time in a bottle

it honestly seems like a month or so ago that I happily exclaimed in 2 days it would be a schoooool night. Take that, another summer done, another exciting school year ahead. Only it somehow unbelievably was 9 months ago. On one hand it seems as though the year flew, on the other, so much has happened, it seems unthinkable it's ONLY been a year. Time, she plays funny tricks.

I find it incredibly painful to watch my youngest son grow up. Maybe painful isn't the word, I guess I feel helpless. I sit across the table from him, watching him dunk his cookies and want to freeze every second, I never want to forget these minutes. I am making up for the fact that when he was an infant, he suffered from the 3rd baby = no picture syndrome, by snapping 2 or 3 shots of him almost daily sometimes. I want to freeze that mischevious smile, or innocent look. The things I KNOW for sure will fade with time. They will fade, his voice will deepen, his shoulders broaden, his sense of humor and THAT laugh, all these things will change, and my sweet little boy who laughs at everything, will become a sulky teen, then a man. I know it will happen, I have watched it twice now. I will not be caught off guard again.

I caught a glimpse of my middle son and he had the same build as his older brother. He was riding his dirtbike and it could have been the oldest had I not known better. I knew at that moment he would be taller than me if we measured (he was, well is). Taller, thinner, yet broader. He is changing before my eyes.

Time is hard on a mom, sometimes I just want to stop it, freeze everything, maybe even move it back a bit. sigh

the end

hmm no idea why no comments on the last post...hopefully it won't happen again.

Anyway, take a DEEEEEP breath. I'm done. Work is fin, well at least the hard part is. My darling husband, who literally came home Weds night for the first time in about a week, spent yesterday searching airfare and is on his way to BWI as I type, to do some sharkin'.

In other words he bailed, to Miami, to fish. He intends to spend 2 days on a boat with his cell phone off. He'll make the 2 days on the boat, but no way in hell will he be able to leave the phone off. I dared him.

The chillins are about done with school, there are some half days to go and a final or 2 yet. But Weds is the LAST day. Thurs at ass crack of dawn I am outta here. Headin to da beach to visit my sis, and steal my nephew who is accompanying his parents down, as well. YEEAAHH!!!! (happy dance)

AND SOME BIG NEWS....my baby sister got engaged last week. She hit the husband LOTTO, not only is he tall dark and handsome. He's so nice....and he's a Dr. (ok almost a Dr.) and you know what a Dr in the family means.....good drugs!!!! kidding, jeesh

It also means I have less than a year to lose 700 pounds of ugly fat, so that I won't hate the pictures from the wedding. Because I finally get to be in a wedding (go me go me).

So excuse me while I spend my weekend in my yard, planting some flowers, and making my house so pretty, so I can wave goodbye to it most of the summer. Because I was thinking about it last night,(trying to rationalize why I was staying home and jerk was going to Miami) between family things,kid's games, a trip or 2, and college visits with the oldest i will be home for about 10.2 seconds between Thurs and Labor Day.

oh yeah...you can exhale now. Hope your weather is as nice as mine promises.

ohh the temptation

My beauty routine has never consisted of much more than an exfoliating scrub, Oil of Olay, a smudge of eyeliner and a dab of mascara. Bronzer in the winter. So basic it is laughable. Of course some people say I'm lucky, my one friend who had bad acne as a teen has to clump on so much makeup just to feel ready. Not that she NEEDS to, she just feels better with it, and is jealous of my ability to do close to nothing.

I have had moments in my life though, where I would be possessed by some inner diva. I would be compelled to purchase liners, lip sticks, and cute little pots of nonsense, that inevitably would be hardly touched and end up in the trash or doled out to friend's daughters.

I thought I had finally grown out of all that. I knew just because I bought the crap did NOT mean I would use it. Yeah, I have times where I want to look more dramatic, but I feel silly with more than my minimalist look. I was good to go, hey here I am take me or leave me.

Then one Christmas I innocently went online and bought my brother's g/f (at the time, now mommy to my perfect nephew) a gift card to Sephora. Lo and behold a couple months later, didn't those fine folks send me a catalog. Not just a catalog, ooh no. More like a book of girly goodness, chock full o tubes and tubs. Scrubs and lotions, scents and little pots of glimmery, sparkly shiny stuff.

Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE sparkly stuff? The book comes and I am compelled....I MUST look. I know I shouldn't, but I cannot stop myself. And every stinkin time it's the same thing.

diva me:"OOOOHHHHHH, look. So cute, I would use that if I bought it"

real me:"Yeah just like the lip Venom, there's $32 we'll never see again"


diva me:"Come on just this one last time, and if I don't use it I'll NEVER ask for anything from here again"

real me: "NO"

diva me: "Screw you, I know where you keep the crdit card"

real me: "well they do give me free samples"

The rest my friends is history. 3 days later I am the proud owner of at least 2 new items that will never be used, save for trying them out. The cute little bag they "wrap" the shit in, and a moistrizer that will last 1.5 applications.

Curse you Sephora, and all your wares. You will not lure me in again. (except for that one eyeliner maybe)

the apple and the tree it fell from

Husband and I returned home from work on Sunday. OK, first off, don't even get me started on the fact that not only did I work on mother's day(!!), and it was real work, not one of the days where I sat around waiting, but trekking up and down this STEEP hill, crawling around under trees, trying to decide which ones were junk and which ones weren't. Not only did I work, but we got home and darling sensitive husband walked in the door and sat on the couch and started to play X Box. I, went about the business of deciding what to do about dinner, and cleaning the effin mess that 4 kids left in their wake throughout the day. Because he's the dad, and that's what he does.

Seriously though, don't feel bad, I have my ways of getting even. Like while I'm cruising the outlets in AC on Father's Day, and he's stuck home for 3 days with the kids. I might just wander into the Coach outlet and stumble upon this, and take it home. Because I'm the mom and that's what I do.

So husband sits his butt down to play X Box. Only hmmm, no controllers. Now I am the first to admit that my home will never be mistaken as a home for the compulsive cleaner. But I do have 4 cats wandering around, so the chances of any critter being large enough to wander in and walk off with the controllers are really quite slim. And unless all the ants, that have recently started invading (reminder to me...need some Sevin )gathered together and hoisted the controllers on their backs, someONE had to do something with said controllers.

Only, you guessed it, no one knew where they were. I had my ideas, because oldest had had some friends sleep over the night before and they were all still snoozing soundly when we left. (at 7 am, to work on mother's day...)But I kept my opinions to myself, not wanting to stir up an unneeded, and ridiculous arguement about video game controllers. My solution was this, given the controllers HAD to be here somewhere, oldest should go to Wal Mart and buy a new one on his way to pick up dinner.

"But they're $50.", exclaims my husband, who will drop $479 on an RC helicopter that will fly once and crash to a fiery death, with out batting an eye. AT which point I told him he could either get a new controller or find something else to do.

Oldest comes home with food and controller and we all sleep happily. The next morning I said to oldest, if he had leant the controllers out he needed to get them back. The mere suggestion of such an atrocity being performed by him was enough to start the mumbling, door slammimg fest of Monday morning, which carried over into the "I dont trust him", pity party of Monday evening.

Yesterday (Weds), husband and I were both gone ALL day. No one around but the kids after school. What is peeking out from under the coffee table this morning, just enough to be noticed, but not enough to be tripped on? Both controllers.

Because he is our son and that is what he does...

didja ever.....

look at your husband (wife, partner, significant other) and feel so madly in love with him, you were forced to remember why you chose to spend your life with him in the first place.

then

2 seconds later wonder if you could actually get away with killing him?


cause I need to make sure I'm not the only one

the battle rages within

Being the oldest girl of 5 children I was like a mini mom from the ages of 8-16. Not only did I earn a whole bunch of concert, magazine and Aqua Net cash by babysitting neighbor kids, but I was the built in babysitter of the household. I complained then, but really I didn't mind. I love my brothers and sisters as much as I love my own children, just in a different kind of way.

When I became a mom I was pretty sure there wasn't a whole lot that could shock me. Before I even hit puberty I had been spit up on, peed on, and changed more NASTY diapers than most full grown women. I had the bouncy hip thing down and could rock a fussy, teething baby to sleep quicker than my own mom. I knew formula, cereal, how to clip nails, and clean umbilical cords. I was nothing short of a pro. There was only one thing to shock me...

the GUILT

Holy shiznit. The GUILT. No one told me I would feel guilty over EVERYTHING. Ooopps dressed baby in shorts and it's cloudy. (GUILT) Didn't buy the right baseball pants and for one game he is the only one with black instead of charcoal. (GUILT) Couldn't make a PTO meeting and now he missed book fair. (GUILT) The list goes on and on, and as you can see 99.9% of it is frivolous. So pure it floats.

I realized last weekend my guilt was becoming too much. My oldest, who has never had to work outside of chores around the house, a milisecond of his life, never had to "collect" gas money, never paid a penny of insurance. Turned 16 and had a car, which cost him nada, at the ready. This dear sweet boy had to give up "his car", you know the one we bought, paid on for 5 years, keep full of gas, and insured, plus put a new engine in it so he would have a car to use. Yeah he had to give up "his car" so the guys that work for us, helping enable us to be able to provide all these things for him, could actually get to work for a couple days.

I felt GUILTY!!!!! Why? Because I knew he had plans to go to the movies on Friday. I ran crazy Friday afternoon, arranging rides for 2 other children, dropping them to places where they could get rides to where they needed to be, and was stuck at home for the entire evening. ALl so oldest could keep his uber important plan to go see Spiderman intact. Am I completely insane?!!?

All together now, "Why yes Maria, it seems you are"

So this year for Mother's Day I decided ENOUGH. I am done with the GUILT, the GUILT is taking over my life. The GUILT is completely unfounded, and I am taking back my emotions. Of course the youngest woke up sniffling this morning, and I realized I had left his window open last night....damn.

random nonsense to let you know i'm still alive

prom...awwwww

Did you see this? I knew it. A few years ago, my husband was in a bad accident. I told the nurses I didn't trust that stuff. It really seemed to affect him in a bad way, and he seemed to use it as a crutch. But Oh NOOO they told me. It's a new wonder drug. Wonder my ass, wonder no more. When he was released from the hospital I wouldn't even get the scrip they sent home with him filled, because I wanted him off it. Guess I was right again.

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It's true, girls are way worse drivers than boys. If I thought teaching my son to drive was tough, at least he knew a red light means STOP. Oh my gosh, I don't think I have the strength so soon.

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You might think it would be hard for a girl to move into a house of males. My poor boys, the youngest freaked out over a pair of her underwear. Middle son gagged on her hairbrush being left out (in all fairness I hate hairy brushes too), and oldest refused to shave today because she had used his razor at some point. This from 3 boys who would pee off the deck, if I would let them.

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I have recently discovered stress can make you physically ache. I used to poo poo people who said stress did this, stress did that. The other night every joint, bone and muscle in my body hurt. I need a vacation.

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Finally a little snark for your day..

With the oldest I was always one of, if not the, youngest moms in the group. With the youngest I am one of the oldest. (hey it's the boonies there's nothing else to do, but get knocked up and married) I would sit at youngest activities and wonder how these women stayed so fit and trim, yadda yadda ya. Over the past year though I am noticing they aren't managing so well anymore. HA At the rate some of them are going, I'll be downright hottie mommie by the time they graduate.

hellloooooo...oh....oh..oh?

yeah, I know there is an echo in here. I actually posted something a week or so ago, but it discappeared, and I did not have the energy to write it again. SO, here I am again...just as I was on the brink of quitting the whole bloggy thing, the very kind Movin Mom tagged me. Forcing me back, which is actually ok, because I had things storing up in my head to the point where I was like, "I will never get all this down". And truth be told I've been feeling a little unable to complete anything lately. So, back I am...sporadically for a while yet, because I want to be able to eat this winter, and we now have another child to feed and pay tuition for, and send off to college in 2 years. Our 16 yr old niece has moved in with us. GOOD TIMES, drama times 2. YESSSSSSSSSS

So here's the tag...7 things fact or habit about moi...

fact..I am freakishly good with numbers. Not quantum physics or anything, but basic math...adding, subtracting, multiplying etc. I LOVE numbers, they always make sense, and always work out and balance at the end of the day. To this day I can figure change quicker than the kid in the "Keep the Change" commercial for Bank of America. I have my many years of food service to thank for that. Which brings us to

fact...every summer through HS I worked at the same ice cream place. We did not have a cash register and had to figure change and add in our heads. It was a great job, and my boss there gave me a lot of good insight about life. He and his wife were my entire career for about 6 years, first I watched their kids all summer for 2 years, then went to schlep the lovely goodness known as soft ice cream at their shop.

habit..I bite my nails, it is disgusting and I hate it. I had actually given it up for a long time but the last 3 or 4 years I have been at it again. I wish I could quit.

fact...I completely purged my house a couple weeks ago. EVERYTHING went (which was good seeing as the next week, I needed the space for niece). There was enough crap in my house and garage to fill a 20 cubic yd dumpster. That's big. Plus I have a bunch of stuff to sell at a yard sale I'm having next weekend. which brings us to..

habit...I now think way too hard about buying anything. I have gotten (dare I say) cheap. I need to splurge a little more, esp on myself. I will take the kids and drop $500 on baseball stuff like it's nothing, but not want to spend $40 on a pair of shoes for me, because I may only wear them a couple times a month.

habit...I hve the tiniest space between my 2 front teeth, and after I eat I clear it with my spit. ( ewww) because I am paranoid of having something in there. SO I make this gross sucky spit noise until it feels clear. I caught myself doing it in public once and almost died.

fact...even though I love GOOD food, and have dined at some of the nicest restaurants our country offers my absolute favorite thing in the world is Totinos Crisp n Tasty Pizza, you know the .99 frozen one. It is crap, but something about it just calls to me. When I am craving one nothing else will do.


Now the rules call for me to tag 7 others, but truth be told I have been so lazy about blogging and commenting lately..I'll skip this step, however if you read this consider yourself tagged. Let me know if you play along. Seeing as a few of my readers don't have blogs (at least not that they have admitted to) and NEVER comment (you know who you are) I am inviting them to quickly list their 7 facts or habits in the comments..WITH names. Hope to see something....

PS Jr/Sr prom is tommorrow, so look for some tear stained pics over the weekend I hope.