Saturday, March 24, 2007
If you're only as old as you feel, I am OLD
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 37. Can we have a moment of silence for my youth which is officially gone.......
I thought before about lying about my age, you know what's the big deal? Shave a year or 2 off here and there. Who's gonna know? Unfortunately though, I shot myself in the foot on that one. Unless I want to admit being a 15 yr old mom at some point in the not too far future, that is. The one drawback in having a child who is, at times, 19 years younger than you, it really screws you out of the whole age fibbing process. I can see it now "Why yes, I had all 3 of my boys by the ripe old age of 21."
While I am not ashamed of my choices, I think I would like to keep some decorum of respect about me.
I am not neccesarily at a crossroads, and this isn't so much a "milestone" like 30 or 40, but I am none too pleased about it. I remember feeling the same way about 10 years ago. All of a sudden your birthday is not so much something you look forward to anymore. It's not the end of the world, but eh you know..big deal another birthday. The thing that got me 10 years ago is similar to what is bothering me now. Closing in on a big one. I remember how excited I was to turn 10, and my fourth grade teacher said to me "That's it double digits till 100". I laughed, full of joy that I would soon, no longer be able to show my age with my hands. I was a sucker.
It isn't even like I feel my age, I don't even think I look my age. While my mom did NOT give me the genes that enabled her to birth 5 children with nary a stretch mark or ounce of flab, she did give me some good skin. And days when I am in the gym and trucking on the treadmill, listening to some great music and running...yes RUNNING. Me running again and not having a heart attack, I feel young. I feel like I could conquer the world. Then I get off the machine and reality smacks me in the ass with a wet towel..and my back feels like it is made of rusty rods, and old washers. That's when I feel old.
So take a moment and thank God if you're still young, or at least, still think you're young, and I will mourn for my old body, but not my past. Becasue if given the chance I wouldn't want to do any of it over again. The only thing I really want to do is look forward to the future.