, well I do, but it's not like I'm gnashing my teeth and shaking my fist at the world because I couldn't score the 300 mil from powerball. I don't expect my children to suddenly become angelic little cherubs, cleaning, laundry doing, non fighting cherubs. I don't even expect special treatment, I know life goes on, I know the world continues, I know I have to continue to be strong and brave and show my children mommy has not completely lost it.

So is it too much to ask that maybe I be spared some of the other shit that isn't just a normal part of everyday stress? Which in all honesty, I think I have enough of anyway. thankyouverymuch.

Because there are quite a few things I seriously could have done without recently, like the 10 day vigil where I was begging God, Allah, and pretty damn near much anyone who would listen to bring upon my niece's (ahem) time of the month. Even though she swore it was impossible, she be pregnant. Never mind the fact there seems to have been NO responsible parental unit when she was back visiting her mom, and grandmother and old boyfriend and friends, a few weeks ago. Finally it arrived with much quiet celebration on my part. Then there was the nail I apparently drove over at some point, a rather large nail it was at that. I found out about it when I came out of Wal Mart to a completely flat tire. So yeah frozen food does NOT hold up well when it's a billion degrees out and you're waiting for someone to come change your tire.

Of course my ever helpful husband, has decided it's time for his 2987th mid life crisis, and every bit of available cash has been dribbling away to incredibly important things like $100 hair cut and color, non profitable trips to AC, useless shit for car racing that is over for the year anyway, and even more important stuff for the snowmobiles..that will be lost before that season begins.

He must have more lives than my cat who keeps running into traffic, with all the "mid life" issues he has had.

One of neighbors has filed a complaint against us and we get to go to court, my accountant is having "trouble" piecing together where $50k went last year, and my printer and Windows Vista don't get along so well. Only they decide not to get along only when I need to have something printed immediately. My dryer has stopped drying things, unless it runs for 90 minutes or so.

There are tons of little things, I seem to be operating in a daze because I have stubbed my toes, and whacked my hands and fingers against more objects I can count. The kid's current schedules have me driving in circles for almost 3 hours straight every evening. And could the oldest stop being a jerk and then blaming it on MY bad mood?

Then finally as if all of that were not enough for me, a poor grieving soul who wants nothing more than to relax and get herself back on track, the real kicker, the big one. There was the raging flood that destroyed all our carpet and alot of our furniture in our downstairs. The same DS that houses ours and the 2 younger boys bedrooms. Well housed, I should say as the boys have been forced to move back upstairs into my old office and we are sleeping in a slightly damp, kinda stinky bedroom. With a dehumidifier that has decided it will no longer auto shut off. I found that out as it was pouring water back out onto the lovely cement floor I get to tread over..IN MY BEDROOM.

And just now as I was dumping said de humidifier, I stepped an a piece of the rug tack strip that was next to the tub....and it hurt.

and you thought picking a pre school was hard

Because my oldest son thought he knew it all, he made 2 mistakes in the last year.

1.He failed a quarter of US History because he didn't turn in the take home work he had to complete while we were on vacation last year, and

2.He missed, by 20 points, the cut off for a couple very good universities on the math section of the SAT. THEN didn't get up the day in May he was scheduled to take it again.

He has since remedied no 1 by dating his History teacher's sister. kidding, actually he won't even be his teacher this year. And no 2, well he has to take the SAT in October again, but unfortunately he really needs to apply before then. Now, he is looking at probably not getting into his first choice of schools (Pitt).

So guess what we did this weekend? Made a list of schools. Ten places my oldest feels will be acceptable to give him the knowledge he needs to succeed in life. Plus I think the hotness of the girls on the brochure factored in some as well.

This task was not as simple as it sounds, seeing as at one juncture I almost threw the 6 inch, 5 pound, US News and World Report Ultimate College Guide at him. If I wasn't so weak from arguing I may have given it a go.

How do you pick a college? I mean really, sure we all have dreams of Ivy League eduacated children...FULL scholarship Ivy League eduacted, I should say. But in reality there are so many schools to choose from. How do you pick a place where you will drive your child, and drop him off on Saturday in August, with his belongings to fend for himself? I gotta tell you..it's HARD. We compromised by choosing schools (with one exception) that were within a 3 hour drive from home. Close enough to visit alot, far enough to let him be on his own. But who is to say he's ready? He was looking for cool campuses, varied food choices and coed dorms. I am searching for bloodshot eyes (or lack thereof), lighted parking lots, lots of cell service, and girls with morals.

I am praying we picked the right ones....he chose 5 we know he will get into
Slippery Rock, Gannon, Marshall, Cal University of PA, and Dayton University. And 5 that he is going to have to BS his way into...Pitt, Penn State, State University of NY at Albany (my family is in Albany so I made a concession), Temple and U of Maryland. Now he could be accepted to a satelite campus for any of those schools (except Temple I think), but his goal is Main.

So, the work begins, there are millions of dollars in app fees to pay, essays to force him to write, and a math section on the SAT to conquer. All this out of a kid who would be content to lay on the couch and play Madden the rest of his life. I have quite a road ahead. If a really handsome 17 yr old is seen wandering the streets you will know why.

and what the hell is that SMELL.....

umm yeah, so that funky stench of old sweat, axe body spray, and feet. That would be my house, and it would mean only one thing....Football season is upon us. Which shockingly enough, means that this is the last weekend of summer vacation. Wow. That's only all I can say.

In past years the return of school has brought about parties the likes of which even Lindsey Lohan couldn't imagine. This year ehh. I mean don't get me wrong, I will eagerly herd the chillins onto the buses and into their cars, and I am uber ready to regain some order around the house. But I am so not ready for the schedules and the running, and the homework. The homework more than anything.

I got just a wee taste of it this week, with four kids in 3 schools and participating in 5 different sports, and my niece who was still working. Back to school meetings, booster clubs, fundraisers, Senior (don't even get me started on that path) parents, and work for us which was very busy this week. I don't think I was home for longer than an hour at a stretch until 9 pm most nights. And here I am bright and early this morning getting ready to head out to a scrimmage.

They say when these days pass me by, I'll miss them. At this point I am ready to give it a go.

and so

it seems, as the saying goes, life does indeed go on. My pain doesn't necessarily disappear, but it takes a backseat. One day last week I noticed I hadn't cried once all day, then I was able to listen to Sweet Home Alabama without feeling like my insides would be torn apart. Then I was able to tell the story of the crack in the light fixture and smile instead of whimper.

Then I realized, my brother, had the last laugh. I have this hideous light fixture over my table, for 8 years I have dreamed of ceremoniously tossing it off my deck and watching it shatter into millions of pieces. Now my husband is doing the happy dance, because my constant begging for it to be put to death are over. Once when Jake was here he hit his head on said fixture, and put a crack in it. Now I will most likely take it with me when I move out.

But things move forward, and luckily we had a happy 1st birthday to celebrate. So I loaded the vehicle and headed home to spoil my nephew and smother him with birthday kisses. He, of course, wants nothing to do with me, but I bide my time, soon he will realize who's house has the cool stuff, and I will become auntie #1. And I'm not too proud to bribe him.


*********************************

Husband and I celebrated 13 years of marital bliss yesterday. Although I am forced to point out, our actual anniversary number pales in comparison to the "living in sin" anniversary, which is coming in at almost 16. Which makes for a whole lotta years. I would thrill to say "our love grows more with every passing year", but in actuality, isn't it more like "we become more tolerant of each others crap because we are just plain tired of the same old arguments with each passing year" ? I mean if you were to be honest, what's your view on making a marriage last? I recently told my SIL to be, a/k/a mama to perfect nephew, the key to making a relationship last is determination, love fades in and out, determination keeps you together.

Lastly, when I was home for birthday we also went and picked out out brides maid dresses for my youngest sister's wedding and I am pleased to say I like it. WHich shocked me, because I never dreamed I would feel comfortable in something so strapless.

With all the bad that has happened over the last year, I can only hope that the 12 months ahead will be full of joy, weddings, maybe more babies(them, NOT me), graduations and so on. And while they will all feel a little empty, all we can do is go on.

Jake

The day I was born, God looked at the road I had ahead of me and knew I would need some help. He gave me a sister who would be my rock, then He saw I would need a sense of humor, He gave me a brother who would always be able to make me laugh. He knew I would need to feel tenderness, He gave me another brother to show me I was loved. Finally with the knowledge I would be a mom, He gave me someone who would show me how to be patient and tolerant, He gave me another sister.

The four of them helped to shape my future more than any other people I have known in my life, my own children included. We are 5 parts that make a whole, each of us self sufficient, but occasionally, needing the other 4 to fill in the gaps for us. Our love for each other is something rare and wonderful. It is a precious gift that not every group of siblings knows. I am blessed to have them.

Last weekend my laughter was taken away, and our group became smaller. I feel like I might never laugh again, and if I do it will be hollow and empty. I cry every time I say "my brothers and sisters", because now it is just my brother. I feel lost and sad, sadder than I ever thought possible. The last week of my life was so long and tortured I thought it might never end.

But I am thankful knowing I am not alone. And together we will each pick up a little of the laughter that was taken from us. And with our brother's memory, we will smile again....

the me in mommy

One of the only pros to having little uninterrupted time to write a post is that it gives you time to reflect on what you may be writing. As was the case with this piece of literary genius.

I woke up the other morning, looked around my room, and literally felt sick. Don't go jumping to conclusions, I assure you pregnancy is not in my future. Cleaning my bedroom was. The mess I looked at was disturbing. Back in the spring when our neice moved in with us, the "throw in whatever you have no idea what else to with" room was forced to become my 2 younger son's room, and our bedroom became the room for the crap. Not only did it become the crap room, it also became the I'll get to it later room. YUCK, later was here. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable being barefoot in your own bedroom, yah later had definitely arrived.

So I spent the afternoon cleaning the enitre downstairs and when I was done I was glad. As I looked around though, I saw things and didn't see things. I saw piles of books waiting to be read, bottles of nail polish tossed, a whole lot of clothes that hadn't seen the light of day since Christ walked the earth, and could I find more than one scented candle to cover the stink of old dust?

What the hell? I thought, who am I? I used to have at least one book going at all times, nails polished to perfection, enough Yankee Candles laying around to open my own outlet and the list goes on and on. The thing I didn't understand was I was able to keep these things up with 3 boys under the age of 10. It seems the older they get the less attention I pay to myself. Why? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

That was my original question....Where have I gone? Do I give so much of myself to my kids, that I somehow lost who I was? But the more I thought about it the more I thought, maybe that was me then and maybe this is me now. Maybe I shouldn't feel bad about things that are part of my past. I still love to read, but I also love to spend an hour sweating my butt off at the gym. I would still love to have beautiful nails, but I like working in my yard alot too. Candles and nonsense around the house all the time? Come to think of it I just got damn tired of dusting the shiznit off all the time.

I haven't lost me to mommy, I've just become a new me.

to think Pink Floyd had it all figured out and I was too stupid to listen

Do you read your horoscope?

I do, almost every day, believing it though is usually an entirely different beast all together. Sure you read it, you chuckle, you go about your day never giving it a second thought. Every once in awhile though, it seems to hit the nail right on the ol head. Usually my head, but sometimes it is dead on. Unfortunately i don't heed the advice until it's too late, or will read it the next day and think damn, there's some info that would have come in handy yesterday.

So, to end this nonsense rambling, let me get to the point....my horoscope the other day told me, things will begin to calm down now. Take advantage of the peace. I spoke out loud to my computer..."You better be right". Because we still like each other, I am thinking it will listen. The mess of last week is looking up, for that I am grateful. But in the midst of it, I selfishly thought how much it sucked that I couldn't even get 2 days to myself without the world crumbling. Then guilt took over, and slapped me around. So, if there is one thing I am ready for is some peace.


I am one of those people who pretty much sees any situation as half full. So, I like to think I do not create my own drama. So you move along through life things are going ok. Could be better, could be worse...blah blah blah. Then one day you walk smack dab into the brick wall. No matter how hard you try, that wall is there, yielding occasionally, just enough to trick you into thinking all was good again. "HAH...sucker", the wall snickers. Back again.


But if you think back, you can remember a time when the wall wasn't there. All was quiet, if you're like me, it's when my kids were young. I was young. I was staying home, living in a neighborhood I loved, enjoying every day of my life. Then one day the wall showed up, and I have been struggling to get over, around, or just blow the damn thing up, since. It's given way on occasion, but it won't completely let me through. Here's hoping my horoscope was right, and my wall lets me pass this time.

genetics and not so much

Last weekend was my anuual girl's trip to Atlantic City, and it was fabulous....for the first 24 hours. Then I got some bad news and it became nothing more than a test of my will and determination. The first phone call to my husband went something super rational like "You NEED to come get me NOW, because I CANNOT be here with this going on!!!!!!"

However cooler heads prevailed for me, and helped me realize there wasn't much I could do wherever I was. Short of renting a leer jet to transport me, and seeing as nickel slots don't usually pay out in the hundred thousand dollar range that wasn't a viable option. So i ran my cell phone battery down like 4 times and waited out the last day of my trip.

When I received the news I had been on my way to "dinner". I say dinner, but really I was on my way to the feeding frenzy that can only occur when the words seafood, buffet, all you can eat, and crablegs are involved. And I was gonna show my friends my trademark "butter" shooter too. But I would like to retain some sort of dignity here, so I will refrain from further explanation. So obviously, I begged off dinner. My dear friends didn't want to go, but I had blubbered at them long enough and they had endured an hour of the kind of phone calls a large family in crisis can create, so I told them to go. I would go outside and get some air, then go charge my phone and wait.

About 90 minutes later I am talking to my sister in VA, and I realized as I was on the phone with her, that even though I wasn't hungry, I had eaten a rather large bag of ceddar and sour cream chips, and half of the gallon bag of mini candy bars. HMMMMM Stress much? My sister wouldn't admit to it, but she was most likely smoking her 50th cig while her 3rd french bread pizza was cooking. Today she and another family member are headed to Friendly's...because if there is one thing our family does in crisis it's eat and we do it well.

Switch to the opposite end of the spectrum, upon my return I checked my email the next day. My youngest sister who is getting married next May had already emailed me a link to her registries (before the near tragedy, of course). Because if that had been me, the one who did her entire 20 page senior essay in one weekend. You know the one they assign the beginning of the year to turn in at the end? Registries wouldn't be complete until 2 weeks before. No wonder she's nervous about me being in charge of her shower. Has anyone ever had an "after wedding" shower?

love and such

I am IN LOVE!!!!! I am, I am, I am. I have suffered long and hard and the rewards are so worth it. I have mentioned before about my love/hate relationship with all things electronic. Sure they make life a little easier, but in the long run, they always kick me when I'm down. Take for example computers. My PC before the one i have been using up and quit on me in JANUARY 2005. JANUARY people. As a self employed bookeepeer who is a little lazy on the backing up, that is absolutely the worst possible time for my computer to quit.

Why? You ask....Becasue in January I have reports to file, w 2's to send out, and those pesky things like income tax to prepare for. Usually there are about 3 months of work that I inadvertantly haven't backed up yet, making a computer failure disastrous. Not to mention January begins what I like to refer to as our "humble time".

Or to put it bluntly, it's our poor season. There is no money coming in, and because we still believe in the magic money fairy or something, we have usually spent most of our cash on really important things like...snowmobiles, and Disney trips. Miraculously I scraped enough cash up to get a new PC and so began our honeymoon period. You know how those first 6 months it seems like your new friend can do know wrong, it reads your mind and anticipates your desires. Life is just too good.

Then one day you get a weird message from it, "No big deal" you think. (click) all gone, still friends. Only that's just the beginning. My computer becomes more and more like my husband every day, whining and complaining, slow to start, and LAZY. Then, much like I do my children, I begin to bribe it. "Please' c'mon, just do this one thing and I'll shut you down". Then I start to threaten it, finally I end up ignoring it as much as humanly possible and throw the ol stink eye it's way when I pass.

I have endured 6 long months of listening to my PC sound like a helicopter when I would attempt to do anything, run 2 programs? Oh hell no. I think it would have flown away, or simply imploded. Plus it noticed I was spending a bit too much time on the internet, so it quit that on me too. Forcing me to use a laptop that my super svelte husband (all 6'4 and 270 pounds of) stepped on and cracked the hinge, so the screen hung a little crooked, which was always fun. You haven't paid your car insurance, until you've paid it sideways!

So yesterday my new love arrived, and I can run as many programs at once as I want, I can work AND go on the internet. I can even look it straight in the eye and it's so quiet I forget it's even on. PLUS, it has this great post it note thingy in the (gush) sidebar...ooohhhh. I know I am falling again and I would like to think I have learned my lesson. In matters of the heart I guess I'm a sucker.

tutus

As a mom of only boys there are a few things I never had an opportunity to witness over the last 17 years. I have seen my fair share of cheerleading competitions. and done some formal dress shopping, even hung around a gymnastic camp or two. I had never been to a dance recital before this past weekend.

I know friends who have girls complain incessantly about the dreaded recital, and after sitting through one I can kind of see their point. KINDA Because I realized on Saturday night I GOT GIPPED!!!!! I never wanted a girl so badly as I did sitting there watching these young women dance.

They ranged in age from 4 to 18, so there were some high points and some low. And if I had been a mom to the 4 year olds, who were onstage for all of 3.5 minutes of the THREE HOURS, I may have been a bit put off. But some of the girls were absolutely stunning (my son's g/f being one of them), and to pour salt in the wound, the theme was 80's songs.

SO I sat there listening to my songs and watching other people's daughters dance. It was heart wrenching. I had always thought I was ok with never having had a girl. I am so thankful for my boys, that they are healthy and smart, and every other wonderful thing they are. But they will not don a tutu...ever. Probably not even on a dare.

Looking back though I am super glad I decided to go the permanent birth control route a few years back, cause I would most likely be sweating right now if I hadn't. As much as I loved to dance, and as much as I would have loved to have a dughter to share my passion with, I do not want to have a child starting kindergarten as I am becoming a grandma.

time in a bottle

it honestly seems like a month or so ago that I happily exclaimed in 2 days it would be a schoooool night. Take that, another summer done, another exciting school year ahead. Only it somehow unbelievably was 9 months ago. On one hand it seems as though the year flew, on the other, so much has happened, it seems unthinkable it's ONLY been a year. Time, she plays funny tricks.

I find it incredibly painful to watch my youngest son grow up. Maybe painful isn't the word, I guess I feel helpless. I sit across the table from him, watching him dunk his cookies and want to freeze every second, I never want to forget these minutes. I am making up for the fact that when he was an infant, he suffered from the 3rd baby = no picture syndrome, by snapping 2 or 3 shots of him almost daily sometimes. I want to freeze that mischevious smile, or innocent look. The things I KNOW for sure will fade with time. They will fade, his voice will deepen, his shoulders broaden, his sense of humor and THAT laugh, all these things will change, and my sweet little boy who laughs at everything, will become a sulky teen, then a man. I know it will happen, I have watched it twice now. I will not be caught off guard again.

I caught a glimpse of my middle son and he had the same build as his older brother. He was riding his dirtbike and it could have been the oldest had I not known better. I knew at that moment he would be taller than me if we measured (he was, well is). Taller, thinner, yet broader. He is changing before my eyes.

Time is hard on a mom, sometimes I just want to stop it, freeze everything, maybe even move it back a bit. sigh

the end

hmm no idea why no comments on the last post...hopefully it won't happen again.

Anyway, take a DEEEEEP breath. I'm done. Work is fin, well at least the hard part is. My darling husband, who literally came home Weds night for the first time in about a week, spent yesterday searching airfare and is on his way to BWI as I type, to do some sharkin'.

In other words he bailed, to Miami, to fish. He intends to spend 2 days on a boat with his cell phone off. He'll make the 2 days on the boat, but no way in hell will he be able to leave the phone off. I dared him.

The chillins are about done with school, there are some half days to go and a final or 2 yet. But Weds is the LAST day. Thurs at ass crack of dawn I am outta here. Headin to da beach to visit my sis, and steal my nephew who is accompanying his parents down, as well. YEEAAHH!!!! (happy dance)

AND SOME BIG NEWS....my baby sister got engaged last week. She hit the husband LOTTO, not only is he tall dark and handsome. He's so nice....and he's a Dr. (ok almost a Dr.) and you know what a Dr in the family means.....good drugs!!!! kidding, jeesh

It also means I have less than a year to lose 700 pounds of ugly fat, so that I won't hate the pictures from the wedding. Because I finally get to be in a wedding (go me go me).

So excuse me while I spend my weekend in my yard, planting some flowers, and making my house so pretty, so I can wave goodbye to it most of the summer. Because I was thinking about it last night,(trying to rationalize why I was staying home and jerk was going to Miami) between family things,kid's games, a trip or 2, and college visits with the oldest i will be home for about 10.2 seconds between Thurs and Labor Day.

oh yeah...you can exhale now. Hope your weather is as nice as mine promises.

ohh the temptation

My beauty routine has never consisted of much more than an exfoliating scrub, Oil of Olay, a smudge of eyeliner and a dab of mascara. Bronzer in the winter. So basic it is laughable. Of course some people say I'm lucky, my one friend who had bad acne as a teen has to clump on so much makeup just to feel ready. Not that she NEEDS to, she just feels better with it, and is jealous of my ability to do close to nothing.

I have had moments in my life though, where I would be possessed by some inner diva. I would be compelled to purchase liners, lip sticks, and cute little pots of nonsense, that inevitably would be hardly touched and end up in the trash or doled out to friend's daughters.

I thought I had finally grown out of all that. I knew just because I bought the crap did NOT mean I would use it. Yeah, I have times where I want to look more dramatic, but I feel silly with more than my minimalist look. I was good to go, hey here I am take me or leave me.

Then one Christmas I innocently went online and bought my brother's g/f (at the time, now mommy to my perfect nephew) a gift card to Sephora. Lo and behold a couple months later, didn't those fine folks send me a catalog. Not just a catalog, ooh no. More like a book of girly goodness, chock full o tubes and tubs. Scrubs and lotions, scents and little pots of glimmery, sparkly shiny stuff.

Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE sparkly stuff? The book comes and I am compelled....I MUST look. I know I shouldn't, but I cannot stop myself. And every stinkin time it's the same thing.

diva me:"OOOOHHHHHH, look. So cute, I would use that if I bought it"

real me:"Yeah just like the lip Venom, there's $32 we'll never see again"


diva me:"Come on just this one last time, and if I don't use it I'll NEVER ask for anything from here again"

real me: "NO"

diva me: "Screw you, I know where you keep the crdit card"

real me: "well they do give me free samples"

The rest my friends is history. 3 days later I am the proud owner of at least 2 new items that will never be used, save for trying them out. The cute little bag they "wrap" the shit in, and a moistrizer that will last 1.5 applications.

Curse you Sephora, and all your wares. You will not lure me in again. (except for that one eyeliner maybe)

the apple and the tree it fell from

Husband and I returned home from work on Sunday. OK, first off, don't even get me started on the fact that not only did I work on mother's day(!!), and it was real work, not one of the days where I sat around waiting, but trekking up and down this STEEP hill, crawling around under trees, trying to decide which ones were junk and which ones weren't. Not only did I work, but we got home and darling sensitive husband walked in the door and sat on the couch and started to play X Box. I, went about the business of deciding what to do about dinner, and cleaning the effin mess that 4 kids left in their wake throughout the day. Because he's the dad, and that's what he does.

Seriously though, don't feel bad, I have my ways of getting even. Like while I'm cruising the outlets in AC on Father's Day, and he's stuck home for 3 days with the kids. I might just wander into the Coach outlet and stumble upon this, and take it home. Because I'm the mom and that's what I do.

So husband sits his butt down to play X Box. Only hmmm, no controllers. Now I am the first to admit that my home will never be mistaken as a home for the compulsive cleaner. But I do have 4 cats wandering around, so the chances of any critter being large enough to wander in and walk off with the controllers are really quite slim. And unless all the ants, that have recently started invading (reminder to me...need some Sevin )gathered together and hoisted the controllers on their backs, someONE had to do something with said controllers.

Only, you guessed it, no one knew where they were. I had my ideas, because oldest had had some friends sleep over the night before and they were all still snoozing soundly when we left. (at 7 am, to work on mother's day...)But I kept my opinions to myself, not wanting to stir up an unneeded, and ridiculous arguement about video game controllers. My solution was this, given the controllers HAD to be here somewhere, oldest should go to Wal Mart and buy a new one on his way to pick up dinner.

"But they're $50.", exclaims my husband, who will drop $479 on an RC helicopter that will fly once and crash to a fiery death, with out batting an eye. AT which point I told him he could either get a new controller or find something else to do.

Oldest comes home with food and controller and we all sleep happily. The next morning I said to oldest, if he had leant the controllers out he needed to get them back. The mere suggestion of such an atrocity being performed by him was enough to start the mumbling, door slammimg fest of Monday morning, which carried over into the "I dont trust him", pity party of Monday evening.

Yesterday (Weds), husband and I were both gone ALL day. No one around but the kids after school. What is peeking out from under the coffee table this morning, just enough to be noticed, but not enough to be tripped on? Both controllers.

Because he is our son and that is what he does...

didja ever.....

look at your husband (wife, partner, significant other) and feel so madly in love with him, you were forced to remember why you chose to spend your life with him in the first place.

then

2 seconds later wonder if you could actually get away with killing him?


cause I need to make sure I'm not the only one

the battle rages within

Being the oldest girl of 5 children I was like a mini mom from the ages of 8-16. Not only did I earn a whole bunch of concert, magazine and Aqua Net cash by babysitting neighbor kids, but I was the built in babysitter of the household. I complained then, but really I didn't mind. I love my brothers and sisters as much as I love my own children, just in a different kind of way.

When I became a mom I was pretty sure there wasn't a whole lot that could shock me. Before I even hit puberty I had been spit up on, peed on, and changed more NASTY diapers than most full grown women. I had the bouncy hip thing down and could rock a fussy, teething baby to sleep quicker than my own mom. I knew formula, cereal, how to clip nails, and clean umbilical cords. I was nothing short of a pro. There was only one thing to shock me...

the GUILT

Holy shiznit. The GUILT. No one told me I would feel guilty over EVERYTHING. Ooopps dressed baby in shorts and it's cloudy. (GUILT) Didn't buy the right baseball pants and for one game he is the only one with black instead of charcoal. (GUILT) Couldn't make a PTO meeting and now he missed book fair. (GUILT) The list goes on and on, and as you can see 99.9% of it is frivolous. So pure it floats.

I realized last weekend my guilt was becoming too much. My oldest, who has never had to work outside of chores around the house, a milisecond of his life, never had to "collect" gas money, never paid a penny of insurance. Turned 16 and had a car, which cost him nada, at the ready. This dear sweet boy had to give up "his car", you know the one we bought, paid on for 5 years, keep full of gas, and insured, plus put a new engine in it so he would have a car to use. Yeah he had to give up "his car" so the guys that work for us, helping enable us to be able to provide all these things for him, could actually get to work for a couple days.

I felt GUILTY!!!!! Why? Because I knew he had plans to go to the movies on Friday. I ran crazy Friday afternoon, arranging rides for 2 other children, dropping them to places where they could get rides to where they needed to be, and was stuck at home for the entire evening. ALl so oldest could keep his uber important plan to go see Spiderman intact. Am I completely insane?!!?

All together now, "Why yes Maria, it seems you are"

So this year for Mother's Day I decided ENOUGH. I am done with the GUILT, the GUILT is taking over my life. The GUILT is completely unfounded, and I am taking back my emotions. Of course the youngest woke up sniffling this morning, and I realized I had left his window open last night....damn.

random nonsense to let you know i'm still alive

prom...awwwww

Did you see this? I knew it. A few years ago, my husband was in a bad accident. I told the nurses I didn't trust that stuff. It really seemed to affect him in a bad way, and he seemed to use it as a crutch. But Oh NOOO they told me. It's a new wonder drug. Wonder my ass, wonder no more. When he was released from the hospital I wouldn't even get the scrip they sent home with him filled, because I wanted him off it. Guess I was right again.

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It's true, girls are way worse drivers than boys. If I thought teaching my son to drive was tough, at least he knew a red light means STOP. Oh my gosh, I don't think I have the strength so soon.

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You might think it would be hard for a girl to move into a house of males. My poor boys, the youngest freaked out over a pair of her underwear. Middle son gagged on her hairbrush being left out (in all fairness I hate hairy brushes too), and oldest refused to shave today because she had used his razor at some point. This from 3 boys who would pee off the deck, if I would let them.

*******************

I have recently discovered stress can make you physically ache. I used to poo poo people who said stress did this, stress did that. The other night every joint, bone and muscle in my body hurt. I need a vacation.

*****************

Finally a little snark for your day..

With the oldest I was always one of, if not the, youngest moms in the group. With the youngest I am one of the oldest. (hey it's the boonies there's nothing else to do, but get knocked up and married) I would sit at youngest activities and wonder how these women stayed so fit and trim, yadda yadda ya. Over the past year though I am noticing they aren't managing so well anymore. HA At the rate some of them are going, I'll be downright hottie mommie by the time they graduate.

hellloooooo...oh....oh..oh?

yeah, I know there is an echo in here. I actually posted something a week or so ago, but it discappeared, and I did not have the energy to write it again. SO, here I am again...just as I was on the brink of quitting the whole bloggy thing, the very kind Movin Mom tagged me. Forcing me back, which is actually ok, because I had things storing up in my head to the point where I was like, "I will never get all this down". And truth be told I've been feeling a little unable to complete anything lately. So, back I am...sporadically for a while yet, because I want to be able to eat this winter, and we now have another child to feed and pay tuition for, and send off to college in 2 years. Our 16 yr old niece has moved in with us. GOOD TIMES, drama times 2. YESSSSSSSSSS

So here's the tag...7 things fact or habit about moi...

fact..I am freakishly good with numbers. Not quantum physics or anything, but basic math...adding, subtracting, multiplying etc. I LOVE numbers, they always make sense, and always work out and balance at the end of the day. To this day I can figure change quicker than the kid in the "Keep the Change" commercial for Bank of America. I have my many years of food service to thank for that. Which brings us to

fact...every summer through HS I worked at the same ice cream place. We did not have a cash register and had to figure change and add in our heads. It was a great job, and my boss there gave me a lot of good insight about life. He and his wife were my entire career for about 6 years, first I watched their kids all summer for 2 years, then went to schlep the lovely goodness known as soft ice cream at their shop.

habit..I bite my nails, it is disgusting and I hate it. I had actually given it up for a long time but the last 3 or 4 years I have been at it again. I wish I could quit.

fact...I completely purged my house a couple weeks ago. EVERYTHING went (which was good seeing as the next week, I needed the space for niece). There was enough crap in my house and garage to fill a 20 cubic yd dumpster. That's big. Plus I have a bunch of stuff to sell at a yard sale I'm having next weekend. which brings us to..

habit...I now think way too hard about buying anything. I have gotten (dare I say) cheap. I need to splurge a little more, esp on myself. I will take the kids and drop $500 on baseball stuff like it's nothing, but not want to spend $40 on a pair of shoes for me, because I may only wear them a couple times a month.

habit...I hve the tiniest space between my 2 front teeth, and after I eat I clear it with my spit. ( ewww) because I am paranoid of having something in there. SO I make this gross sucky spit noise until it feels clear. I caught myself doing it in public once and almost died.

fact...even though I love GOOD food, and have dined at some of the nicest restaurants our country offers my absolute favorite thing in the world is Totinos Crisp n Tasty Pizza, you know the .99 frozen one. It is crap, but something about it just calls to me. When I am craving one nothing else will do.


Now the rules call for me to tag 7 others, but truth be told I have been so lazy about blogging and commenting lately..I'll skip this step, however if you read this consider yourself tagged. Let me know if you play along. Seeing as a few of my readers don't have blogs (at least not that they have admitted to) and NEVER comment (you know who you are) I am inviting them to quickly list their 7 facts or habits in the comments..WITH names. Hope to see something....

PS Jr/Sr prom is tommorrow, so look for some tear stained pics over the weekend I hope.

is there a meth addict in the house?

I am known for reminding my husband, rather incessantly, that Karma is indeed a bitch. It seems I am more right than I know. While he spent a good portion of the winter hacking, sniffling, and chugging cough syrup like it were the elixir of youth, I sat back and smirked. Hmmmm, "I'm not sick", I would remark. "Maybe you should take better care of yourself", I would chime, smugly, on my way out the door to the gym. "I can't believe I haven't been sick once this winter", I was heard to remark just a week or two ago.

I think that was the one that got me. Because I AM SICK. I can't even complain about it, cause I will never live it down. Thank God he's been away working, or the torture of hearing him tell me "How much sicker HE was" would probably push me over the edge, and I would stuff used tissue down his throat while he slept. Then I would have to figure out how to get his huge body out of my bed and make it look like an accident. Quite frankly, I couldn't do it on my own. Accomplices always turn on you, so it's super good he's not here.

Now the last time I was sick was probably last spring, chug some Nyquil get a good nights sleep, feel better in a couple days..right? WRONG!!!!!! It seems while I was blissfully enjoying my sick free fall and winter, they went and f**ed with all the good shit..AGAIN. Oooohhh we have to save the world from the stupid kids who chug cough syrup to get stoned. Can't they just do shots like the rest of us did after work behind school 18? I mean I heard some people used to do things like that. We have to shut meth labs down, can't have that poison in the streets. If they can figure how to make meth from cough syrup, I am sure they will be able to figure a way to replace whatever the handy folks at Nyquil took out.

And if anyone out there knows where I can get my hands on some street NyQuil, I will be forever grateful.

the difference a day makes

I took this pic yesterday...70 sunny, blue skies. today my poor daffodils will probably die while they are being SNOWED on. ARRRGGGGHHHHHH

in which I am a boastful

Let me stray from my usual whining about my kids, and be a proud mama for a minute..oldest yesterday did two really great things. He not only finally, after 2 years of coming so close it hurt, qualified for districts for his high jump, but he also tied his school's record. YEA!!!!! He is very confident he will break the school record before he graduates, if not this season, and I am just too proud of him. That's a pic from the paper last year at one of the meets. He jumped 5'10". How does one jump that high with just a few short steps?

reality stinks

I knew my days were numbered. I KNEW it, I don't know why it was so much of a shock, but it is. The questions have started. Shortly after Christmas, after a trip to Wal Mart, youngest came up to me with a look of total disappointment and said

him: Mom, I have a question

me: yes

him: Is Santa Claus real?

me: I believe in Santa (see how I don't actually lie...), why?

him: well I heard some people talking in the store, and they said Well he still believes in Santa

me:(cursing the morons who didn't look around to see if there was a young un near) I think maybe you just didn't hear them correctly

him: Well ok (big sigh)

me: what's wrong?

him: Well, it's just it would make me real sad to think you had lied to me all this time

WHAT!!!!! he is the first one to attempt to accuse me of lying, because he had Santa. So he has lost a couple of teeth in the last 6 weeks or so, all of which he has been compensated for. I was hoping we were past this, he hadn't once questioned the bringer of cash. Then the other day he said to me...."Repeat after me. I swear that the Easter Bunny is real, and may I struck down by lightning if I am lying"

so I did what any mom would do....I crossed my fingers and took my chances.

ME ME ME ME ME ....

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

lest you think I over exaggerate

youngest lost a t-o-o-t-h at school a couple days ago, this is what the envelope he brought it home in said

six words I never thought would pass my lips

I don't want to go shopping

I KNOW. Believe me it shocks me too. I am not sure when exactly it happened, but it did. In the last year I think I only went maybe 6 or 7 times, and out of those times once was for Christmas, and most of my purchases have been for the kids. I've grabbed a thing or 2, but most of my clothes are at least 3 years old. Last summer I knew I needed things, but I had just started back at the gym, and figured I would wait and splurge this year....you know, when I was thinner, ahem. We all know how that worked out. That's not the point of this, though, I am at peace with my body, I know it hates me and resists weight loss as my punishment, cause I'm super mature like that.

So here we are today, I literally have nothing to wear for Easter. Even my nice clothes look ratty. And with the break in weather I started going through my clothes for summer, unless I want to do my laundry every other day, or plan on only going places where yoga pants, and my husband's old t shirts are considered chic, I need to get some clothes. This is not something I am looking forward to.

I think alot of it has to do with the fact that I seem to find 2 kinds of stores, young kid stores (ie Hollister or Abercrombie) and I think their clothes are real cute, but my rear hanging out of everything isn't. Or old lady stores, which I am not ready for either. I know, Old Navy or Gap, but I don't like the way their clothes fit most of the time, most of my bulk is through the middle, their clothes always seem to show that off..woo hoo.

So I am thinking of venturing toward Pittsburgh, there are some larger malls there. Any store suggestions?

If you're only as old as you feel, I am OLD

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 37. Can we have a moment of silence for my youth which is officially gone.......


I thought before about lying about my age, you know what's the big deal? Shave a year or 2 off here and there. Who's gonna know? Unfortunately though, I shot myself in the foot on that one. Unless I want to admit being a 15 yr old mom at some point in the not too far future, that is. The one drawback in having a child who is, at times, 19 years younger than you, it really screws you out of the whole age fibbing process. I can see it now "Why yes, I had all 3 of my boys by the ripe old age of 21."

While I am not ashamed of my choices, I think I would like to keep some decorum of respect about me.

I am not neccesarily at a crossroads, and this isn't so much a "milestone" like 30 or 40, but I am none too pleased about it. I remember feeling the same way about 10 years ago. All of a sudden your birthday is not so much something you look forward to anymore. It's not the end of the world, but eh you know..big deal another birthday. The thing that got me 10 years ago is similar to what is bothering me now. Closing in on a big one. I remember how excited I was to turn 10, and my fourth grade teacher said to me "That's it double digits till 100". I laughed, full of joy that I would soon, no longer be able to show my age with my hands. I was a sucker.

It isn't even like I feel my age, I don't even think I look my age. While my mom did NOT give me the genes that enabled her to birth 5 children with nary a stretch mark or ounce of flab, she did give me some good skin. And days when I am in the gym and trucking on the treadmill, listening to some great music and running...yes RUNNING. Me running again and not having a heart attack, I feel young. I feel like I could conquer the world. Then I get off the machine and reality smacks me in the ass with a wet towel..and my back feels like it is made of rusty rods, and old washers. That's when I feel old.

So take a moment and thank God if you're still young, or at least, still think you're young, and I will mourn for my old body, but not my past. Becasue if given the chance I wouldn't want to do any of it over again. The only thing I really want to do is look forward to the future.

happy

My sister in law sent this fwd to me and I had to share....

This is an open letter written to the brand manager of Proctor and Gamble...

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her husband's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."

Are you f****g kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local
Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just
picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

will i ever learn?

We have a various amount of cats who come out of the woodwork, or the woods, I guess I should say, and dine and rest at our home. In our ceilings, garage, barn and on the deck when weather cooperates. But we do have 2 I consider house cats. The other day the older of the two was being particularly annoying. Yelling and swatting, begging at the counter like a dog. I yelled to Miss Kitty..."Keep it up and you'll be Chinese food", in ear shot of the youngest.

Oh the questions....and last night when I suggested Chinese fare for dinner, the DRAMA. All I wanted was some General Tsao chicken, and I got a whole lot more.

spring

I like, and have grown accustomed to certain things in my life. Food for the kids, a home with electric and indoor plumbing. Being able to keep creditors at bay, and my vehicle from being repossesed. And maybe an occasional Coach bag or two (or ten...someone stop me PLEASE). You know, neccesities.

In order to keep me in the lavish life I live it is sometimes important to make some actual money. Now is that time. For the next 3 or 4 months my darling husband and I will line our greedy little palms with, most likely, 75% of the cash we will make for the year. Yes folks, once again its

(drumroll please)

SPRING!!!!!!!!!

I know the calender doesn't say it yet, but the snow has melted, and the mud flows like rain. The frost is gone from the ground and the customers are screaming. It is the 3 months we look forward to all winter, and instantly wish it was over about midway through the first disaster of the season. Like Tues night at 10 pm when we had a train of vehicles, machinery and big ol chains attempting to free 85,000 pounds of truck, trailer and trees from mud. That was a whole lot of fun.

It is the time of the year when one day I won't have enough available cash to buy a loaf of bread, and the next day be able to buy a car if I so chose. I will also need to be the voice of reason when my darling husband will think it would be a good idea to buy the car. Because he is smart like that. And has the memory of my cat who keeps trying to play with the dog next door who kicks her ass every other day. How quickly he forgets February, and how miserable it is when we have not kept enough cashola to do more than sit around and look at each other all month, contemplating murder. Because nothing, NOTHING, tests a marriage like being together 24/7 for a solid month with no money.

I will most likely put 30,000 miles on my car by June 1, and it won't be fun. There will be days when I will wake up thinking I have nothing to do, and end up 200 miles away before mid afternoon, only to turn right around and come back home. I know my actual job could be a lot worse, I could be my husband, who deals with more headaches in a day than i sometimes do in a week. For this reason, I become the woman most men dream of marrying. I keep my trap shut and don't argue, and accept that I was wrong, even if I know better. Some days I will wish I had married someone else, and one day I will enjoy planting flowers while my husband toils away from 6 am until 10 pm.

It isn't fun, but it's what we do. We joke that it keeps us young, but is the cause for most of our aging. And just when you think you know what to expect, something new happens. Most importantly, after this year we have 8 more to go and we will be able to hang it up. It's all about the "BIG PICTURE", at this point.

So excuse me if I am errant in my duties in the coming months, it's only been a week and I feel like I have been drug through the ringer. HAPPY SPRING

if it was 2 o clock yesterday...

Usually I'm all about the Spring forward. I LOVE it. This year though? It's too early. It will be nice that it will be light later, but it will once again be pitch dark when middle guy and I rise for the day. Daylight, which was in full force by the time he caught the bus, will again be replaced by the tease of the sun just on the horizon. Plus after 30 some odd years of my mental clock knowing when to spring forward, I am dreading getting myself and the chillins up tomorrow.

The idea is it saves energy, but really I don't see that being the case so much for the next 2 weeks. How many of us leave lights on when we leave for the day? show of hands...that's what I thought. Lights that had been unneccesary on Friday morn, will be shining bright again tomorrow, most likely all day. Oh well, I guess the happy side is that baseball practice can begin earlier...weeeeee. And we will be able to get more wrok done for the first couple of weeks, so I shouldn't complain too loud. I just really like waking to light, you know the natural kind.

----signed, the woman who is STILL complaining even though it is sunny and 45 today. Lord how does my family stand me?

I am a mom

Today I am a mom. I feel like a mom. Somedays I feel like a friend, a sister, a confidante. Today I'm a mom. Not only am I a mom, I'm THAT mom. You know the one I wouldn't be. The one who freaked out over things that I thought were ok when I was 18. The mom who is so uncool you can't stand her, the one who is out to ruin lives and the mom who is hated.

What I didn't know before is how much it hurts to be that mom. Even though I know inside I am doing what is best and right. I am doing what needs to be done to insure my child's future is bright and healthy. I just don't understand why he can't see it that way. Have I forgotten so quickly what it is to be 17? No, I just never understood the love a mom has for her children and how desperate the need is to keep them safe. Even when they hate you.

It's days like this, I wish my relationship with my own mom was better. I would tell her how sorry I was, and I would cry on her shoulder. It's days like this I just want to take my sulking son, hug him BIG, and give him all my years of knowledge so he knows this is best. I guess I'll just have to wait for the day he has to be THAT dad.

can you smell it?

if you look and listen closely, you can see it. Spring is so close, I can almost taste it. Lots of little things, birds chirping early in the morning, patches of grass on the warm side of hills. There is the drip, drip, dripping of snow melting, even if the sun isn't out. The patch of mud or 2, and of course the daylight. It seems like it's been forever since it was light when my middle guy catches the bus, but once again the light is creeping back on early.

Even though just last night, I was thinking I am so tired of being COLD. I long for the days of heat like this
one. This morning I was given the ultimate reminder that Spring is closer than I dare dream. The very unmistakable stench of skunk. And it never smelled so good.