food

I very unceremoniously finished off the last of the "good" Easter candy this morning. yes i said this morning, there was one egg of m&m's left and my coffee was taking too long. i needed something...STAT.... there are still jelly beans, runts, nerds, you know kid candy left, but the good stuff is gone. i am starting to think i may have been a little too used to my chocolate stash. i've been struggling to stay mobile all afternoon, and have been sticking my grubby hand in the basket in search of anything. stary m&m, hidden reese mini, anything will do at this point.

i better send a kid in to pay for gas later or i may walk out with more than i need. this happens to me every Easter and halloween. i swear i will leave the candy to the kids. it is just too powerful. now i have to revert to diet coke until i rid myself of this addiction. i curse my weaknesses.

yea spring

spring cleanup is next week. for people with a regular city wide garbage department, spring cleanup means nothing to you. you put your trash out, any trash, on the alotted night and by morning...viola...garbage has disappeared. not round here..OH NOOOO...i am allowed to place no more than 4, 30 gallon bags at the end of my driveway once a week. and i have to pay them $160 a year to take them away. hellooo..4 stinkin bags, who are they kidding? my bags always weigh more than my 7 year old.

which is why i am so excited for spring cleanup, once a year i get to throw away ANYTHING, as long as it contains no freon, and limited to 1 piece of furniture. adios broken blue chair that i want to throw up every time i look at it. goodbye piles of cardboard that have been taking up valuable skating space in the garage since Christmas. toodles to the mounds of junk that has been sitting under my deck since that weekend in Feb when i finally purged the playroom. you are all history.

plus there is the added bonus of putting the kids to work this weekend. finally a chance to get back for the $27 in downloads to the cell phone, or the mysterious itunes charge on my cc. remember that hollister hoodie you were going to die without? how bout those new wheels and trucks (for skateboards in case you have girls), that life would end without? remember when you wouldn't ask for anything else EVER, if i bought the harry potter movie the day it was released? HA they will work like slaves this weekend.

the final joy of spring cleanup, besides being able to leave my garage door open without embarrasment. we get to watch the people who drive around and insist my garbage will do them good. hey more power to them, but really, what are you going to do with my busted vaccuum or 2 years passed on weed whacker? last year my neighbor put out a cart with his trash in it. the cart was not meant for trash, merely to hold the things he put out. some guy pulled up and dumped everything out and took the cart, my neighbor had to get in his car and chase the guy down to retrieve his cart.

like i said before this place has to grow on you.

grrrrrr

ok real quick before my day ends...well i should say switches gears. once 3:30 gets here, my day switches from work to kids, sports, dinner etc. anyway i am not a big tv watcher, i watch Sopranos and Big Love on sundays and thats about the extent of my tv. however during the day when i am working i have tv on, i get it on my computer. usually i watch the waltons or littlle house reruns, something like that. today i realized i had seen every episode of both at leat 3 times and was tired of them, so i put on headline news.

umm excuse me headline news? i would think it would cover news, some sports, weather, at least it has in the past. why is it that not one but TWO car chases , or should i say, average speed chases was all they had on for over an hour? first was one in LA next was one in Dallas. these people were not stars (ala OJ), we didn't even know why they were running from police. why then were they news? i could see they would be of local interest, but national news? PUHLEASEEE the worst part, in LA when they finally were able to apprehend the driver there were like 25 police cars pulled around him. no wonder the crime is bad there, the cops are all busy chasing speeders.

shhhh

we had to go to the vet today, ok well i guess the secret is out so i don't have to whisper. actually, we went to the vet 2 weeks ago, but only 2 of the 3 cats were in attendance. simba chose to be MIA that morning (of course), and forced me to have to make another trek.

after today's visit and his previous miss, i am starting to wonder if he is as dumb as i thought he was. simba and nala(awww how cute, i know) are brother and sister, peanut is my older cat and no relation to the other 2. i at one point was convinced their mom was impregnated by her brother. that is how unsmart they are. but today i am forced to wonder, not only did simba sense the trip 2 weeks ago, despite my best efforts to hide all travel gear until we walked out the door. today he refused to get out of the box once we were at the vets. i had to disassemble the dam box (and they NEVER go back together right), and lift him out. not only that, before i took the box apart, he kept trying to hide his eyes and pretend like he was asleep so he could stay put.

these happenings, PLUS the fact he knew something was up this morning. i learned my lesson the last time and wouldn't let him out until we got back. i threatened the kids with the possibility of rabies if they let the cat out last night. by 5 am Simba was fit to be tied. i kept putting him in the garage. due to the fact that in 6 years my garage has yet to be finished (that is a whole 'nother post), the cats can get into the ceiling of the d/s of the house, then get into the rooms through a broken ceiling tile. they are pros at this i might add and it drives me batty. so i would put him in the garage and within 3 minutes he would be back at my bedside screaming again. then once the kids got up he was sure they would release him and wouldn't give them a minutes peace. then he was pretty sure if he hid behind the couch he could make his escape when the younger 2 went out for the bus, the oldest yells CAT as simba is dashing for the open door, and sweet freedom...that one was close. but i prevailed, and managed to get him to the vet so that we can be rabies free for another 3 years. go me. i am master of the dumb cats...woo hoo

obsessed

ok i have spent the morning reading blogs, then decided to look through the mail which has been piling up in my in box, big mistake...i realize i have yet to file my 943...which is the report for with holding taxes for ag employers. it was due 2/10/06...Nice ....one year we are paid in full and i'm still gonna owe those biotches $$$$.

so figuring i'm already late what the heck is one more day...i am watching this

in case you do not know me well, you probably don't, that is the view from Konaweb.com, i am obsessed. i find myself reloading to make my own little slide show and pretend i am sitting at huggos, which is java on the rocks in the am, gabbing with my sistas, having a lovely kona coffee, watching the sun come over the mountain (sigh), now i really am depressed....think i'll have a pity party and come back later... :)

i got to thinking

i just read a post at chaotic mom, i am new to this so i have no idea how to link it, but she was discussing how she basiclly feels like she is not herself anymore. and i realized that is what is wrong with me these days. i have been blaming so much on my husband, or the weather, or trying to teach my 16 yr old to drive. i have been blaming my foul moods on anyone who will listen. i am starting to think (this is hard) it must be me.

I mean ultimately i am responsible for my own happiness. I pretend like i don't feel old (i'm 36), i pretend like i am just so happy for everything i am, and for the most part it's true. i love being a mom, i even love being a wife, even though my hubby makes it very hard sometimes, but some days i just feel like i missed something. but if you ask me what it is i missed, i couldn't tell you. if you asked me why i don't do something different i couldn't tell you. most people who know me would say that i'm happy, and i am, but.....

there are just so many days when i am so fed up with laundry and dishes, baseball, scheduling my life around my kids schedules. is it so wrong to want someone to put me first, just once? or is that totally selfish, and if it is...why is everyone around me entitled to selfishness and i am expected to be completely selfless. do all moms feel this way? or is there more satisfaction in your life if you left the house to work every day? was i happier when i worked because i was working, or was it because i had only 1 child and was 21?

is this a mid life crisis? if it is...does anyone know a cure? i hope i feel better tommorrow

about the country

as you may have guessed, i grew up on the east coast, and 14 years ago moved to the boonies of PA. although originally a separate area of the boonies, they are all pretty much the same. just on a different side of the state. and actually the longer i live here i realize, there are people who would say i don't even live in the boonies, in fact we almost moved to a house that was 30 miles from almost anything. (although i constantly tell hubby, there is no way in H E L L i would have agreed to that one)

as the years have gone by i must admit, i have grown to enjoy it. there are days that i long to walk to everything i want to do, and i would love the closest Panera to be less than a 45 min drive, a library would again be a huge building with mountains of information, and my children would be a bit more cultured. but the things i enjoy here grow with every year.

i can throw the grease from a pan out the door, and noone but my grass cares,

disposing of the Christmas tree means putting it on the deck, and having the kids drag it in the spring to the woods behind my house.

i have my own ponds, and there are no strange men hanging out at them after dark.

my grass can grow a little high, and there is no law to tell me it needs to be cut, my kids stuff can be strewn everywhere, and i do not worry if someone will fall on it and sue me

i can see more stars at night than i knew even existed when i was young, and my kids know the night sky is truly limitless

my garden does not have to be in pots, unless i want it to

when i first moved from the city i knew i was doing it for my son, who was the only one i had at the time. and i used to say when the kids grew up, i would probably move back to civilization, but now i honestly have to wonder.

now i remember.....

why i stopped feeding the birds, the guilt was too much. we have two other cats who usually partake in the wait and pounce, they are off somewhere i'm sure, sleeping. it is tough to be a cat you know. earlier this morning the 3 of them were perched on the railing at different points watching the feeders. i love the birds though, i missed them last winter when i didn't have feeders out. at least in the winter the cats are too pansy a** to sit outside. i was kind of hoping the cats would have matured past the point of tormenting the birds....guess i was wrong. the one day i had put some leftovers on the deck for the cats and a few finches were on the feeder. you could just see the internal struggle that was going on..."people food yum...ooh birds...people food, ooh birds" . say a prayer for the birds

okay...

here i am. hello. i have alot to say about practically nothing. but my life can be amusing to others, and you would not believe the place I live...backwoods would be an upsell. :) just kidding, i really have gotten used to it. anyway i have started blogs in the past, only to abandon it shortly thereafter, but i still have things i want to rant about, so maybe i can keep it up and feel satisfied with it. time will tell. more to come later, right now i need to run...which i do ALOT of.