i'll be expecting a swarm of locusts anytime now

You know when you go through the tragedy of losing a loved one, it SUCKS. Right? right. SO you would think maybe the universe would take my fragile state of emotions into consideration. Maybe I could be sheltered from some of life' s problems for a couple months. Give me time to maybe, you know, get my sanity back. I honestly don't think that would be asking alot. I don't want to win the lottery, well I do, but it's not like I'm gnashing my teeth and shaking my fist at the world because I couldn't score the 300 mil from powerball. I don't expect my children to suddenly become angelic little cherubs, cleaning, laundry doing, non fighting cherubs. I don't even expect special treatment, I know life goes on, I know the world continues, I know I have to continue to be strong and brave and show my children mommy has not completely lost it.

So is it too much to ask that maybe I be spared some of the other shit that isn't just a normal part of everyday stress? Which in all honesty, I think I have enough of anyway. thankyouverymuch.

Because there are quite a few things I seriously could have done without recently, like the 10 day vigil where I was begging God, Allah, and pretty damn near much anyone who would listen to bring upon my niece's (ahem) time of the month. Even though she swore it was impossible, she be pregnant. Never mind the fact there seems to have been NO responsible parental unit when she was back visiting her mom, and grandmother and old boyfriend and friends, a few weeks ago. Finally it arrived with much quiet celebration on my part. Then there was the nail I apparently drove over at some point, a rather large nail it was at that. I found out about it when I came out of Wal Mart to a completely flat tire. So yeah frozen food does NOT hold up well when it's a billion degrees out and you're waiting for someone to come change your tire.

Of course my ever helpful husband, has decided it's time for his 2987th mid life crisis, and every bit of available cash has been dribbling away to incredibly important things like $100 hair cut and color, non profitable trips to AC, useless shit for car racing that is over for the year anyway, and even more important stuff for the snowmobiles..that will be lost before that season begins.

He must have more lives than my cat who keeps running into traffic, with all the "mid life" issues he has had.

One of neighbors has filed a complaint against us and we get to go to court, my accountant is having "trouble" piecing together where $50k went last year, and my printer and Windows Vista don't get along so well. Only they decide not to get along only when I need to have something printed immediately. My dryer has stopped drying things, unless it runs for 90 minutes or so.

There are tons of little things, I seem to be operating in a daze because I have stubbed my toes, and whacked my hands and fingers against more objects I can count. The kid's current schedules have me driving in circles for almost 3 hours straight every evening. And could the oldest stop being a jerk and then blaming it on MY bad mood?

Then finally as if all of that were not enough for me, a poor grieving soul who wants nothing more than to relax and get herself back on track, the real kicker, the big one. There was the raging flood that destroyed all our carpet and alot of our furniture in our downstairs. The same DS that houses ours and the 2 younger boys bedrooms. Well housed, I should say as the boys have been forced to move back upstairs into my old office and we are sleeping in a slightly damp, kinda stinky bedroom. With a dehumidifier that has decided it will no longer auto shut off. I found that out as it was pouring water back out onto the lovely cement floor I get to tread over..IN MY BEDROOM.

And just now as I was dumping said de humidifier, I stepped an a piece of the rug tack strip that was next to the tub....and it hurt.

and you thought picking a pre school was hard

Because my oldest son thought he knew it all, he made 2 mistakes in the last year.

1.He failed a quarter of US History because he didn't turn in the take home work he had to complete while we were on vacation last year, and

2.He missed, by 20 points, the cut off for a couple very good universities on the math section of the SAT. THEN didn't get up the day in May he was scheduled to take it again.

He has since remedied no 1 by dating his History teacher's sister. kidding, actually he won't even be his teacher this year. And no 2, well he has to take the SAT in October again, but unfortunately he really needs to apply before then. Now, he is looking at probably not getting into his first choice of schools (Pitt).

So guess what we did this weekend? Made a list of schools. Ten places my oldest feels will be acceptable to give him the knowledge he needs to succeed in life. Plus I think the hotness of the girls on the brochure factored in some as well.

This task was not as simple as it sounds, seeing as at one juncture I almost threw the 6 inch, 5 pound, US News and World Report Ultimate College Guide at him. If I wasn't so weak from arguing I may have given it a go.

How do you pick a college? I mean really, sure we all have dreams of Ivy League eduacated children...FULL scholarship Ivy League eduacted, I should say. But in reality there are so many schools to choose from. How do you pick a place where you will drive your child, and drop him off on Saturday in August, with his belongings to fend for himself? I gotta tell you..it's HARD. We compromised by choosing schools (with one exception) that were within a 3 hour drive from home. Close enough to visit alot, far enough to let him be on his own. But who is to say he's ready? He was looking for cool campuses, varied food choices and coed dorms. I am searching for bloodshot eyes (or lack thereof), lighted parking lots, lots of cell service, and girls with morals.

I am praying we picked the right ones....he chose 5 we know he will get into
Slippery Rock, Gannon, Marshall, Cal University of PA, and Dayton University. And 5 that he is going to have to BS his way into...Pitt, Penn State, State University of NY at Albany (my family is in Albany so I made a concession), Temple and U of Maryland. Now he could be accepted to a satelite campus for any of those schools (except Temple I think), but his goal is Main.

So, the work begins, there are millions of dollars in app fees to pay, essays to force him to write, and a math section on the SAT to conquer. All this out of a kid who would be content to lay on the couch and play Madden the rest of his life. I have quite a road ahead. If a really handsome 17 yr old is seen wandering the streets you will know why.

and what the hell is that SMELL.....

umm yeah, so that funky stench of old sweat, axe body spray, and feet. That would be my house, and it would mean only one thing....Football season is upon us. Which shockingly enough, means that this is the last weekend of summer vacation. Wow. That's only all I can say.

In past years the return of school has brought about parties the likes of which even Lindsey Lohan couldn't imagine. This year ehh. I mean don't get me wrong, I will eagerly herd the chillins onto the buses and into their cars, and I am uber ready to regain some order around the house. But I am so not ready for the schedules and the running, and the homework. The homework more than anything.

I got just a wee taste of it this week, with four kids in 3 schools and participating in 5 different sports, and my niece who was still working. Back to school meetings, booster clubs, fundraisers, Senior (don't even get me started on that path) parents, and work for us which was very busy this week. I don't think I was home for longer than an hour at a stretch until 9 pm most nights. And here I am bright and early this morning getting ready to head out to a scrimmage.

They say when these days pass me by, I'll miss them. At this point I am ready to give it a go.

and so

it seems, as the saying goes, life does indeed go on. My pain doesn't necessarily disappear, but it takes a backseat. One day last week I noticed I hadn't cried once all day, then I was able to listen to Sweet Home Alabama without feeling like my insides would be torn apart. Then I was able to tell the story of the crack in the light fixture and smile instead of whimper.

Then I realized, my brother, had the last laugh. I have this hideous light fixture over my table, for 8 years I have dreamed of ceremoniously tossing it off my deck and watching it shatter into millions of pieces. Now my husband is doing the happy dance, because my constant begging for it to be put to death are over. Once when Jake was here he hit his head on said fixture, and put a crack in it. Now I will most likely take it with me when I move out.

But things move forward, and luckily we had a happy 1st birthday to celebrate. So I loaded the vehicle and headed home to spoil my nephew and smother him with birthday kisses. He, of course, wants nothing to do with me, but I bide my time, soon he will realize who's house has the cool stuff, and I will become auntie #1. And I'm not too proud to bribe him.


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Husband and I celebrated 13 years of marital bliss yesterday. Although I am forced to point out, our actual anniversary number pales in comparison to the "living in sin" anniversary, which is coming in at almost 16. Which makes for a whole lotta years. I would thrill to say "our love grows more with every passing year", but in actuality, isn't it more like "we become more tolerant of each others crap because we are just plain tired of the same old arguments with each passing year" ? I mean if you were to be honest, what's your view on making a marriage last? I recently told my SIL to be, a/k/a mama to perfect nephew, the key to making a relationship last is determination, love fades in and out, determination keeps you together.

Lastly, when I was home for birthday we also went and picked out out brides maid dresses for my youngest sister's wedding and I am pleased to say I like it. WHich shocked me, because I never dreamed I would feel comfortable in something so strapless.

With all the bad that has happened over the last year, I can only hope that the 12 months ahead will be full of joy, weddings, maybe more babies(them, NOT me), graduations and so on. And while they will all feel a little empty, all we can do is go on.