I have always felt odd about leaving this like it was. It looks like that crazy old abandoned house at the end of a dead end street. You know the one, it looks like someone could possibly be there still, at first. But after time you realize it's empty. I always have felt like just leaving this with some stupid post about football made it look like I had just run out. Run out of words, or ideas or feelings.
Really some of that is true. My mom died later that night. Six months and a day after my brother. Yet another late night phone call, only this time I wasn't immediately consumed by grief, just disbelief. How do you deal with losing two people who mean so much in such a short time? The answer is, I have no clue. I am still trying to figure it out.
But I prepare for my sister's wedding, a wedding we started planning just a year ago. A year that feels like 20 lifetimes. I watch my oldest son prepare for Senior Prom and graduation. I take him to visit his home next year, a home that will be four hours from me. I watch my middle son prepare, with great excitement,for his Freshman year of High School, and beg my youngest for kisses goodbye in the morning. Kisses he used to dole out happily, now I am hard pressed to get from an almost 10 year old.
I do these things, and I know life does indeed go on, circumstances change, and people around us change. No matter how bleak the night before was, the sun will come up again. Sometimes it's covered by clouds, but it's always there.
Spring in Albany always means tulips. It's a Dutch city, and tulips are everywhere. There was really no doubt in my sister's mind what her wedding flower would be. Tulips. My mom always loved to see the tulips, they meant spring was finally here. Now that I'm a mom, I completely understand the love of warm outside playing weather. Even though it was the farthest thing from my sister's mind when she made the decision, it's a way to have my mom there.
So, I haven't run out of ideas, or words or even material. I still have a husband who drives me nuts, a neice to talk down off the ledge over SAT scores and lack of a prom date. Three boys who are becoming men, and 2 sisters and a brother, a nephew, and 2 new in laws joining our group before labor day. My life hasn't been abandoned, just changed.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
ps
Can I also just put it out there the Football?? Yeah it's DEAD to me, not just because the Skins lost, I can deal with that and still be interested (God knows I have alot of practice there) And really, the cowboys losing was like icing on a cake...However the fact that nothing good can come from this superbowl leaves me mourning the end of my passion a little early this year.
Giants win? GOD knows how I hate the Giants, and the Pats and their "perfect season" Ugh...I threw up in my mouth a little just typing that.
Farewell lover..... I will see you in August.
Giants win? GOD knows how I hate the Giants, and the Pats and their "perfect season" Ugh...I threw up in my mouth a little just typing that.
Farewell lover..... I will see you in August.
brrrrr, or reason 1234976 why winter sucks
Yeah so let me start this post off by letting the world know. There are 2 ways to find out the gauge on your heating oil tank is broken. The good way, and the bad way.
The good way would happen with you going out to check the tank on a more regular basis and realize it had not moved in a month. The bad way is to wake up at 6 am and wonder why the hell it is so cold in the house. Which also tells me I was a complete MORON to think my oil consumption had dropped so considerably this year. NO Maria, it hasn't really been that warm.
And why (please someone tell me) does this stuff ALWAYS happen in the middle of the coldest weather? Why can't it happen in late April, when it drops to mid 40's, as opposed to today when the high is expected to hit a balmy 11 degrees, and I am talking Farenheit.
And then explain to me why my old oil company sold out this past fall, leaving me as a "new" customer to anyone else I call. And if you are unfamiliar with heating oil wars, I can assure you...the new guy, gets the short end. How can EVERY oil delivery company for 20 miles be sooooo busy, they can't meander down my driveway and drop of some of that thar black gold? You know, before we turn into people cicles?
Ok enough....I'm done. And I get to spend my day running to fetch kerosene to dump into my oil tank. Survival skill #23, you can, in an emergency dump kerosene into your oil tank and it will do the job. It isn't exactly convenient, but hey THAT'S WHY I LOOOVE WINTER, it's so damn convenient.
*********************************
What else? hmmmm My husband took most of our profit last year and started himself a new venture. If you know us in real life, you know this is pretty much a biannual event. Now I don't like to say he has ADD, because that is a real true problem for a lot of people. But I DO say, we absolutely, positively, know where the youngest gets his inability to pay attention to anything for longer than 20 minutes at a stretch.
I have had more business ventures than I care to think about. Several of which I am still getting tax credit for, or feeding, or heating, or reeling from. I would actually list them, but I do have kerosene to fetch today, before dark. And time is valuable.
Anyway this venture involves him snowmobiling. Which really, is the one thing he enjoys as much as he does breathing. He LIVES for winter and riding his sled. SO somehow, he thought that buying a whole bunch of them, and then renting them out to people would be a great idea. OK, whatever, I can sell the sleds in 2 years when he's done with this AND have him out of my hair most of the winter. Not really losing anything much.
However he attmpted to tell me it was WORK! (ohnohedidn't) oh yes he did. uh huh, that would be my equialent to getting paid while laying on the beach, alone, reading a book. Not only did he attempt to tell me it was work, he tried this tactic AFTER I had spent a week. A SOLID week,12 hours a day, working on our books, so the accountant could get taxes done timely, so we could apply for fiancial aid for that scam they call "higher learning", for the oldest next year. PLUS attempting to finish the 8 million pieces of paperwork that one needs to complete to graduate high school , and move forward in their life.
parents of small children....bask in the glory that is the early years...it gets sooo much worse.
Needless to say, I was not falling for the "I was working all weekend" that was spewing from his mouth. Which opened a can of worms I didn't know even existed.
So, now I have my work done, for the first time EVER by the end of January. Every year I say I am going to get all these projects done over the winter, most of them are home improvement, or deal with the boxes of pictures I have laying around the house. Most of them never get done. My list this year is small, but keep your fingers crossed for me. I really want to paint the living room, move the furniture around and frame some recent photos (ie senior pics, and this beautiful gift from my sister this Christmas). However I have spent the last 2 days watching the Walton's and Little House.
Clearly I am motivated.
The good way would happen with you going out to check the tank on a more regular basis and realize it had not moved in a month. The bad way is to wake up at 6 am and wonder why the hell it is so cold in the house. Which also tells me I was a complete MORON to think my oil consumption had dropped so considerably this year. NO Maria, it hasn't really been that warm.
And why (please someone tell me) does this stuff ALWAYS happen in the middle of the coldest weather? Why can't it happen in late April, when it drops to mid 40's, as opposed to today when the high is expected to hit a balmy 11 degrees, and I am talking Farenheit.
And then explain to me why my old oil company sold out this past fall, leaving me as a "new" customer to anyone else I call. And if you are unfamiliar with heating oil wars, I can assure you...the new guy, gets the short end. How can EVERY oil delivery company for 20 miles be sooooo busy, they can't meander down my driveway and drop of some of that thar black gold? You know, before we turn into people cicles?
Ok enough....I'm done. And I get to spend my day running to fetch kerosene to dump into my oil tank. Survival skill #23, you can, in an emergency dump kerosene into your oil tank and it will do the job. It isn't exactly convenient, but hey THAT'S WHY I LOOOVE WINTER, it's so damn convenient.
*********************************
What else? hmmmm My husband took most of our profit last year and started himself a new venture. If you know us in real life, you know this is pretty much a biannual event. Now I don't like to say he has ADD, because that is a real true problem for a lot of people. But I DO say, we absolutely, positively, know where the youngest gets his inability to pay attention to anything for longer than 20 minutes at a stretch.
I have had more business ventures than I care to think about. Several of which I am still getting tax credit for, or feeding, or heating, or reeling from. I would actually list them, but I do have kerosene to fetch today, before dark. And time is valuable.
Anyway this venture involves him snowmobiling. Which really, is the one thing he enjoys as much as he does breathing. He LIVES for winter and riding his sled. SO somehow, he thought that buying a whole bunch of them, and then renting them out to people would be a great idea. OK, whatever, I can sell the sleds in 2 years when he's done with this AND have him out of my hair most of the winter. Not really losing anything much.
However he attmpted to tell me it was WORK! (ohnohedidn't) oh yes he did. uh huh, that would be my equialent to getting paid while laying on the beach, alone, reading a book. Not only did he attempt to tell me it was work, he tried this tactic AFTER I had spent a week. A SOLID week,12 hours a day, working on our books, so the accountant could get taxes done timely, so we could apply for fiancial aid for that scam they call "higher learning", for the oldest next year. PLUS attempting to finish the 8 million pieces of paperwork that one needs to complete to graduate high school , and move forward in their life.
parents of small children....bask in the glory that is the early years...it gets sooo much worse.
Needless to say, I was not falling for the "I was working all weekend" that was spewing from his mouth. Which opened a can of worms I didn't know even existed.
So, now I have my work done, for the first time EVER by the end of January. Every year I say I am going to get all these projects done over the winter, most of them are home improvement, or deal with the boxes of pictures I have laying around the house. Most of them never get done. My list this year is small, but keep your fingers crossed for me. I really want to paint the living room, move the furniture around and frame some recent photos (ie senior pics, and this beautiful gift from my sister this Christmas). However I have spent the last 2 days watching the Walton's and Little House.
Clearly I am motivated.
Monday, January 07, 2008
I have been VERY busy
crying in my towel
that is just for starters, the husband wanted the kids to go away snowmobiling this weekend, however he is afraid to be in charge of all of them for longer than an hour or two at a time. So I went. We arrived a little after 1 am, to a 3 room cabin in the middle of nowhere surrounded by snow. The guy my husband rents the cabin off of turns the heat down when he sees no sign of occupation. It bordered on 40 degrees in there. I crawled on the couch in front of the heater and my ever observant oldest asked me "Is this your hell?"
why yes son it is...Thank You.
The whole diet, so I can fit into the dress , would be going so much better without the stress of taxes, secondary education financing, and a bout of insomnia that I am way too old to handle any more.
Oh yeah and the whole family thing. This is an example of the crazy from which I was born. My mother, who has not remembered my birthday in probably 4 years, and remembers the kids' a month later, sent my husband a birthday card. In all fairness in 16 years it's the first one he ever got from her, but she spelled our last name wrong!
sending a card = nice, don't get me wrong. However not knowing how to spell you daughter and grandson's last name = crazy.
I guess I should be happy that some thunder thighs is really all I seem to have inherited.
I saw a commercial this weekend on CTV, that stands for Canda TV, or something similar. (I told you it was my hell) I cannot find a link to it anywhere. My brother would have LOVED it. These kids are playing street hockey. A taxi pulls up, someone yells "hockey" . They get out of the taxi, pick it up and carry it around the game in the street. "Hockey Rules" it reads at the bottom.
It's much funnier if you actually see it.
Trust me
Back to work
that is just for starters, the husband wanted the kids to go away snowmobiling this weekend, however he is afraid to be in charge of all of them for longer than an hour or two at a time. So I went. We arrived a little after 1 am, to a 3 room cabin in the middle of nowhere surrounded by snow. The guy my husband rents the cabin off of turns the heat down when he sees no sign of occupation. It bordered on 40 degrees in there. I crawled on the couch in front of the heater and my ever observant oldest asked me "Is this your hell?"
why yes son it is...Thank You.
The whole diet, so I can fit into the dress , would be going so much better without the stress of taxes, secondary education financing, and a bout of insomnia that I am way too old to handle any more.
Oh yeah and the whole family thing. This is an example of the crazy from which I was born. My mother, who has not remembered my birthday in probably 4 years, and remembers the kids' a month later, sent my husband a birthday card. In all fairness in 16 years it's the first one he ever got from her, but she spelled our last name wrong!
sending a card = nice, don't get me wrong. However not knowing how to spell you daughter and grandson's last name = crazy.
I guess I should be happy that some thunder thighs is really all I seem to have inherited.
I saw a commercial this weekend on CTV, that stands for Canda TV, or something similar. (I told you it was my hell) I cannot find a link to it anywhere. My brother would have LOVED it. These kids are playing street hockey. A taxi pulls up, someone yells "hockey" . They get out of the taxi, pick it up and carry it around the game in the street. "Hockey Rules" it reads at the bottom.
It's much funnier if you actually see it.
Trust me
Back to work
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2008
It's here and I don't know wheteher to laugh or cry. I don't mind New year's , nor do I revel in it the way some folks do. It is what it is, a day. The end of the kid's Christmas break, and the beginning of the long haul until March.
It is also my husband's birthday and for the next 3 months he is older than me, so that is kind of a bonus.
This year though, this year will be my test. This year I am out of High School for TWENTY years. TWENTY!!! how is it even a remote possibility? I sure don't feel that old.
It is also the year in which my oldest will graduate High School and head off to
college. somewhere you know when he MAKES A DECISION MAYBE. It is the year my middle son enters High School, and youngest turns 10. Isn't it odd that I say it seems unthinkable I have been out of HS for 20 years, yet will have an 18 year old in a months time? and my youngest will be 10. Where does this time go.
I also hope it will be a year of healing and happiness, I really feel it is my time. I optimisticlly feel this is the year things will start to turn around. It's been a long haul, it seems like I have been saying it for a lot of years now, only to have fate laugh at me year after year. So today I give fate the ol single digit salute and say Bring it ON! I'm ready.
I hope your 2008 brings everything you want, need and desire.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
stinky boys and football
ARRGGGHHHH New Year, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. New Year = a hella lotta work. I have been avoiding it since we got home from vaca, but the time has come. Nothing like the added pressure of KNOWING it has to done on time this year, if there is any hope of us receiving some financial aid and keeping me from selling a kidney before the oldest completes his secondary education.
Only that kid could pick a major that somehow makes his tuition double what the average undecided kid will pay. He is his father's son.
However, on a lighter note, this was overheard this morning after I noticed the youngest has been in the same pj's since Christmas morning, and insisted he bathe.
"Oh my God...I DO smell, quick smell me mom"
I am so proud right now I could bust.
****************************************
Oh yeah and GO SKINS.....with a win against the effn Cowboys we are playoff bound BABY!!!!! wooo
Only that kid could pick a major that somehow makes his tuition double what the average undecided kid will pay. He is his father's son.
However, on a lighter note, this was overheard this morning after I noticed the youngest has been in the same pj's since Christmas morning, and insisted he bathe.
"Oh my God...I DO smell, quick smell me mom"
I am so proud right now I could bust.
****************************************
Oh yeah and GO SKINS.....with a win against the effn Cowboys we are playoff bound BABY!!!!! wooo
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Californication
we have been Californiaized, it was fun, I am tired. Originally our plan for this years vacation was the sunny warm beaches of Mexico, unfortunately our neice does not have a passport, nor are we able to obtain one for her. There is some silly rule about PARENTS having to do that. Something about taking minors out of the country without parental consent nonsense, jeez. She will be 18 next August, and we contemplated attempting to work with her mother in an effort to get her a passport, but decided it probably would just be quicker to wait until she can just get her own, because any of my in laws are crazy that way.
So we decided to do something that would not involve a) leaving the neice home by herself while the rest of us frolicked on some foreign beach, or b) being forced to leave her in some strange country, because while she is free to go anywhere it seems the issue would be actually getting her back in. We picked the closest thing to Mexico we could find...California.
It was great, we actually left a day and a half earlier than expected because nasty weather was due on our original departure date. Of course when i tried to change our tickets I was told to try back later, no weather emergency had been declared and the cost would be almost $300 per ticket to switch them at that time. My husband calls and 5 minutes later has us leaving at 8 the next morning with no additional cost....it's times like that I remember how he conned me into spending the rest of my life with him.
So we arrived in San Francisco and ended up 8 days later in San Diego. And we saw it all in between. It was great, we even ventured into Tijuana for an afternoon. My children were awestruck, to say the least. The oldest wants to "have his birthday party there", and the 14 year old was offered a shot of Tequila at lunch. You can't put a price on memories like that.
BIG PROPS to Southwest, we flew out on Dec 23rd, and I never saw an airline run so smoothly amid so much chaos. So after my disaster last year , I was a happy camper.
While it was a great vacation, it was not relaxing, 8 days 5 different hotels, 3 cities, a couple amusement parks, more National Parks than I can remember, well worth it, but it's one of those vacations that have me dreaming of a vacation. Next year I am going to the beach and not moving for a week.
So we decided to do something that would not involve a) leaving the neice home by herself while the rest of us frolicked on some foreign beach, or b) being forced to leave her in some strange country, because while she is free to go anywhere it seems the issue would be actually getting her back in. We picked the closest thing to Mexico we could find...California.
It was great, we actually left a day and a half earlier than expected because nasty weather was due on our original departure date. Of course when i tried to change our tickets I was told to try back later, no weather emergency had been declared and the cost would be almost $300 per ticket to switch them at that time. My husband calls and 5 minutes later has us leaving at 8 the next morning with no additional cost....it's times like that I remember how he conned me into spending the rest of my life with him.
So we arrived in San Francisco and ended up 8 days later in San Diego. And we saw it all in between. It was great, we even ventured into Tijuana for an afternoon. My children were awestruck, to say the least. The oldest wants to "have his birthday party there", and the 14 year old was offered a shot of Tequila at lunch. You can't put a price on memories like that.
BIG PROPS to Southwest, we flew out on Dec 23rd, and I never saw an airline run so smoothly amid so much chaos. So after my disaster last year , I was a happy camper.
While it was a great vacation, it was not relaxing, 8 days 5 different hotels, 3 cities, a couple amusement parks, more National Parks than I can remember, well worth it, but it's one of those vacations that have me dreaming of a vacation. Next year I am going to the beach and not moving for a week.
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