it must be new years

Why do I say this? Because it's time, it's time for my kids to once again leave the nest and go back to school. I actually went to my bedroom last evening and put laundry away...JUST SO I COULD BE ALONE. How sad is that?

Between work ending, a lovely vacation and Christmas break, my family is really starting to grate on my nerves. Is that horrible? am I the only one? Will I actually (really and truly) look back to these days of incessant neediness and miss it some day?

Sometimes I wonder.

I took the boys to the mall yesterday, just to you know maybe spread out a bit. Garr they fought the whole way in the car. Sulked and kicked at each other while I was attempting to get what I needed at Staples. Whined if I was in a store that wasn't "someones favorite", or called becasue I needed to be at Hollister STAT! (!!!!) there was a "huge" sale. Ok, since when is a hoodie for 30 bucks a sale? Not in my book, so we sulked because I'm cheap. This from the oldest who wears a uniform to school anyway.

Then we went home, and asked the oldest to drive to this one pizza place because we really like their pizza. It's maybe a 10-12 min drive. He doesn't feel like it. Well I didn't feel like getting outta bed at 6 am one day to you know...give birth to you, but i did. I didn't feel like being your indentured servant and driver for the last 16 years, but I was. Now go get the damn pizza. And please when you get home make sure to whine extra hard about why we couldn't just order from the place that delivers....because you had to wait 10 whole minutes when you were there.

TEN MINUTES! the nerve. I have to wait 48 hours to get your butts back in school, you'll live.

football is like my lover

hmph...last nights game proved to be indicitave of the entire season. a few points short after a good game. at least they put the fear of God in those damn Giants, who now will probably end up playing the effn cowboys and I'll have to just wish the stadium opens up and swallows both teams.

bye football...i'll be waiting

It's the Superbowl...kinda

As mentioned earlier, I am a Washington Redskins fan.

This year I feel like I should be saying that in a meeting or something..."My name is Maria, and I am a Skins fan"

If you don't follow football, take my word for it, it's been UGLY.

There have a been a few shining moments, beating Dallas was tops in my book. Winning in New Orleans was pretty sweet, and I did enjoy the game I took the fam to. Went to watch Atlanta beat them soundly earlier this month, but at least my boys enjoyed that, and they managed to get attention from one of the Falcons WR's, who gave them a wave. You would have thought it was the second coming.

Which brings us to tonight...

Growing up in "Giants Country" (if there was a font of disgust, I would have used it just there), I had 2 options when I decided I enjoyed the foolsball. 1) root for the hometown team, or 2) pick their arch rival and root against em. I chose the latter.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because tonight is the night, last game of the season, after tonight Skins hang em up for another year. Giants pretty much have to win to play post season...And you heard it here ...Skins are playing spoilers, sorry Tiki..after tonight it's going to be over. Skins are going to send you home one last time, and be heroes for the rest of the NFC. I am stoked, and I will be calling out every Giants fan I know after.


****I reserve the right to delete this post if they lose ******

HAIL

back

we're home...yeah. can you sense the excitement? Our trip was wonderful, relaxing, great weather. No one fought an obscene amount. Only the day we tried to go to Magic Kingdom killed us, it was VERY crowded. But we stayed to the bitter end (mostly to get our $400 bucks outta the place) and watched the parade and fireworks. The days at Universal were awesome, it was practically empty. Of course now we know why, everyone was at Magic Kingdom. Went to Coccoa Beach for a day, and it was so relaxing, warm sun, empty beach. It really was a great trip. We even found a PS3 and brought it home...BONUS.

With a drawback or 2.

A little history for you, no trip is complete without a visit to the ER or urgent care. It's always something....swimmers ear, strep throat, a foot that blows up so much it really looks like one of those cartoons where the guy blows into his hand and makes it bigger. That was more funny than anything. You name it. I was in Kona for 2 weeks in 04, and made 3 trips to Hualalai Urgent Care....nothing says paradise like heading across the street to Wal Mart for your meds.

So this time it was me, Thurs night. After feeling like I was trying to give birth to a 10 pound gas bubble for most of the afternoon. I told hubs we HAD to go to the ER, I no longer cared if they laughed at me behind my back for coming to ER over gas. I just wanted to feel better. So we went, and spent thurs night until 5 am in the Sand Lake ER. It was nice as far as ER's go. And I got some great pills to make the rest of the trip go by real smooth. Nothing major, just a slight fem problem that my Dr will be able to remedy, (as soon as she gets back form vaca...glad I'm not dying).

Then because 06 could not go out on a high note, we get home late on the 23rd. There were just a couple boxes that were delivered while I was gone, I had asked a friend to stop by and put them in the garage so they would not just be laying outside. Turns out a certain grinch helped themselves to the boxes OUT OF THE GARAGE.

I KNOW!!!!!! Can you believe someone could sink so low? It wasn't even much, and unless this person had a Falcon fan, chess player, drummer and kid who wanted Guitar Hero 2 they were useless to that person. Just the point. Plus all of those gifts were for my 13 yr old, at least I was able to tell him what happened, and that I would buy him new ones. But the kid had 3 gifts under the tree on Christmas morning, and it bothered me.

but we did have a wonderful time, especially the part when I called one friend on the 20th, I was sitting at the pool, she was frantically searching for some I cat or something. ahhhh...life is good. Happy New Year ...I am hunkering down until it gets here..glad to see 06 in the rearview.

venus and mars collide

My husband is a bath kinda guy. Me? I honestly prefer a shower. So in our bathroom we have a big ol' jacuzzi tub, and a separate shower. Never the two need meet. Until yesterday.

Because of a plumbing glitch, the tub desperately needed a disinfecting. So the hubs was forced to use my shower. When I said to him.."I don't have any bleach right now, just use my shower". I had no idea the what I was bringing upon myself. OK, I should have. I mean we've been married for like a jillion years. I should have run immediately and bought some bleach. Looking back, I wish I had.

So I got into my shower, and oh no he did not..He did, he changed my shower setting. I had to tiptoe up (shower head comes out of the ceiling) to change it back. Also, because he is 6'4, and I am not even close to that, the water was hitting me smack dab in the face. Because, gawd, I guess he needed to shower his head as well, so he moved my shower head to accomadate him. hmph

I avoid drowning, and I reach for shampoo. He has messed up my collection of 1/2 empty shower products that I don't use anymore but refuse to throw away, AND put the wrong shampoo in front. AND used the scrub, but not put the top back on right. Oh the list of wrongs goes on and on. So I did what any normal woman (who is leaving for vaca in less than 24 hours and desperately trying to keep the peace) does.

I put a teaspoon of coffee in his choclate milk (he hates coffee), loosened the top of his mouthwash, so when he picks it up he'll grab the top and have a minute of frustration. Hid his cell phone under the bed and moved his shoes. Lots of little things, that will make him say..."I could have sworn I left it right here", but nothing that can be linked to me.

Because passive aggressive is my middle name.

Well I have some gifts left to wrap, and some clothes to pack and boys and girls.I AM OUTTA HERE...ciao

run don't walk

consider this my psa for December...should you see these innocent looking buns in your store, RUN , DO NOT WALK, away from them as quickly as possible.

Do not believe their innocent appearance. They are evil, Satan's tool. You will not be able to resist their cinamonny goodness, and the glob of gooey icing on top.

You might think that one small sliver cut off the side will satisfy you. It will not. You might think that scraping the wee bit of icing off the top of the packaging will cut it. NOPE. Before you know it you will have to go buy more to avoid the embarrassment of telling your family you are weak, weak to their power.

tis the season

Throughout much of my life as a mom I have been a Christmas nut. Decorations everywhere, gifts galore under the tree. Stockings stuffed, toys EVERYWHERE. Months obsessing over was there enough? and I loved it, don't get me wrong. I loved every second of it. Christmases when I was young were nice, but they were always stressful. My mom just doesn't enjoy it. She did it because of us kids, but her heart was not always quite in it. I swore my kids would have Christmases of their dreams.

Then one day a couple years ago, I was cleaning the playroom. I realized my Christmasness had to be curbed. My kids had too much. I had too much. I didn't need another Santa figure, or singing stocking. I didn't need 4 Christmas trees in my home, and my kids sure as heck did not need toys that would still be unopened in May.

The first year was hard, but I did ok. Everyone had gifts under the tree, but I knew I could have done better. The next year I restarined from buying any more decorations, and we took a vacation in January. The youngest still believes in Santa so there were gifts under the tree, but not so many. Last year I did great! of course money was tight so I can't really take all the credit. But that was nice, the gifts were well thought out and nothing was left unopened in the corner of the playroom. I also started something last year, the kids have to clean and purge before Christmas. Video games and toys that they have outgrown or don't like get donated.

This year I have found my stride. We are headed to Orlando for the week before Christmas. The only one with more than a couple gifts will be the youngest. He still believes, or he is smart enough not to tell me he doesn't. But even he is getting less. I put very simple, but nice lights outside, cut way back on decorations in the house. This year my siblings and I all decided not to exchange and I told my friends let's not exchange. And you know what? Not only did everyone agree, it's GREAT! I love it, in fact when I walk through Wal Mart and see the crap lining the aisles they are trying to pawn off as great gift ideas, I scoff. There were days I would have snatched those things up..."Just one more small thing"..this year I am smiling thinking of how nice it is to be stress free, and counting down the days till i feel the warm Florida sun on my face.

Christmas can be anything YOU want it to be, I see that now. It doesn't feel empty or fake without gifts and crap everywhere. For us it's spending time relaxing and enjoying all the fruits of the months of hard work, together, as a family.

and just where the hell do you think you've been?

my answer is long and drawn out and, quite frankly, goes completely against my decision to avoid the bad joojoo. so i will give the brief list of excuses

• my car had a run in with a majestic (albeit very large) creature of the woods. completeing my vehicular accident tri fecta, for what i can only hope, is the rest of my life. it also transformed me from just a chic who had a couple accidents this year, to a murderer.
• my desktop chose to stop connecting to the internet, turning it into a very large and expensive paperweight. i still have the laptop, but don't really like to use it.
• my oldest is serving 6 mos - life for Completely Irresponsible Behavior While Operating a Motor Vehicle. he may get an outside visit for his birthday in February. He may avoid the max, which according to the mom rules book, i am entitled to lay upon him because the car is mine, and i pay for the gas and insurance. we'll see how nice he can be
• work got UBER busy at the end of the season. This is actually quite a blessing and I am very thankful for it, the bills can get paid all winter this year. WOOOIE
• i have been a bit of a road warrior, also a good thing. only not so comfortable because rental cars just suck. I took advantage of the first time in recent memory i did not have a kid playing post season football and ran amuck. it was fun, lets just say Thanksgiving weekend? yeah, I was strolling on the beach.

so in between, killing deer, grounding kids, travelling near and far, and work, i was also just a wee bit down in the dumps. and lazy. i really hate this time of year. not Christmas, just winter. the sun is out all of 30 seconds a week, it gets cold, and even if it's a warm day, its still cold. i am just one of those people, i need the sun. as of right now i have 9 more winters to get through. then i can bail, not that i'm keeping track or anything.

so we are heading to Orlando in a week (which is a VERY GOOD THING AND I AM SUPER THANKFUL for), and by the time we get home we will be past that magic Dec21 mark. From then on, as most of you know, the days begin to get a wee bit longer. not enough to matter to most people, but it matters to me. so i bide my time, safe in the knowledge the end of this misery will come again. that and the fact my sister now lives a block form the beach, if only she wasn't 6 hours away.

state of me

my complete and utter lack of posting over the last couple weeks may lead you to think i had actually decided to do something, you know, constructive with my time. as if. i can assure you nothing of the sort is going on. i have been in a bit of a funk. and really looking back, it's not been the greatest year. there have been worse, but this one isn't going down as the great and wonderful '06.

in a fit of melancholy i was looking through some old pics, and i found one of my husband and i shortly after we met. we look like a couple of kids, and after the shock wore off, i realized that is exactly what we were. kids. kids who each had such a screwed up childhood (in his case) and young adult hood (as was mine), we thought we knew it all. people our age were still in college, living off mom and dad, spending their money foolishly. we were paying a mortgage and raising a child, soon to be 2 children, and working 60 hours a week. it's a wonder i am a wee bit bitter now.

and it's not that i'm bitter over what other people had, i am bitter over what i didn't even have an opportunity to try. but i look at my hub, and i see in his past, that even i was lucky by his standards. and i realized my oldest is at the age i was when my life changed forever.

i guess the change ahd been in motion for a year or 2 before, but i was young and unaware. if it wasn't on MTV, did it really count? but at the ripe old age of 16 my life was thrown into a tailspin, and my parents true identities surfaced. i and my siblings were tossed into the ugly world that can exist when your parents are more worried about themselves, then they are you. and let me tell you..it can get u g l y .

that moment i was forced into adulthood, ready or not. some of my decisions were bad. i know that now, but i can't go back and change them. i can only move forward and not make the same mistake twice.

and i am moving forward from here one more time. things have been tough around here lately. i am starting to think i have some sort of 8 year curse. every 8 years i am doomed to a year or so hell. but the i look back to 8 years ago, and i realize things aren't so bad this time. i have just gotten a little softer. i should be thankful for that. and i am convinced i have some BAD joo joo following me around. and the only way to shake it, is to stop looking for it.

so this morning when i walked upstairs, i didn't get mad over the pile of shoes, jackets, and bags laying by the door. instead i was thankful my kids are able to walk up those stairs, and go to school, and not be afraid to be careless with their things. children in this country sleep with shoes on, because they fear someone will steal them. that isn't my family, and i am thankful for that. my children will never know the trauma i knew, they will not have to worry if they can make ends meet at 20. and decide which food item they don't need so they can buy diapers.

my husband and i worry that we are doing our kids an injustice by not giving them more responsibility. but then we remember how much that responsibility sucks when you finally do have it, and instead we are proud we have acheived a status in life to have a chance to spoil our kids. and let them be the poeple we weren't at 22, the people they should be. and thats a good thing too.

do you think tom-kat wil have these problems?

You know that scene from Princess Bride....this elegant wedding, dramatic music and the regally dressed priest opens his mouth and out comes "Mawwiage". that is one of the funniest scenes from a movie i have ever seen.

anyway winter is upon us and my marriage turns to mawwiage. when the saying Opposites Attract was created, hubs and i thought we would prove it. now that some of the attratct is gone (cmon its been 16 years), the opposite is still going strong. never is that more obvious than in the winter.

during the rest of the year he is busy with work, so it rears it's little head every once in awhile. the air conditioner debate that will never die, the "I don't care how little the car is it is more comfortable than taking your mommy SUV" lie that he continues to live by. and my favorite, the "But the lady at the bank said we had that much money in the checking account" theory. I have solved that one, I opened another account and put money into it as soon as checks go out, then he can zero us out with no fear.

but now it is winter, that lovely time of year when there is no work, just the 2 of us sitting around ALL freakin day, looking at each other. and it gets UGLY. he is a night owl, i am in bed by 10. he is an internet x box 360 junkie, i prefer a good book. he goes to bed every. damn .night .and leaves the tv up so loud that i wake up at 5 am and think sigourney weaver is sitting next to me fighting aliens. i HATE that. he is eagerly awaiting enough snow to break out the snowmobile. i am wishing it would be 70 and sunny every day, just for once.

and there is nothing to separate us...he NEEDS company every second of the day. my dream is to be deserted on an island for 6 months with nothing but books and water for 100 square miles around. it isn't all bad though, there will come a time mid Jan or so when our hours will never mesh, he will be up until 5 am or so and snooze the day away. wake at 3 play x box with the kids for a bit and head out on his sled (God willing, ok maybe i do wnat some snow), returning at 2 am, at which point i will hopefully be able to sleep through his internet browsing and tv watching.

is it March yet?

i have been on the road ALOT the last week or so, in my travels i overheard this while scanning on the radio....

"The Lord gives us mountains so we may learn to climb"

Lord, thanks for all the climbing lessons, can I learn to sail now?

hail

i am a redskins fan. sometimes it isn't very pretty. some days it seems like it may not be one of the better years. however yesterday's sweet victory was magnified even more by the fact that my husband is a cowboys fan. the look on his face when the flag was thrown for the facemask penalty was priceless. my screams of victory could be heard for miles around .....

the blocked field goal

the facemask

sweet victory

conspiracy theory

this morning on the news, it was reported that Lego expects a shortage of their hottest sets this Christmas season. I don't need to tell any toddler mom how in freaking possible it is to find that Elmo everyone wants this year. I myself fell victim to the XBox 360 craze of last year, umm so why did i feel my kids would simply die if it wasn't under the tree? not sure, but i had people in 3 states looking for it, my sister even almost grabbed one out of someone else cart. ultimately i failed because i could not see paying 3 times over retail on Ebay for the damn thing.

here's what i have to wonder.....who do these toy companies think they are fooling?

i mean it's not like Christmas jumps up and surprises them. hmm nope it's Dec 25th again this year.

nothing pisses me off more than when they do this, i remember my mom, myself and one of her friends, lining up at 5 am one Saturday in Dec 1984 or so, for Cabbage Patch. and women fighting over them at toys r us. i was scarred for a long time over that one. we walked out with one, and paid some guy in the parking lot $75 for another one.

and I swear they do it on purpose, "let's not release enough for demand, and tell everyone we expect a shortage. woohoo they'll sell like hotcakes until Easter" meanwhile some poor inventory clerk is falling over Elmos somewhere.

attn toy people I AM ON TO YOU

I myself only fell victim one other year, Power Rangers back in 93 or so, my oldest LOVED the power rangers. i was "new" to Christmas and got suckered. this was before Ebay ( gar was there ever such a time?). i was forced to wait and pray and hope, and i got lucky..i hit up an Ames one morning and hit the motherload. i felt like i had won the lottery. Ames will forever hold a special place in my heart for that.

but i gotta go for now...i need to buy some Legos.....

the game

we have a winter ritual around this house. unfortunately it seems to be starting early this year. i like to call this the "You Cannot Touch the Thermostat Without Me Knowing" game. Ok so the name kinda sucks, but I never said i was creative.

my house, being the structural and architectual wonder that is, is actually a mobile home (shoot it's a double wide!) place atop a foundation. we have un upstairs and a downstairs, we just thought it would be cheaper to buy the top half..( an untruth my hubs will hear about until the end of his days). so here's what he did, he built this foundation with the plan of using it for a bedroom and a playroom with a foyer heading into the garage. so far so good, then it came time to bust a hole in the upstairs and put in some stairs, directly under the thermostat.

aannddd the garage is still "not quite finished". does anyone else see where this is going? i mean HELLO??!! we live in the effn frozen tundra. it's COLD here in the winter, and our garage gets cold, and the cold seeps into the house through the door and wanders up the stairs to (you knew all along) The Thermostat.

so the game begins, i, being ever frugal, keep that thermostat down low. if i didn't the heat would kick on incessantly, what with the gale force wind blowing up the stairs. the oldest and my husband seem to feel it needs to be at least 100 degrees in the house at all times, and noone should ever be expected to you know, maybe PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON, i mean it is winter, we all should wander around in shorts and t shirts.

i just can't do it, i can't just run the heat all the time. plus for as much as i like the warm weather, i can't stand when it's hot from the heat. if it's 80 in here in the summer, it's all good. but that is a natural heat, i don't like that icky fake heat.

anyway after i go to bed, without fail, someone will turn the heat up. and at some point in the night, i will wake up, realize the heat is running and come upstairs to turn it down. same thing during the day, if the heat kicks on, i go over and turn it down. it really is a never ending cycle.

but i chuckle at their determination, silly boys will never learn.

she's a looker

because our government tells me that after jan 1, i need to have a passport to go to the bathroom, we took the kids today to get pics done so we can apply for passports.

promise me here and now, if i am ever lost or captured, or whatever it is that happens to nice mommies who , in an effort to remain sane wander off in some strange place in search of quiet, you will NOT let them use the passport pic for the news.

use my drivers license pic, it's much nicer. well at least it doesn't make me look like a very chubby uni bomber..with eddie munster eyebrows.

Happy Birthday

My baby sister today, turns 26. TWENTY SIX, for those of you doing the math, that makes her 10 1/2 years younger than me.

I still have a hard time thinking of her as an adult, even though at her age I was a married mom of 2. I can't think that way. she, thank God, has gained enough wisdom through my mistakes, to remain both single and child free.

I always feel a little guilty, when i think of her. I was horrified when my parents told me she was on the way. Ugh, my firends were going to know my parents had sex???!!!??? ewwwww And there were times during her toddler days when I wanted to throw her at any passing adult, just because at 12, thats how you feel sometimes. But now I'm glad she's around.

I kind of think of her sometimes as my first child, with 3 other kids around, I was her babysitter...constantly. But I learned early on this was my shot, one of my sibs would be cool as hell. The girl knew all the members of Duran Duran before she knew the abc's. And she was my little princess, she wanted the pink fur jacket, and the tea sets, and the pretty dresses. Unlike my other sister, who spent her tween years pretending she was a boy.

One of my best memories was taking her to see New Kids on The Block. She was so excited, she screamed through the entire show, and made me proud by not lowering decibels, not even once.

She amazes me, she has her faults. We all do, but she turned out pretty damn great considering what her life was like. She had been through more at 7, than I ever could have imangined at her age. She never knew the normal family I had when I was her age, and she survived. My other sister and I had each other. My brothers and her had a lot of shiznit to deal with, and they all turned out to be so great...I'd like to think I am to thank, but really I'm not.

I am sometimes in awe of her abilities, she is so confident and sure of herself. I wish I had a 10th of her hutzpah. I really do. Whatever that girl attempts, gets DONE, it's amazing. So Nance..here's to ya....even if I forget to call you later, because someone has too much homeowrk or something...Happy Birthday, I love you!

1 of 2

I have a longer post I want to try to squeeze in later. It is my baby sister's birthday after all. But I just heard a commercial that made me laugh.

Because I am a freak, I listen to Hawaiian radio channels sometimes (i swear only 1 or 2 days a week, SWEAR) on the internet. So anyway, I just heard a commercial for affordable 3 and 4 bedroom homes starting in the low......400's.

Garr, gives me a whole new respect for property values round here....

the healing begins

we weren't able to pull out a win, but the game meant more to my son (28) and his friend (55) than anyone really knew. his friend's regular # is 53, his brother wore 55 when he played. so he wore his brothers #, and everyone had a 55 on their helmets. and i cried when they hugged. and i know that they are helping each other in a way i might never understand.

junk

ok here is a quick random, in no order whatsoever of what all has been going on.

I got my car back!!!! YEAHH, of course it was done last friday, they called at 3:45 to tell me it was finished. BUT they closed at 4:30 and i couldn't get there until Monday to get it.

on saturday my oldest claims he had "no brakes" , and hit a guardrail, and then had a tire blowout.

on Sunday my middle guy had the best game of his short football career.

also on saturday my hub took the kids out to buy "a weight set", they came home with 7 boxes of contraptions that looks like it belongs in an NFL weight room.

they decided to put it together in the middle of our living area. not exactly the look i am going for.

we realized our shower has been leaking and now the rug needs to be replaced.

it is officially winter, 3 days of those neverending snow showers. and nary a day above freezing.

tommorrow for our last football game of the season, they are calling for rain turning to snow. same for saturday, which is our trick or treat night. woo hoo a weekend in the rain.

i am taking the month of Novemeber, and getting all those 1/2 projects in my house DONE..once and for all. already got the garage done.

7 weeks until we leave for Orlando...yeah.

this also means 8 weeks until Christmas...just what you needed to see.

ah yes, youngest has a spelling test tommorrow that will most likely be disappointing. not only are the words difficult, but the test is mere minutes before the Halloween party and parade. that is just asking for disaster.

why God? WHY?

have a good weekend.......

a break from the maudlin

my youngest is understandably frustrated by being not just the youngest, but the littlest. he longs to be older, stronger and of course...bigger. i have an archway into the kitchen, where i mark the kids growth. until, as was the case with the oldest...i couldn't reach anymore :).

this morning was probably the 10th day in a row, i have caught the youngest checking himself against his last mark. shoes on, shoes off, hair flat, hair unkempt. he is just too darn cute.

so i told him this morning to stop being in such a hurry to grow up. and he told me he had to get bigger before the oldest moved out so he could kick his butt. sweet brotherly love

still here

actually ALOT has been going on around here lately. however every time i write something it feels frivolous. the person who died on saturday was my oldest sons, best friend's, brother. and my son is having a very hard time dealing with it. the worst thing is, i don't know how to make him feel better.

i can give him hugs and tell him it's ok to feel how he feels, but the timeline of events surrounding this persons death are complicated as well, for both my son and his friend. and my son feels almost guilty sometimes. not that either of them were in any way involved, it's just too much to put down here.

keep my son in your thoughts, and prayers if you are so inclined, as well as his friend's family. we have 2 nights of viewings ahead of us and a funeral on thurs. it's going to be a long week for him.

a woman i know lost one of her children early this morning. he was only 21. the one thing she keeps saying is she wishes she could tell him one more time how much she loves him. hug your kids extra hard tonight, give them one extra kiss, read them one more story. call them and tell them how important they are to you. you won't regret it.

he's a man

so to say...my middle guy turns 13 today. he is the spitting image of his dad, but the rest is just like his mom. he is my peace between the 2 storms i call oldest and youngest. he is so smart, sometimes he freaks me out. and most importantly he taught me that there was enough love in me to split between all the children i would have.

Happy Birthday!!!!

POTTER

remember a week or so ago, when I said i was going to read the Stand? well turns out i never did. when i went to grab it, my eyes wandered to another book that was waiting patiently for me, Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix.

when the Harry Potter books first came out, i chuckled over the adults who read them. when the movies came out i took my kids, and i enjoyed them, i really did. but i still couldn't see myself sitting down to read them. after the last movie, The Goblet of Fire, I was hooked. i couldn't wait to find out what happened next. so i waited a month or so for paperback , and grabbed what i thought was the next installment. turns out i grabbed the wrong one. thankfully i figured this out within 30 pages. grabbed the right book and looked at it for about 6 months.

i finally finished it last night, i have to say i'm impressed. it was a really good book. God the older i get the more of a hypocrite i turn my old self into. so anyway i'm now real glad i was so brain dead as to buy the wrong book at first, casue now i'm all ready to dig into The Half Blood Prince......and when someone asks me what i'm doing i will still say..."reading that stupid Harry Potter book".

welcome Charlie

During the summer we had a skittish nighttime visitor to our house. he was known simply as "the gray cat". he would sneak in late at night have some cat food, and on occasion doze in a chair. but as soon as he heard anyone come near him, he would scurry out the door. summer turned to fall and we would notice "the gray cat" in the garage, again as soon as anyone came near...away he would run. as the nights grew chillier and i stopped leaving the door cracked for the cats i would put some food out on the deck or in the garage. i was really worried about the poor gray cat, soon winter would come and everything would be shut up tight at night.

i should have known, 2 nights with no house/garage access and "the gray cat" decided maybe he could stand us after all. in he wandered (with some encouragement) one evening. within 24 hours he was snuggled up next to the youngest at bed time. he's still a little skittish, and there is a HUGE turf war going on with the other 2 cats. but he's decided we're worthy of him, so we named him Charlie.

beware the evil germ

has anyone else seen this series on the Today show? for the last few weeks they have been testing everyday places for germs. schools, grocery stores, gyms, airports and hotels...things we use frequently.

every time they bring out these swabs and petri dishes, scream in horror over water stains on ceilings. EVERY thing shows some kind of germ, this could cause the runs, this one could cause the flu, this one could make your head spin, or your arm fall off. ARRRGGGGHHHH

guess what? GERMS ARE EVERYWHERE, this isn't news. germs have always been everywhere. and 99.9% of human beings have the ability to resist these germs and our bodies naturally fight them. just because the stacchioplibicloty (or whatever the hell they find) could cause the runs, doesn't mean it will instantly send you screaming for the nearest germ ridden public toilet, squeezing for dear life.

of course even if you make it to the toilet, the festival of disease waiting for you there will probably land you in ICU. i can't stand it anymore.

things like this series, are turning americans into the most neurotic people on earth. seriously, other cultures are laughing at us. it isn't just the germs, it's everything. our media outlets have become the be all end all of doom sayers. even the freakin weather channel with their "It could happen tommorrow". ok yes a major hurricane could hit NYC and destroy our financial hub. but really what are the chances?

i am not a dirty person, except on the occasional "no shower Sunday" (patent pending), but i am not afraid to flush a public toilet, and i don't freak out if i have to wipe my kids nose before i can completely sanitize my hands. i am not afraid to eat a rare steak, and sometimes the 5 second rule does apply. i do not bring my own blankets to a hotel or wash the sheets that are on the hotel bed before i sleep on them. i go barefoot at every possible opportunity, and i am still alive, after 36 years. wow

do not take a drink

because you will spit it all over your monitor. omg...check out the rest of these 2 guys videos, some of them will make you howl

Nobody's Watching OK Go

did i piss off a gypsie?

i am not an overly lucky person. fortunate? yes. lucky? no. some people wonder the difference, i don't win 50/50's, i am NEVER in the right place at the right time, in order for me to "come out even" requires a series of cosmic events seen less frequently than hailey's comet. but it's ok, i'm used to it. i am not going to win that great vacation, but it's ok because i am fortunate enough to be able to pay for it every couple of years.

so i have accepted this about my life for many years now. lately though, i am thinking i may be jinxed. the other night it was raining ...and getting cold. it was also trash night. so the kids took the trash out in the cold rain and came in. i noticed a few minutes later there was a bag on the back deck. because i am so effn sick of picking up trash that the critters have been throwing across the yard all summer, i decided to just bring it up myself.

threw on my flip flops and a hoodie and went out, recovered the grill, picked up some random socks and sweats that had been left out over the weekend. grabbed the garbage and was oh so happy that the last few minutes had been productive. the air felt good, the rain had let up, i was looking forward to getting my heart pumping for a couple minutes. and.......

proceeded to slip down about 7 of my hard wood front stairs. luckily, my back broke my fall. it seems wearing flip flops on slippy stairs in the dark, maybe wasn't the greatest idea. here's the worst part, the garbage bag i was carrying smacked me in the head. it wasn't enough i was laying unable to catch my breath, pain searing up my spine and arms, a bag of garbage has to whack me in the head?!!? come on

i sat there for a minute catching my breath, wiggling my toes, water seeping into my jeans and hoodie, and throwing the dam trash off myself. walked up the traitor stairs back into the living room....where all 3 of my kids look at me and say "What was that noise?" (!!!!!!!!!) lucky for them it was an effort just to breathe at the minute.

i STILL managed to find a ray of light in all this, yesterday i woke up, anticipating pain in every limb. shockingly enough only my back hurts, and only on the outside where it's bruised. which means i am in pretty damn good shape ...thankyouverymuch, AND i had had a kink in my neck for a couple days before, seems the tumble worked the kink out. of course so would a massage, but i gotta take it where i can get it.

I loved this song long before it became the rice krispies tune. and the pics are nice too.....


Somewhere Over the Rainbow

old and crazy

as fates would have it, we never made it up to see the baby this weekend. middle guy got sick on the way up. i didn't want a) him yakking in the car or needing to stop every 20 seconds or b) the baby being exposed to anything, so we headed home, after just 90 minutes of travel. and my skins lost, there are 4 games i desperately want them to win every year, the 2 games v. dallas, and the 2 v. the giants. so far they are 0 for 2 against both teams now. i am bummed.

during my tavel on Sat night, my little mind got to working. being saturday night, the radio was chock full o hair metal. a few years ago it was 80's flashback, and before that super 70's. when i was young and oh so naive, i remember sitting on the porch with my mom, who was listening to Wolfgang Jack spin some golden oldies, and what did i say? i said what all the rest of us said. I will NEVER listen to oldies.

now i know they aren't labeled as "oldies" any longer, but really where's the difference? and whose idea was it to make those of us past the age of 25 be reminded of just how long ago it was when this was in the top 10? am i not feeling crappy enough that my saturday nights now consist of running my kids, doing laundry, and falling into bed exhausted after a day of errands that cannot be done during the week. i need to be reminded i am now older than dirt because Bon Jovi's Shot through the heart was "their break out hit 20 years ago"? do i need that? really

i didn't think so either.

you will have to excuse me if i am MIA a bit this week. i was browsing an Amazon thing yesterday and saw what i need to do. i need to read The Stand. i have already read it at least 15 times, but it's one of those books, when i feel the urge i gotta do it, and i will not rest until i fall comfortably into that familiar story i love so much. nor will i sleep, or cook, or probably even shower at least 2 of the days. it's how i get once i start that book. and i cannot bring myself to buy a new one, i replaced my first copy when the complete uncut version came out, and that is the one i have to read. even though the pages are most likely going to fall out this time around, i just have to read MY copy. (don't ask, cause i have no clue what is wrong with me)

so enjoy if you have the same glorious weather i do today and tommorow, sorry if you don't, and la di da for you if you always have it. cause they are calling for snow this weekend in my neck of the woods. so i will be on the deck reading today, because i wasn't supposed to be here anyway.

hi ho, hi ho

ok, so i've been a little down in the dumps lately. (ya think?) but really you know how sometimes you cruise through and everything is going sweet, than BAM. you hit the brick wall. i guess the past few months of headache are payback for my hawaiian summer of bliss last year. which at the time i was enjoying mai tais at sunset, i thought i was finally reaping reward for years of hard work. guess i was wrong. either way life moves forward.

soo problems are hoping to be resolved, a new accountant is on the way. (oh yeah, THOSE kind of problems) and i have made a decision. i am taking the boys to orlando for Christmas. that i will enjoy, and am looking forward to. the youngest was only 4 the last time i was there, and i wanted one more trip with him, before he gets too old. so instead of overloading on gifts, that will inevitably end up in the trash by next years spring cleanup, we are taking a trip. plus when we went last time youngest couldn't swim with the dolphins at Discovery Cove, so now it's his time.

i came to this decision once and for all in a fit of delirium yesterday, because it wasn't enough my financial life was spiralling to nether land, God saw fit to strike me with a bout of 36 hr stomach bug that almost killed me. and the unfortunate decison to eat taco bell a couple short hours before it hit. you can only imagine, or maybe you choose not to.

so off i go to use my credit from the missed wedding to book me some airfare, and clean my house. you can picture what a house that was left to my 4 men looks like, after just one short day of incapacitation on my part. it's BAD, haven't they lived with me long enough to know once the garbage starts to spill over it's time to put it out? and they all know how to do laundry, i guess it's just easier to find something "kinda" clean. oh well. ready for a weekend of football, and going to see my nephew on Sunday....CAN"T WAIT!!!

have a good weekend

how to deal....

whoa, seems i hit bottom yesterday. i spent the day detailing my son's car (read avoiding everything), and cursing my MIL who had used it for the last 6 months, it seems she never got around to getting an oil change, ever vacuuming it, and i believe may have smoked a pack a day in the car, and must have opened 458736 packs of smokes in it, because i could have rolled an entire carton with all the loose stuff i found, in between spilling coffee...EVERYWHERE.

plus i ate about 35 jillion calories, because i figured why the hell am i trying to live longer? bring on the heart attack... and without going into too much detail, i can assure you when i retrieved the mail last night at 8 pm, it spiraled even lower. i am hoping it cannot get any worse. soooo..

one issue will be resolved today, one way or another. the rest i can handle. i am going to the gym to beat up some stuff and coming home to deal with my crap.

i quit

this is how i try to envision my life













this is my reality



















now if i were an optimist i would say "be thankful you have had the gifts you have been given". given the last 2 months i am way more inclined to say "for this i work my ass off?" some days i just wish wish wish wish wish i would wake up and have things sorted out. i wish i had a me to call when things aren't going well and let them figure it out for me. you know, like i do for half the freakin world? my damn husband included. so anyway the tale behind the pictures..the first is my la la land, there's diamond head in the background, and there i am standing on my lanai taking a pic at sunset. only i NEVER have to leave. the second is what my car looks like after some ass drove into the back of me because i did not get out of his way quick enough, then didn't even stop until he was cornered at a construction site. who told the cops he had a diabetic shock. i am gonna diabetic shock him.

enter the insurance company, first they try to tell me they aren't sure if it can be covered because i was driving home from "work". i explained i do NOT use the vehicle for work, we merely took it to the place where work was being done that day. finally i said well you have my commercial policy too, so which one are we putting it on. then they ask why was my husband in the car? ummm because he was. (long story behind that but i guess you are not allowed to carry unlicensed people in your vehicle?!!?) am i sure i was driving? yeah i'm pretty damn sure, but let's check with the flagger the other guy almost hit when he tried to storm through the construction site. she had a great view of me when she jumped out of his way toward me. $500 deductible? i have to pay it, if i want i can sue the guy personally for it (umm and probably never see it), but they can't ask his insurance for it. oh yeah and we have this great deal for you all you need to do is bring your vehicle to one of our authorized repair places leave it with them and you don't need to be bothered again until the car is done. sounds reasonable, only they forgot to tell me said repair shop will be closed next week, they are moving. so my car probably won't be back for 3 weeks.

however before i went to the repair shop this morning, my MIL called. now i haven't filled you in on her lately. 2 weeks ago she decided she did not want to be here anymore. so she, her hub and my neice moved away. she had this big plan, and basically told my hub "thanks for nothing" when he wasn't able to lend her the amount of $$ she needed right that minute. so she packed up and left, left us with her trailer to clean out, left 3 broken vehicles in the back for us to get rid of, left a ton of crap in our barn for us to get rid of. stuck us for an employee, becuase her hub worked for us, stuck us with $700 in unpaid electric bills. AND took one of our vehicles she was supposed to pay for. she called this morning to ask if her hub could collect unemployment "just for 2 weeks" until they find work. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH she is 4 hours away and STILL asking for money.

oh yeah and i got home yesterday between the accidnet and the insurance there is an IRS letter sent certified waiting for me to pick up.

i need a drink

they say i HAVE to love him

my oldest asks me: "Do you know where the tweezers are?"

i look at him, he glances toward my eyebrows and says:

"Oh i guess you don't"

IN Style

i went to macy's yesterday. i was looking for an (ahem) undergarment of sorts to kinda nip and tuck where neccesary. i got the cutest "slim" sweater last spring on clearance and in order to ever wear it sitting down i needed some help.

i walked into the lingerie dept and was approached by "her", you know the woman who has to come up and ask you if you need any help. i was browsing the "miraclesuit", think wonderbra with iron rods down the middle, and there she was. i turned around and wanted to shrink into myself.

there she stood, all 85 pounds of her. HELLO? could you put her in juniors where she can relate, puhlease. i honest -to -God looked over at this woman and laughed...OUT LOUD. and said well i am looking for something along these lines. i don't know if she was offended that i laughed, or disgusted that i was trying to play games with nature, but she would not have been considered friendly. or maybe she was just hungry. she walks to a couple racks, and points out the different brands, types etc and mentions the current promotion. i ask her "do you know which is more comfortable?"

she manages to look down on me, even though she is not even 5 ft tall, clicks and says "No, I don't". so me being ever witty say "well obviously, you have no need for them, but which sells better". shit, she barely needed a bra. she points to the fitting room and says i am welcome to try it on if i keep my undergarments on. gee thanks. i thought i'd go into the fitting room and go all crazy in their underwear and put it right back on the rack. eeewwww. i may be chubby, but i am not nasty...witch.

i bought a flexees thing, hopefully i will have success. $45 so i can wear a $10 Polo sweater, maybe. some days i question my logic. on the plus side guess whats back "in" this fall? with the rash of nasyt 80's fashions making a comeback, there is a silver lining. BIG sweaters, yeah baby. remember those awesome Limited sweaters from high school? break em out girls..they're baaack. and don't forget your ballet flats....

marital bliss

ever wonder what might run through your head if you were awakened at 2:30 AM, by the tap tap tapping of your husband on the laptop...in bed? (who says romance is dead?)

you will imagine slamming his head with said laptop, then have a mental picture of him running around forever with the laptop closed over his head. if nothing else that image will make you smile. it's way fun, try it once.

blech..scuse me. i'll be back soon. i am sick and whiny. if you caught either of the 2 posts i wrote then deleted. you already know that. there is a lot of negative stuff going on right now, and it has me bummed. and writing it out only makes it worse. but this makes me smile....be back with flowers and sunshine soon.

it's hard to be humble

when you've got such a looker for a kid, doesn't he clean up good? and his g/f is a cutie too, a cutie who closed her eyes for both pics

too busy to think of a title

but i had to jot this down, i've got lots to tell ya later. (i know you'll be on pins and needles waiting....)

did you ever wonder what happens if, say for example, when you start pumping gas the price reads $2.39, and while you are pumping they change the price to $2.35? let me ease your mind, you pay the higher price, but if you make a stink they give you a free coffee.

seeing as i only paid about 40 cents more for gas, i actually saved 60 cents. woohoo, go me.

got bit in the arse

throughout my life, i have listened to all genres of music. as a wee girl i danced to the bee gees, and mimicked mick jagger (quite well i might add). i fell for duran duran, and did the teeny bopper thing. became a hair metal chic, BEFORE headbangers ball. would chill out to kenny g. you name it, i listened. to anything EXCEPT country.

i could stands for no country. it made my ears turn black, and i would hack up a lung if forced to listen to it. sourtheren rock? no problem...johnny cash? problem. i even mocked a friend of mine who "turned" country, after she and her hub began taking 2 step classes in the early 90's. unfortunately i mocked them to my hub, who has also been the recepient of ridicule over his ability to tolerate the c & w.

so i don't need to tell you what comes next, do i? i can't help it. i fell for it. shania twain singing her heart out did it first. and every once in a while i wouldn't hit the seek button quick enough and not hate the next song so much. it was the beginning of the end. but it's fun, usually. it makes me laugh and cry. and sometimes i think, "wow i could be THAT guy, life ain't so bad" it makes me tap my toes, and sing out loud.

i managed to hide this affair from my hub and kids for quite some time. i knew the ridicule would be never ending. i even hid a shania twain cd in a kidz bop case so noone, but the kid who couldn't read would ever find it. i was doing ok....then it happened. the pressure was too much. scanning past songs i wanted to sing, pretending i didn't want to go see brooks and dunn last year. i cracked, a couple months ago hub and i were in the car, that song "1970 something" was on. i had to stop and listen, i tried to pretend like i just liked THAT song. but "live like you were dying" came on after, and i was toast.

it hasn't stopped yet...

hub in a girlie voice (which i do not have): "i haaaate country music" , "country music is sooo gay", "can you believe people listen to that?", "i'll NEVER listen to country"

and my personal fav......"you are such a redneck geek"...but it was deserving when i said it. little did i know my wit would be used agianst me one day.

fear not i did attempt to put the blame on him....he moved me to this God forsaken neck of the woods, where there is sometimes nothing else to listen to. plus HIS kids have completely taken over the cds in the car. leaving me not much option when forced to drive FOR WORK, hour after hour after hour. if he would have gotten me sirius sooner this never would have happened. it was listen to country or go insane from the silence.

i am hoping the novelty of making me eat crow wears off this decade. i'm thinking it might not.

who needs a calender

this was all i needed to see.....in a month, that blob of green would be snow. and anyone who knows lake effect snow, knows that blob. if that were not enough, this morning here is where i found the cat ....snuggled up on the rag bag in the utility room, you know the room that houses the furnace AND the dryer. she may not be too smart, but she remebers the warmest spot in the house. and has staked her claim early.

spelling test update

you know that spelling test from friday? we got it home yesterday. his estimate of "maybe 2 wrong" was a little off. 10 out of 19....for a boomin 58% oh yeah.

the worst part, that isn't his lowest grade ever on a spelling test. last year a 40% was acheived. woohoo

why do they even need spelling? computers have spell check? wish me luck this week....

and lets just get it out in the open

i know, i know , i know. my 'Skins are lettin me down. i am really pisssed. and if Joe Gibbs stumbles upon this blog i just want to say.....

WTF?????!!!!!! i don't care how much Al Saunders cost....if he can't call the plays to win the game, give him the boot. AAARRRRGGGGGG...my dreams of post season are diminishing....QUICKLY

the Amish are coming

the Amish people from down the road stopped by this weekend. they asked their what is becoming an annual fall question. did we mind if they came to pick the apples and pears from our trees. my answer was what it has been in the past. "go right ahead"

i am very conflicted in my feelings for the Amish people. not to say they ever mean harm to anyone. they're quiet and quaint. and i LOVE the sound of their horse and buggies, (but not to be stuck behind them when i'm running late) esp on a Sunday when one of them is having a shindig. they go down the road in front in the morning, and straggle out all day. it always amazes me how many there can be some weekends. we chuckle at the guy who leaves last, after dark with the lanterns on the front.

the first year they asked about the trees, i figured they would get maybe 20 bushels. i only have like 8 trees a couple are half dead. and i didn't care if they took them. one less thing i have to avoid with the lawnmower. our trees are old and the fruit is small, occasionally i'll grab a couple pears if they look good. but usually they fall and are critter food for winter.

was i wrong....they FILLED 2 entire flat buggies. i had no idea how much was on these trees. i never felt like such a lazy spoiled person in my life. one afternoon of work and they had gotten enough fruit to last their family most of the winter. which is where my complex feelings come into play. are they trying to be smug?

i mean really, do they look down on us, laugh at us, or are they truly as grateful as they appear. do they honestly think of us as their neighbors? or is it all a scam? do they intend to make us feel lazy and spoiled, or are they as pure as the image appears.

i know alot of the Amish in some parts of the country really milk it. like they can't have a phone in the house, but they put one in a shed in the yard. and some are loaded. some have more money than they could spend in a lifetime. but the people around here are as true to the beliefs as is possible in todays world, and they work hard. but i work hard too , so why do i feel like they view me as "lesser" than they are, simply because i have conveniences?

i know a family who left the Amish just recently. one day i am going to get the nerve up to ask. until then i'll smile and wave, and wonder.

looking forward to Monday..

seriously, all week i kept saying i couldn't wait until friday, really just get me to monday. i don't know what i was thinking. there is football tonight, tommorrow i have to get oldest to school by 8:30..for what else? football, when he is done with that i have to take him shopping for a suit to wear to a wedding next weekend. but that needs to be finished and i have to be on the road to the younger 2 football games by 3:00. which i won't get home from until 9 at the earliest. sunday we have a basket raffle for midget football, 10 am until probably 4.

PLUS i feel like the worst mother on earth right now, youngest just was not getting his spelling words this week. we have written them, sung them, chanted them. spelled them over and over and over. i honestly don't know what more i could have done. today is his test and i have a BAD feeling about it. and i hate sending him out feeling like he is unprepared. but i did the best i could. keep your fingers crossed, this one could be ugly.

hey and have a nice weekend.....someone may as well.

a little Jeopardy this evening

I'll take Brain Dead for $200 Alex....

the answer is : 376

the question : How many times will i go to the store and forget to buy a new can opener?

legends debunked

if you reside in PA, you may have heard of the parallel parking myth. this legend has been passed down from person to person over the years. rumor has it that when taking your road test you are given 3 attempts to parallel park.

i took the oldest for his road test today, and let me assure you...there is no truth to this myth. and my house has the same # of licensed drivers as it did yesterday. :( poor guy, but it's his own dam fault. he didn't want to practice last night..he was sure you got 3 tries. lesson learned.

************

long as i'm talking about him, i gotta tell you how proud he made me the other day. yes he irritates and belittles his brothers constantly. and has on occasion made me consider hard drugs, but there is another side. he has a starting role for the one defense they run on varsity. generally once you start either side of the ball it is assumed you will not play JV. the coaches asked him to play JV, he was disgusted. in truth it was more like they needed him. he is a good kicker and punter, and they wanted him to continue to get reps on offense. and he is hardly the only jr or sr on JV.

so i play mom, and say to him..."just go play, have fun. you aren't going to get any offensive play on varsity this year, you may as well" so we went to the game on Monday. ok first of all he did great, caught a td, ran for a couple first downs. and i could see he was having fun, laughing, screwing with coaches and so on. he wasn't playing any d, and after every series he would take the time to talk to the underclassmen and explain to them what went right or help them fix their errors. once he was getting a reverse, and he was OPEN. it was 6, but the qb (a freshman) let go too soon. my son walked up to him after the play, expalined what went wrong and patted him on the helmet. he can be a good kid after all.

Writing in Math

this was an actual problem on my 3rd graders homework. MATH homework....

Writing In Math

all the numbers in 8,999 are greater than all the numbers in 24,205. explain in words why 24,205 is the larger number.

my youngest never being one to be flustered says.. "Ummm, because God made it that way"

no wonder he has so much trouble with some school work. what the hell stupid waste of time is that question?

ok maria...move on already

i know, i know...today is sept 12, and it's time to move on. believe me i have other things i was debating writing about. like it's a good thing the giants and cowboys also lost this weekend, or how proud i am of my oldest right now. but in rereading my sept 11 post, i realized there is more i need to say.

i am angry

yes, i went to bed that horrible night and thanked God that myself, and everyone i loved were safe and sound. i was thankful for the fact that i had lived to the ripe old age of 31, before i knew that kind of fear or terror. there are children in the world who have this in their lives every day. i was proud to be an American, and i wouldn't let a terrorist take that away. EVER...but my eyes were opened

even someone as jaded and hard hearted as myself, had become all warm and cozy. maybe that scared me more than anything. while i am not going to be a member of some "society", where all things government are evil. i am no longer all smiles and sunshine.

in the months that followed, as more and more information came out, and it was inarguably proven that 9/11 should never had been allowed to happen, my discontent grew. and i feel that way to this day. while i am very lucky to be an american with all the priveleges we are afforded, i am also very wary. and very angry.

my sept 11 story began on memeorial day of 2001 and most likely came to a close the following june. we were all hearing about advanced security, things like this would never be allowed to happen again. our government was doing everything to save us from the evils of the world. but were they?

in june of 02 i took the kids to Disney world. departing from orlando intl airport i stood in line with 3 sunburned children. dressed in disney apparel, laden with mounds of disney crap. even had a disney suitcase that i had been forced to purchase to lug some of it home. i watched warily as several single men checked in for my flight, some with nothing more than a small checked bag, or carry on breif case. it was something we all did in the first year or so after. i also looked over to the side where the "security" was supposedly watching for individuals they felt needed extra screening. who was chosen for the screening? you got it....me.

this was not the random "you're ticket was selected" screening, this was an actual security officer trying to determine who looked most at risk. this was a joke. the more i thought about it the angrier i got. they were not trying to find terrorists, they were just trying to make it look like they were.

i will never forget the victims of sept 11, i will never forget the fear. and i will never let go of that discontent.

(and i promise to move forward :) )

Sept 11th, 2001

my Sept 11 story actually starts in May of 2001. we had taken the kids to NYC for Memorial day weekend. we stayed in the hotel located in the WTC, i think it was a sheraton, but i can't remember for sure now. we took the kids to the observation deck one day, but it was overcast and you couldn't see much. we also went to the Statue of Liberty, and i had wanted to take a pic of the kids with the skyline i loved so much in the background. but it was a dreary day and you couldn't even see an inkling of Manhattan. next time i said to myself, i'll get the picture next time.

Sept 11, itself was a beautiful day here. the older2 kids were at school and we had taken the youngest out to a field to tag some trees. (we wholesale trees) i got a text on my phone from a friend informing me a plane had hit the WTC. assuming it was a small commuter plane or something, i said almost jokingly to my hub, "Can you believe a plane could hit the WTC?" we wondered how you could make such an error. a few minutes later our phones rang almost simaltaneously, his mom, my dad. his mom was telling him another plane had hit, my dad asking me did i know where my sister was (at the time her job had her travelling ALOT, and she always connected through Logan). they both told us it was bad. the second plane had hit on live tv. it was looking like it was intentional.

not being ones to panic, even we were getting nervous. and i couldn't get through any longer on my cell to try to make sure my sister was not in the air. so many of us heard those words that day...."Circuits are busy" we quickly finished up, gave instructions to the guys and got into the car. just as we were pulling away we heard that the Pentagon had also been hit. it was then that we knew, this was bad. a few minutes later, i remember i was turning the corner at 210 and 422, we were informed that one of the towers had fallen. i felt sick inside that the city i loved so much had been changed forever.

it was a 45 minute drive back home, and at one point we heard a breif blurb that actually mattered more to us than anything else. a plane had been reported to have crashed in sw PA. that is when panic took over. Where? When? How? trying frantically to get throught to anyone whose phone #s we knew. we live 25 miles from Shanksville. that was the hardest part, making it that last 20-25 minutes until we got home and saw for ourselves it had not been our town, or our children's school.

got the kids from school, and as reports were coming in that the plane had been from Logan i worried about my sister. she usually flew to Seattle and she usually flew Northwest, i didn't think she was going to be away that week, but i wasn't satisfied until i finally heard from my step mom around noon that my sister had gotten through to them and she was safe.

later in the afternoon there was a noise that broke the eerie silence that surrounded us. it was a sound i will never forget. unmistakably the sound of approaching military helicopters. i made an excuse for the kids to come sit next to me and waited. i can honestly say i was never, nor have i ever been so freightened in my life. i didn't know where they were coming from, i could only hear them. finally i saw them and realized what they were. they were flying so low i thought they might land on the roof. that for me, was what i will always remember about that day. and i hope to never feel so terrified again.

in the days that followed we watched CNN until we couldn't see. we couldn't sleep or even think straight. but gradually life resumed and we carried on. i was sitting on my deck one night after air travel resumed and saw a plane in the sky. when i saw that plane i realized my life had been changed forever. i would never see that sight the same way again.

I for one will "Never Forget"

hooky

being self employed AND a stay at home mom has alot of advantages. when i need to be mom, i don't have to call in to work, and my schedule is usually what i make it to be. while my job title runs something like bookkeeperofficemanagerpayrollclerkerrandrunner etc (you get the idea), if i were to do it efficiently (i tried that once...yuck), it would take me approximately 10 hours every week. not exactly oppressive.

ever since the youngest started school all day i started to feel like i should be doing more. i feel guilty if i'm sitting doing nothing in the middle of the day. so i try to keep busy. doing things for school, around the house whatever. so today i woke up and began thinking of all the things i "needed" to get done today. i even decided to forego the gym, i figured i would rather accomplish more around the house in that 90 minutes.

just as i'm about to get started on tearing apart the room i just moved my office out of, my hub calls. just to say hi , oh and they're going fishing today. WHOA, am i a moron? why am i worried about getting payroll done, starightening the new office, catching up on some bookkeeping, and ripping out carpet. while he is going fishing??!!?? WHY?? i ask you...why?

so i did what a smart girl would do....

got a shower got dressed, even put on makeup. got in the good car (not my suv, the sports car), put the top down and went shopping. not just shopping, oh no...i went shopping for NOTHING. i didn't need anything, i was just looking maybe for some shoes. went to bed bath and beyond and bought stuff for the new bathrooms, went to Michaels and got some crafty things, went to lunch with a friend who lives by the mall. and we had (gasp) wine ...WITH LUNCH. then we went shoe shopping together.

and do you know what? it was awesome. and i got home and payroll was still there and filing can be done later, and i hadn't even missed any calls. take that.

and tonite at the oldest's football game...we're tailgating. something hub never wants to do, because he is so anti social. you'll recognize me...i'm wearing my new shoes.

PROOF

i have felt like the only adult in my house for years now. yesterday i got the proof i needed. while waiting in Charlotte for his connecting flight to Hilton head who misses his plane?.....Because he lost track of time playing poker online!!!!!! point, set match

enter at your own risk

today is the day my hub left for his cousin's wedding. oh yeah you might remember, it's in Hilton Head, on the beach. parties with friends from years ago. and i was going to go, but things just didn't work out. too much was going on at school for the kids, and my sister could only come a couple days. plus she does have alot on her plate at work right now. and i had noone but my MIL to cover for the time she wouldn't be here. the last time i attempted to leave my MIL in charge was the last. so make a long sob story short, hubs just left for the beach and here i sit.

garrrr i am bummed. i wanted to go more than he does. he has no choice though, he's in the wedding. soooo the point of all this? oh yeah the POINT....

beware.... i promised myself i would use this time to get a lot of my little half finished projects, DONE. so if i don't make an appearance over the next couple of days hopefully it means i am busy busy busy, painting, cleaning and moving furniture. going to open house at 3 schools, and football on fri night and sat evening. catching an awesome ohio state game on Sat ( at least part of it, i hope), and vegging in front of my TV on Sunday watching the foolsball.

in reality i'll probably just be feeling sorry for myself.....

am i so transparent?

on Monday oldest and I were discussing curfew. i said 10 was absolutely the latest i would allow. usually it's 9:30 on school nights, but he had napped earlier in the day because it was a holiday. i feel i'm being generous, he argues.

the child is an arguer, he always has been. if anyone was born to instill change, it's him. i am just hoping he puts his powers to good. in all honesty, this kid could go either way. he is the definition of alpha male, and any attempt to instill that thing called modesty have been dismissed.

so in the discussion of curfew, i said to him "You WILL be in this house by 10" his reply to me is "Or what? You're going to ground me? My life is school and football anyway, what are you gonna take away?"

am i more incensed because he is arguing, or because i know he's right? so thinking quickly on my feet i reply " well we'll just see when i let you get your liscense". he is eligible on the 11th to get his drivers license. his answer to this?

"you want me to be able to drive, more than i do anyway. you'll let me".

foiled again, can this kid read my mind? but i am not giving up all hope yet...he was home by 9:55.

the end of an era

remember the night you stumbled into the bathroom half asleep, didn't turn on the light, trying to be as quiet as humanly possible to avoid waking anyone up? and what happens? you slip on a bath toy that was discarded from the tub earlier and overlooked. making you yelp first in shock, i mean what is this slimy thing on the floor? halfway down you realize it's baby mickey's wash rag. and you remember how much fun you had earlier in the evening fetching it 7890 times, much to your little ones glee. and hey, the fun still ain't over, as you crack your elbow on the sink, and bump your head on the towel rack...almost pee your pants, i mean you were going in for a reason. and teach most of your neighborhood a string of curse words one may never had previously imagined could work together.

how about the header you took out of the shower that day, because you had been too lazy to bend over and pick up the boat that was laying in there. it showed you who was boss, grab a towel, go to dry your hair BAM...now that's a pretty sight.

what did you do those times? if you were me you dreamed of 2 things, 1) the day you had your own bathroom..because noone would be allowed to bring toys in moms tub (hah! as if) and 2) the day there were no bath toys cluttering the bathroom.

well my friends my time has come. while doing the bathroom over, i took the shelf that housed the bath toys and placed it on the deck. the shelf is not going back into the bathroom, so i told youngest yesterday to pick out the ones he still used and we would keep them in a smaller bucket. he looked at me and he looked at the toys, he said "you know , i don't think i need them anymore. i usually take showers now and i never use them."

you could hear my heart break.....

i dreamed of this day for so long. when i was scrubbing "magic" bath finger paint off the walls, or picking up all 235 species Noah had on the ark. the day when the plumber had to pull an entire army guy, one leg, arm torso and head at a time from that curly part of the pipe. and as i sat with hair dryer to legos that i told them wouldn't float, or poured half the tub one cup at a time into the playland that would never stay suctioned to the side of the bath anyway. the days when i stood up from the tub aching because my back does not like to stay in that position for quite so long. and of course on the times i walked into the bathroom to see 15 years of bath toy accumulation scattered everywhere.

now thats it here, i have to admit i will miss it. those carefree evenings scrubbing dirty faces and that great smell their hair had when i took them out. even when they were a little older hearing them play and splash, hearing boat noises or guys fighting in the river. i'm sad to see it go.

now if i could just get them to learn to keep the water in the shower.....