lest you think I over exaggerate

youngest lost a t-o-o-t-h at school a couple days ago, this is what the envelope he brought it home in said

six words I never thought would pass my lips

I don't want to go shopping

I KNOW. Believe me it shocks me too. I am not sure when exactly it happened, but it did. In the last year I think I only went maybe 6 or 7 times, and out of those times once was for Christmas, and most of my purchases have been for the kids. I've grabbed a thing or 2, but most of my clothes are at least 3 years old. Last summer I knew I needed things, but I had just started back at the gym, and figured I would wait and splurge this year....you know, when I was thinner, ahem. We all know how that worked out. That's not the point of this, though, I am at peace with my body, I know it hates me and resists weight loss as my punishment, cause I'm super mature like that.

So here we are today, I literally have nothing to wear for Easter. Even my nice clothes look ratty. And with the break in weather I started going through my clothes for summer, unless I want to do my laundry every other day, or plan on only going places where yoga pants, and my husband's old t shirts are considered chic, I need to get some clothes. This is not something I am looking forward to.

I think alot of it has to do with the fact that I seem to find 2 kinds of stores, young kid stores (ie Hollister or Abercrombie) and I think their clothes are real cute, but my rear hanging out of everything isn't. Or old lady stores, which I am not ready for either. I know, Old Navy or Gap, but I don't like the way their clothes fit most of the time, most of my bulk is through the middle, their clothes always seem to show that off..woo hoo.

So I am thinking of venturing toward Pittsburgh, there are some larger malls there. Any store suggestions?

If you're only as old as you feel, I am OLD

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 37. Can we have a moment of silence for my youth which is officially gone.......


I thought before about lying about my age, you know what's the big deal? Shave a year or 2 off here and there. Who's gonna know? Unfortunately though, I shot myself in the foot on that one. Unless I want to admit being a 15 yr old mom at some point in the not too far future, that is. The one drawback in having a child who is, at times, 19 years younger than you, it really screws you out of the whole age fibbing process. I can see it now "Why yes, I had all 3 of my boys by the ripe old age of 21."

While I am not ashamed of my choices, I think I would like to keep some decorum of respect about me.

I am not neccesarily at a crossroads, and this isn't so much a "milestone" like 30 or 40, but I am none too pleased about it. I remember feeling the same way about 10 years ago. All of a sudden your birthday is not so much something you look forward to anymore. It's not the end of the world, but eh you know..big deal another birthday. The thing that got me 10 years ago is similar to what is bothering me now. Closing in on a big one. I remember how excited I was to turn 10, and my fourth grade teacher said to me "That's it double digits till 100". I laughed, full of joy that I would soon, no longer be able to show my age with my hands. I was a sucker.

It isn't even like I feel my age, I don't even think I look my age. While my mom did NOT give me the genes that enabled her to birth 5 children with nary a stretch mark or ounce of flab, she did give me some good skin. And days when I am in the gym and trucking on the treadmill, listening to some great music and running...yes RUNNING. Me running again and not having a heart attack, I feel young. I feel like I could conquer the world. Then I get off the machine and reality smacks me in the ass with a wet towel..and my back feels like it is made of rusty rods, and old washers. That's when I feel old.

So take a moment and thank God if you're still young, or at least, still think you're young, and I will mourn for my old body, but not my past. Becasue if given the chance I wouldn't want to do any of it over again. The only thing I really want to do is look forward to the future.

happy

My sister in law sent this fwd to me and I had to share....

This is an open letter written to the brand manager of Proctor and Gamble...

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her husband's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."

Are you f****g kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local
Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just
picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

will i ever learn?

We have a various amount of cats who come out of the woodwork, or the woods, I guess I should say, and dine and rest at our home. In our ceilings, garage, barn and on the deck when weather cooperates. But we do have 2 I consider house cats. The other day the older of the two was being particularly annoying. Yelling and swatting, begging at the counter like a dog. I yelled to Miss Kitty..."Keep it up and you'll be Chinese food", in ear shot of the youngest.

Oh the questions....and last night when I suggested Chinese fare for dinner, the DRAMA. All I wanted was some General Tsao chicken, and I got a whole lot more.

spring

I like, and have grown accustomed to certain things in my life. Food for the kids, a home with electric and indoor plumbing. Being able to keep creditors at bay, and my vehicle from being repossesed. And maybe an occasional Coach bag or two (or ten...someone stop me PLEASE). You know, neccesities.

In order to keep me in the lavish life I live it is sometimes important to make some actual money. Now is that time. For the next 3 or 4 months my darling husband and I will line our greedy little palms with, most likely, 75% of the cash we will make for the year. Yes folks, once again its

(drumroll please)

SPRING!!!!!!!!!

I know the calender doesn't say it yet, but the snow has melted, and the mud flows like rain. The frost is gone from the ground and the customers are screaming. It is the 3 months we look forward to all winter, and instantly wish it was over about midway through the first disaster of the season. Like Tues night at 10 pm when we had a train of vehicles, machinery and big ol chains attempting to free 85,000 pounds of truck, trailer and trees from mud. That was a whole lot of fun.

It is the time of the year when one day I won't have enough available cash to buy a loaf of bread, and the next day be able to buy a car if I so chose. I will also need to be the voice of reason when my darling husband will think it would be a good idea to buy the car. Because he is smart like that. And has the memory of my cat who keeps trying to play with the dog next door who kicks her ass every other day. How quickly he forgets February, and how miserable it is when we have not kept enough cashola to do more than sit around and look at each other all month, contemplating murder. Because nothing, NOTHING, tests a marriage like being together 24/7 for a solid month with no money.

I will most likely put 30,000 miles on my car by June 1, and it won't be fun. There will be days when I will wake up thinking I have nothing to do, and end up 200 miles away before mid afternoon, only to turn right around and come back home. I know my actual job could be a lot worse, I could be my husband, who deals with more headaches in a day than i sometimes do in a week. For this reason, I become the woman most men dream of marrying. I keep my trap shut and don't argue, and accept that I was wrong, even if I know better. Some days I will wish I had married someone else, and one day I will enjoy planting flowers while my husband toils away from 6 am until 10 pm.

It isn't fun, but it's what we do. We joke that it keeps us young, but is the cause for most of our aging. And just when you think you know what to expect, something new happens. Most importantly, after this year we have 8 more to go and we will be able to hang it up. It's all about the "BIG PICTURE", at this point.

So excuse me if I am errant in my duties in the coming months, it's only been a week and I feel like I have been drug through the ringer. HAPPY SPRING

if it was 2 o clock yesterday...

Usually I'm all about the Spring forward. I LOVE it. This year though? It's too early. It will be nice that it will be light later, but it will once again be pitch dark when middle guy and I rise for the day. Daylight, which was in full force by the time he caught the bus, will again be replaced by the tease of the sun just on the horizon. Plus after 30 some odd years of my mental clock knowing when to spring forward, I am dreading getting myself and the chillins up tomorrow.

The idea is it saves energy, but really I don't see that being the case so much for the next 2 weeks. How many of us leave lights on when we leave for the day? show of hands...that's what I thought. Lights that had been unneccesary on Friday morn, will be shining bright again tomorrow, most likely all day. Oh well, I guess the happy side is that baseball practice can begin earlier...weeeeee. And we will be able to get more wrok done for the first couple of weeks, so I shouldn't complain too loud. I just really like waking to light, you know the natural kind.

----signed, the woman who is STILL complaining even though it is sunny and 45 today. Lord how does my family stand me?

I am a mom

Today I am a mom. I feel like a mom. Somedays I feel like a friend, a sister, a confidante. Today I'm a mom. Not only am I a mom, I'm THAT mom. You know the one I wouldn't be. The one who freaked out over things that I thought were ok when I was 18. The mom who is so uncool you can't stand her, the one who is out to ruin lives and the mom who is hated.

What I didn't know before is how much it hurts to be that mom. Even though I know inside I am doing what is best and right. I am doing what needs to be done to insure my child's future is bright and healthy. I just don't understand why he can't see it that way. Have I forgotten so quickly what it is to be 17? No, I just never understood the love a mom has for her children and how desperate the need is to keep them safe. Even when they hate you.

It's days like this, I wish my relationship with my own mom was better. I would tell her how sorry I was, and I would cry on her shoulder. It's days like this I just want to take my sulking son, hug him BIG, and give him all my years of knowledge so he knows this is best. I guess I'll just have to wait for the day he has to be THAT dad.