it seems, as the saying goes, life does indeed go on. My pain doesn't necessarily disappear, but it takes a backseat. One day last week I noticed I hadn't cried once all day, then I was able to listen to Sweet Home Alabama without feeling like my insides would be torn apart. Then I was able to tell the story of the crack in the light fixture and smile instead of whimper.
Then I realized, my brother, had the last laugh. I have this hideous light fixture over my table, for 8 years I have dreamed of ceremoniously tossing it off my deck and watching it shatter into millions of pieces. Now my husband is doing the happy dance, because my constant begging for it to be put to death are over. Once when Jake was here he hit his head on said fixture, and put a crack in it. Now I will most likely take it with me when I move out.
But things move forward, and luckily we had a happy 1st birthday to celebrate. So I loaded the vehicle and headed home to spoil my nephew and smother him with birthday kisses. He, of course, wants nothing to do with me, but I bide my time, soon he will realize who's house has the cool stuff, and I will become auntie #1. And I'm not too proud to bribe him.
Husband and I celebrated 13 years of marital bliss yesterday. Although I am forced to point out, our actual anniversary number pales in comparison to the "living in sin" anniversary, which is coming in at almost 16. Which makes for a whole lotta years. I would thrill to say "our love grows more with every passing year", but in actuality, isn't it more like "we become more tolerant of each others crap because we are just plain tired of the same old arguments with each passing year" ? I mean if you were to be honest, what's your view on making a marriage last? I recently told my SIL to be, a/k/a mama to perfect nephew, the key to making a relationship last is determination, love fades in and out, determination keeps you together.
Lastly, when I was home for birthday we also went and picked out out brides maid dresses for my youngest sister's wedding and I am pleased to say I like it. WHich shocked me, because I never dreamed I would feel comfortable in something so strapless.
With all the bad that has happened over the last year, I can only hope that the 12 months ahead will be full of joy, weddings, maybe more babies(them, NOT me), graduations and so on. And while they will all feel a little empty, all we can do is go on.